Day 61. Lost in Self-Judgment

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my self-judgment will help me choose between right and wrong.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my self-judgments does not serve any purpose what so ever but are completely useless and within this I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am preventing myself from expanding within my process as long as I allow myself to hold onto self-judgments.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go and taking down the wall that I have placed around me and within that become completely honest to others and to myself about what is going on behind the wall such as my inner thoughts/beliefs/ideas/perceptions but instead I allowed myself to judge and thus hide my inner reality from myself and others because of self-judgments and fear.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being open and honest to others because of a belief, idea and perception that if others would know my real dark inner self they would judge me – not seeing and realizing that judgment does only matter if and when it exists within me so thus when I take out and erase/delete my self-judgment and within that bringing the point back to self – no one else’s judgments will matter or influence my beingness.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of/stop my self-judgments and the way that I am living according and as my own self-judgments because of a belief and idea that my self-judgments are preventing me from doing/saying something that others will interpret as “wrong” or unethical and within this not seeing and realizing that if and when I do not judge myself then I will not bother about others judgment/what they might think about what I say/do. When and as I see that I am going into fear of stopping/letting go of my own self-judgments because of a belief and idea that the self-judgments helps me sustain “normal” and prevents me from saying/doing something that others will interpret as “wrong” or unethical – I stop and I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is manipulation from and of my mind for me to remain inferior and fuel the belief/idea that I have to judge myself to remain sane and “normal” – when all the while the self-judgment are only preventing me from expressing and expanding myself within my process of directing myself out of the mind and become a living being. I do not accept or allow myself to get manipulated by the thought “I need my self-judgments to remain “normal”/not say/do something wrong/unethical” – but instead I commit myself to just see and realize that my self-judgments does not serve any purpose what so ever but to keep me inferior and sustain in a state in where I can’t realize and express myself as life.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my own, self-created self-judgments are keeping me from self-expressing myself as life and within this instead allowed my self-judgments turn into fear of expressing and enjoying myself. I see, realize and understand that as a child, when I had not yet developed and started to live according to self-judgments, I enjoyed expressing myself and I did not even bother to worry about what others might/might not think about me so thus within this I see, realize and understand that self-judgments have only made me suppress and hide myself and thus the older I got the more closed off did I became and allowed myself to eventually suppress my self-expression and all because of a belief/idea/perception of what is wrong/bad and what is good/acceptable – which I learned from society/the education-system/family/people around me and thus adjusted and molded myself and my self-expression to what I saw was acceptable/okay. I now see, realize and understand that I have to peel of all the layers of self-judgments that I have allowed myself to create and live according to and thus within this I commit myself to take of one layer at a time and re-create my living expression.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really see, realize and understand that self-judgments can and do only exist within my mind as energy and within this I allow an illusion within my mind, as an energetic experience of self-judgment, to direct and control me and my living expression/beingness. I now see, realize and understand that self-judgment is not tangible/here so thus it cannot be real – but I allowed myself to make it into my reality through years and years of misinterpretation in where I saw the mind as energy as my reality and my physical, tangible body as an illusion and thus within this I see, realize and understand that it will take years upon years to actually stop and return to my living expression and stop suppressing my beingness through and with the illusions. I commit myself to stand direct and steadfast within stopping and breathing whenever I see that I have gone into a state of energetic experience of self-judgment and within this take a stance to not participate and not allow myself to victimize/make myself inferior to an energetic illusion.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-judgment to decide what I am going to say/do/how I am going to express/not express myself in moments of being/interacting with others and within this allowed myself to, over the years, suppress more and more of myself and thus placed more and more value into self-judgment. Within this I see, realize and understand that it will take a process of steadfastness and continuous practical application in where I stop myself when and as I see that I am suppressing/hiding myself because of self-judgment and within this breathe myself back into this physical reality in where self-judgments does not exist. I commit myself to stand consistent and direct in my application of stopping and breathing myself out of the state of self-judgment.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear change and how my world/reality would change if/when I let go of my own self-judgments and within this thinking and believing that my inner secrets as my secret mind will come out and destroy my life if and when I let go, completely, of self-judgments. Within this I now see, realize and understand that it is actually the complete opposite and in reverse in where the self-judgments that I allow are destroying my life completely in where I allow myself to suppress and hide my complete self-expressions and influence my beingness to such an extent that I have completely lost myself as who I actually am as a living being and instead become a mind consciousness system that acts and behaves according to the illusionary energetic experiences within and of my mind.