Day 58. Being Fat or Skinny - That's The Question

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hold on to the belief/idea/perception that being skinny is better than being fat/chubby and thus would allow myself to go into an experience of happiness/satisfaction when/if I perceive it as if I have lost weight and on the opposite hand would go into an experience of depression/sadness/self-hate/self-anger/shame/embarrassment/disappointment towards myself if/when I perceive it as if I have gained weight/are bloated and thus would still allow myself to exist within that polarity-construct in where I am constantly holding on to the idea that skinny is “better” – not seeing and realizing that I am perpetuating my enslavement of defining myself according to how I perceive my body’s size when and as I allow such perception to continue existing within me. I see, realize and understand that I am self-sabotaging when and as I allow myself to live according to the idea/belief that skinny is better than fat/chubby because as long as I allow that idea/belief to exist within me I will continuously exist within fear of gaining weight since I have placed a negative value to becoming bigger than what I am and thus will, as long as I allow this belief/idea/perception to exist within me, live in constant fear since I know that if I do not restrict my eating – I will most definitely gain weight. I now see, realize and understand that in this physical reality – being chubby/skinny does not matter – that it only matters within my mind since I have allowed myself to place different values into being skinny vs. being chubby. I thus see that the only way out of this is to stop my values/definitions/judgments/ideas/beliefs/perceptions in relation to body-size and within that can learn how to do what is best for my body because as long as I allow my mind to dictate and direct my support to my physical I will always act according to the belief that chubby is bad and skinny is good. I commit myself to stop myself when and as I see that I am going into a positive reaction if and when I perceive it as if I have lost weight and accordingly stop and breathe when and as I see that I am going into a negative reaction if and when I perceive it as if I have gained weight and furthermore I commit myself to breathe here, stop my mind-participation and remind myself of the fact that in this physical reality – my body-size does not change me, that all of this is only challenges within my mind.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within an illusionary competition within my mind in where I think and believe that being skinny is the winner and gaining weight means “losing”. I now see, realize and understand that this is mere a manipulation-tactic from my mind to keep me enslaved to the idea and belief that what body-size I have defines me as who I am – when all the while I will only change my perception/idea/self-definition in my mind according to how I perceive my body to be. I thus see and realize that I am the one making myself experiencing depression/sadness/self-anger/embarrassment/self-hate/shame if and when I perceive it as if I have gained weight and thus I am responsible for how I experience myself within my mind – that my body-size is not the one who is responsible for how I experience myself within my mind. Within this I commit myself to bring the point back to self in where I see and realize that it is never anything wrong with my body and thus within that I commit myself to stop projecting my anger/disappointment/hate towards my body and instead I see and realize that I, within my mind, created the anger/disappointment/hate so thus it is only me who can sort it out and thus changing and molding my body will not solve the original problem/situation that I have allowed within my mind because as long as I change my body to try and please my mind – I will just fuel the problem in where I state that my mind is in control and power over me. I commit myself to bring my power back to self in where I stop and breathe when and as I see that I am projecting my hate/anger/disappointment/sadness towards my body and instead I see and realize that the problem lies within my mind – furthermore I commit myself to NOT allow myself to change and mold my body as a means to try and satisfy my mind but instead I challenge my mind through bringing my power back to self and stop the beliefs/ideas/perceptions. 

