Day 52. Sorry, I'm Worthless - I Can't Help You

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having responsibilities in relation to helping others because of a belief and idea that I am “not really” able to help, that I do “not really” have any effective support to give - and thus within this allowed myself to go into fear of letting others down/saying/doing something wrong and to, within this, fuck up others existence and making their situation even worse.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am a fake and everything that I have been able to stand up from is just due to some kind of “luck” or “outside force” and thus within this would fear that people would think that I am “better” than what I actually am and within this ask for assistance/support that I am not really able to give. I now see, realize and understand that this is just pure manipulation and self-sabotage from an of my mind - because within this reality I see with clarity that no luck or outside force exist – that what I have walked through have been possible because of others, assisting and supporting me – so that I could take the decision within my practical living to walk with the understanding and tools that others shared with me. Thus within this I commit myself to give what I received in terms of assistance/support and I commit myself to give what I received unconditionally as a practical thankyou to the people who helped me – so that we eventually can create a world of support and stop the abuse and self-interest. I commit myself to walk with others as others have walked with me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being of support for others and would thus rather postpone helping/assisting/supporting those that ask for assistance and support and instead going into an experience of it being “difficult” and “hard” – instead of seeing and realizing that I am manipulating myself into thinking and believing that it is difficult/hard when all the while this originated from me not having incorporated effective self-trust in seeing what I am capable of. I now see, realize and understand that I am the one who is holding myself back and within this allow my insecurity to direct me and my action instead of ME standing up and stopping the back-chat in relation to “being a fake” and “not good enough” and instead just walk with others and sharing my assistance/support as me. I now see, realize and understand that as long as I allow the experience of being a fake/not good enough to direct me – I can never stand up for what is best for all – including me – so thus I commit myself to stop myself when and as I see that I am going into/have gone into an experience of being a fake and not being good enough to be able to help/assist/support others and instead I breathe through that with the realization that it is mere a manipulation-tactic that is only based on fear and lack of self-trust. Within this I commit myself to stand up from that experience and realize that it is only an experience within and of my mind – thus it is not me or who I am, the experience is not real or defines me – I do not accept or allow an experience within and of my mind in relation to “being a fake” and “not good enough” to prevent me from assisting/supporting me and others – I stand up and I direct myself from that experience and instead I breathe myself back into this physical reality.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my point of fear towards having responsibilities in relation to assisting/supporting other beings stems from my point of always thinking and believing that I have to be “perfect” in everything that I do and would thus go into self-judgment in regards to my assistance/support and comparing it to an idea within my mind of what “perfection” is – not even considering that the idea of perfection does only exist as an illusion within my mind and that when I allow myself to go into my mind comparing my support to an illusionary idea of how I would like my support to be in perfection – I am just accessing a deceptive belief of perfection that is not practically possible within this reality. I now see, realize and understand that my idea/belief/perception of perfection within my mind is meant to be unattainable because as long as I strive for attaining what is unattainable within my mind I am constantly making myself inferior and enslaved to my mind. Thus I commit myself to realize that the idea of perfection within my mind is just an unattainable perception of perfection that is meant to be unattainable – thus I stop myself from even trying to reach that and instead I walk within and as this practical reality in where I assess what is best for all in every situation and thus I give what is practically possible and I support myself to support others.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to my perception of whether or not I have been able to assist/support others effectively and would thus accordingly define myself as a failure or successful and would within that not realize that when I assess my support/assistance within my mind in where I have an automatic pattern of seeing myself as not good enough/not effective enough/imperfect then I would also go into an automatic experience of failure and only see what I “could have done better”. I realize that it is important to develop myself to be as effective as possible in supporting myself and others but within that I also see that I am not being effective when I assess my support with the starting-point of self-judgment and defining myself according to my “performance”  within assisting/supporting myself and others – thus I commit myself to walk towards becoming as effective as I can get in assisting/supporting myself and others but within the starting-point of moving myself practically, physically towards that – not accepting a mental experience to direct me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as either good or bad dependent on how I assess my process of supporting myself and others and would thus go into a state of sadness/self-judgment/self-hate if and when I perceive it as if I am not supporting/assisting others and myself effectively and would thus try to jump into the polarity of happiness/fulfillment/pride through trying to reach my perception of perfection in relation to assisting/supporting myself and others effectively – not seeing and realizing that effective support/assistance is indicated when no feeling/emotion/thought/judgment/self-definition is attached so thus I commit myself to stand as unconditional support in where I am supporting myself to assist and support within sharing my common sense/understanding to myself and to others and within that stop myself when and as I see that I am going into an experience towards my common sense/understanding in judging it as either good/bad and instead I stand up in such moments and I realize that I am here, in a process of becoming effective and that effectiveness is when I stand as the understanding, sharing practical common sense as ME, not judging myself according to the understanding/common sense. I commit myself to make sure that I am completely aware, here, with and as breath when and as I am assisting/supporting myself and others and within that making sure that I am assisting/supporting as me and not with the starting-point of wanting to attain some kind of “energy” within my mind.  

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and trying to find “faults” within my assistance/support – even if it means looking just for a misspelling. I now see, realize and understand that I am doing this for and with the starting-point of my mind – wanting to attain energy through finding something that I can judge as “lacking” so that I can continue the pattern of seeing myself as imperfect/not good enough/not trusting myself and my support.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into self-judgment and disappointment when and as I found a misspelling in an email that I sent to a being that needed assistance/support and within that would think and believe that my assistance/support is not effective/good enough – not seeing and realizing that I am going into an extreme and that I am being manipulated by my mind to give my power away to the fear of not being good enough. When and as I see that I am checking for mistakes/misspelling within my assistance/support – I stop and I breathe, I re-check my starting-point and investigate whether it really matters if I have misspelled a word. Within this I see and realize that the only place where misspellings/mistakes matters is within the mind in where I think and believe that I have to be and attain an illusionary experience of perfection/being good enough – not seeing and realizing that it is not real – it is just a delusionary idea within my mind that I can never attain and that that is the purpose of the idea – because as long as I am a slave trying to reach the illusion I will constantly give my power/energy away to my mind so that I remain in a never-ending-cycle of trying to please an idea of perfection within my mind. I do not accept or allow myself to continue thinking and believing that if I misspell a word/make a mistake –then that means that I am imperfect/not good enough – but instead I see and realize that the idea and belief of perfection does only exist as an illusion within and of my mind to keep me enslaved and inferior to my mind as the energy of not being good enough – thus I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see that I am going into self-judgment and disappointment towards myself if/when I find a misspelling/mistake and instead I bring myself back to the physical through just stopping and breathing through that experience – I take a stance to not accept or allow any more self-sabotage but instead stand up as unconditional support/assistance in where I give myself – with the starting-point of doing what is best for all – and not with the starting-point of trying to attain an illusionary experience of perfection.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that a misspelling/mistakes defines me, as who I am – and would thus think and believe that I am being a mistake/not good enough. I commit myself to stop, stand up and bring my power back to self through and with the breath and stop the illusionary idea of me being defined according to mistakes/misspellings – I stop here, I do not accept or allow myself to continue defining myself as not good enough because of a misspelling/mistake but instead I commit myself to stop and breathe and thus bring myself back to this physical reality in where a mistake is just a MISS TAKE.