Day 66. Cancer, Please Don't Kill Me

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear eating burned toast/bread because of an event that took place when I was a child in where a person told me that I mustn’t eat burned toast/bread since that will lead to me, getting cancer – and within this I would thus create a fear of getting cancer because of how I perceived the person who said it; in where I interpret worry within the beings voice and facial expression and would within this thus early on create a belief/idea/perception that I must stay away from certain things since that would apparently lead to cancer – which I had taught myself to see as fearful and horrible because of how I interpreted others to speak about it, in where I trusted others experiences towards cancer and brought them onto myself in where I took for granted that cancer is something one must fear.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that fearing cancer will not lead to not getting cancer, the fear will not help me in any kind of way but merely make me remain in a constant experience of fear of doing/eating certain things because of how I have believed in knowledge and information about the illness.  Within this I thus see that I have, throughout my life, collected information and knowledge from outside sources and never really understood that most knowledge and information is NOT based on reality or how MY body functions so thus it is not trustworthy when it comes from a system that is not based on what is best for all, but merely based on profit/people desiring/wanting/needing to earn money. Within this I realize that I currently live in a society that does not have the proper understanding of how the human physical body actually works with its relationship to the mind but that all of the information/knowledge that is spread out about diseases/illnesses is changed and molded because of how the system functions in relation to money and the lack of real understanding.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it to an extreme in where I have collected information and knowledge about cancer, what not to eat and what to eat to prevent it and within this would thus change and mold my life, my eating-habits just so that I can prevent getting cancer – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am preventing myself from LIVING and trusting my body but already in forehand taken for granted that I will get cancer “if I don’t look out” and within this did not allow myself to just live with common sense and caution but instead would take it to an extreme in where I have projected myself into the future, believing that cancer is a definite outcome within my life – based on the knowledge I have of how my genetics would imply that I have a great risk of getting cancer. I do not accept or allow myself to continue living according to/preventing myself from living because of fear of cancer – but instead I commit myself to live within common sense and see when I take it to an extreme – in where I thus commit myself to stop and breathe – reassess the starting-point of what I am doing and instead realize that when I act according to fear I am actually not supporting my body but am merely allowing my mind to abuse the physical.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying a slow and painful death because of cancer and within this would thus constantly project myself into the future, fearing and worrying about the possible outcome of getting cancer. I now see, realize and understand that when I project myself into the future, fearing and worrying – I am in fact not here, living and breathing. When and as I see that I am projecting myself into the future, fearing and worrying about dying a slow and painful death in cancer – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to continue existing within fear and worry about getting cancer – but instead I see, realize and understand that the fear will not change my future but merely make me exist in future-projections in where I manipulate myself into seeing the “worst-case-scenario” – not realizing that that does not serve any purpose what so ever but to keep me enslaved to the experience of fear. I commit myself to not allow myself to continue projecting myself into the future in where I worry and fear getting cancer and dying a painful death – but instead I see and realize that I am here, breathing now and thus the future or past does not exist here and now.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted that I will get cancer when I get older and within this thus already now preparing for what to do if I would get cancer – not seeing, realizing and understanding that I am laying out the path for myself in where I am saying “I will get cancer” – and thus not realizing the power of the living word but instead thought and believed that it is an unpreventable outcome and thus would just accept that as my reality. I do not accept or allow myself to continue taking for granted and living according to the idea/belief that I will get cancer in the future – but instead I commit myself to walk myself here, with and as the physical and not allow any more self-sabotage in where I believe in knowledge and information about cancer but instead walk equal to and one with my human physical body in where I get to know myself and how to actually support my physical.