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and control my body in fear of getting bloated/swollen and within that not seeing and realizing the natural reasons/causes for physical change such as weather-conditions/menstruation/certain foods/how the body is processing the food but would instead neglect and disregard the fact that controlling the physical in relation to if it gets bloated/swollen or not is not in my hands, it is not possible to control, but would still exist within that competition towards my body in where I am constantly trying to avoid getting bloated and not realizing that I can’t control that and thus within this would allow myself to go into self-anger/self-hate/depression/sadness/disappointment towards myself if and when I perceive it as if I have “lost” the competition within my mind and my body has thus become swollen/bloated. I commit myself to let go and breathe when and as I see that I am competing with my physical body and the natural reasons for it to get bloated/swollen and instead I see and realize that I cannot control if and when my body becomes bloated/swollen so it is thus just so much easier to let go of trying to control it and instead breathe with and as my body in supporting it instead of trying to fight it. I commit myself to stop fighting the natural cycle of how my body changes and instead accept that my body will never work according to how I “wish”/desire/want it to work within my mind. I see and realize that my mind does not work/function equally to my body and thus I must within this realize that it is my mind as the beliefs/perceptions/ideas/definitions that I have to change/stop – not my body, because within this I realize that my body works properly, there is nothing wrong with becoming bloated/swollen – so thus I see that the problem lays within and as my mind. I commit myself to stop trying to change and mold my body according to my mind and instead see and realize that it is my mind that needs changing/molding and adjusting according to how the body functions to accept and support my body unconditionally.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my own fear will manifest because I fear it and thus would fear that I fear gaining weight since I know that what I fear must manifest so that I can face it and thus within this would not see the stupidity in having to manifest my fear when I have the capacity and tools to remove the fear and start to live. Within this I see, realize and understand that I am self-sabotaging when and as I think and believe that the fear is real or have control/power over me – when all it takes is just one decision for me to stop the fear through remaining consistent and steadfast in my application and practically stop and breathe when and as I see that the fear of gaining weight comes up. I commit myself to actually face my fear through writing self-forgiveness and with practical application in where I, when I see that I am going into fear of gaining weight, stop and breathe and bring myself back to here through just being aware of the fact that the fear came up but to immediately stopping and not participating within it since I see and realize that it will not lead anywhere.  

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage and time-loop through not immediately stop and breathe when I have seen that I have gone back into automatic thought-patterns in where I feel, see and judge my physical body according to how I perceive it to be as either bigger/smaller than before but instead have allowed myself to follow the thoughts and judgments because of a desire/want/need to confirm/criticize my body according to my perception on what I see with my eyes – not even realizing that my eyes has a veil of judgment and is not trustworthy – and all of this because of a belief and idea that how my body looks define who I am. I now see, realize and understand that my perception of skinny being better than chubby is actually not reality or the truth, it is only my perception that I someway started to believe in. I commit myself to, when I see that I have gone into an automatic thought-pattern in relation to how I see, feel, judge my physical body, to stop and breathe and realize that this desire/want/need to confirm/criticize my body will not lead anywhere what so ever except into an energetic experience of and within my mind and thus within this I commit myself to realize that I am time-looping when I allow myself to go through that whole chain again so thus I just stop and breathe when I see that I have gone back into my mind and I commit myself to remain consistent and steadfast in stopping. I take a stance to stand up for myself and not allow myself to continue this abusive pattern – within this I remind myself of the fact that I know that the path does not lead anywhere so thus it is just no use in time-looping.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so hard on myself and judge myself for still having fear of gaining weight/thinking and believing that it is better to be skinny than chubby/fat and within this not seeing and realizing that I am placing yet another layer onto this when and as I allow myself to add self-judgment. Within this I see, realize and understand that it took years to manifest my belief and years upon years in where I lived according to the belief and thus within that I realize that I can’t just expect that I will be able to stop in one moment, I realize that it will take time with continuous application in where I remain consistent and steadfast – thus within this I do not accept or allow myself to continue going into self-judgment or being hard on myself when and as I see that the thought-patterns and beliefs in regards to weight and body-size/image comes up but instead I commit myself to just breathe through that, bringing myself back to here and stopping. I do not accept or allow myself to continue thinking and believing that I can snap my fingers and the lifelong programming in relation to defining myself according to my body-size will disappear but instead I see and realize that it will take time to remove all the layers that I have built up and thus I commit myself to stop being hard on myself and instead just remain consistent in my daily application of stopping and bringing myself back through and with breath.