Day 68. How I Made Others Anorexic

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body through merely seeing my body as a picture presentation and within that not actually SEEING my body for what it is, as an unconditional support for me to actually live, and that my physical is actually me as life – but instead I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and dishonor my body through seeing it as “not good enough” based on what I can see with my eyes and within that tried to change and mold my body to live up to the image I have within my head of what is “good enough” and within that not supporting my body as it supports me. I do not accept or allow myself to continue just seeing my body as an image but instead I commit myself to honor my body and its unconditional support through supporting it back.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my desires/wants/needs in relation to how I would “like”/”want” my body to look is real and within this not seeing or realizing that I am accessing beliefs within my mind of what I would define as “perfection” – and this definition of “perfection” is what I have programmed myself to see through the culture that I have grown up in in where it’s never been about accepting and seeing the body for what it is, as life, but instead it was always about attaining that “perfect figure” – when all the while this was based on consumerism and companies getting profit from humanities insecurity. I now see, realize and understand that the desires/wants/needs I have created within my mind in relation to how I would like my body to look is based on years of programming in where I have seen pictures in the media of photoshopped models and within that would thus create a belief and idea that that is how a body is supposed to look to be accepted. I commit myself to stop when and as I see that I am looking at my body with the judgments that I have created through years of programming and instead I breathe and stop – I see, realize and understand that my body is not a picture – it is support for me to survive and live – and all the while the physical was what is real and the ideas/beliefs/perceptions was merely illusions.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that my beliefs/ideas/perceptions in relation to how I want my body to look is not based on my actual beliefs/ideas/perceptions – because I created and incorporated others/medias/societies message of how a body should look and then I would just take for granted that these were my ideas/beliefs/perceptions – not ever questioning how/where/when I created it. I now see, realize and understand that I was NOT born with these beliefs/ideas/perceptions/desires/wants/needs – but that I have actually developed them through following others within my world and my reality – in where I saw the Barbies, the television-shows, the commercials, the models, the products, other people – and would thus accept my external realities view on beauty and how a body is supposed to look – as my own. Within this I see, realize and understand that I am responsible for the suffering and abuse I have put my body through and thus brought on the ideas/beliefs/perceptions in relation to “the body is mere a picture” to others, in where I have been a walking commercial, an example, for others to see that one must look a certain way. Within this I do not accept or allow myself to continue living a life in where I am showing others that abuse against the body is okay as long as it makes you attain the perfect-picture-presentation but instead I commit myself to see and realize that I am responsible for how others see their bodies as well, in where I am walking as an example for others within my world and reality to see, as I saw others, in relation to judging oneself according to how one perceive one’s body to look. Furthermore I commit myself to support myself and others through stopping my judgment towards my body and take a stance to not allow any more made-up desires/wants/needs to make my mind abuse my physical – but instead stand as a living example for me and others to see that the body is life – and thus not allow my mind to dictate over my support.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have a responsibility for this world and reality in where I have been carrying on the idea/belief/perception of how a body must look and would thus go to extremes in where I allowed myself to live in self-abuse for almost all my life – just to attain that picture presentation that I had defined as acceptable. I now see, realize and understand that I would take after what I saw others doing to their bodies as a means to attain a “perfect body” – and within this would copy and duplicate their behavior in relation to what to do to attain that idea of perfection. Then I would thus not only do it to myself, but to others as well – in where others would look at me and copy and duplicate my self-abuse because I would live according to the idea that you must look a certain way – and then would fuel that idea in where others would think that they must do as I to also attain that “perfect body-image”. I now see, realize and understand that as long as I allow abuse towards my body through adjusting and molding my support all because of a want/need/desire to attain a specific body-image I am also responsible for everybody around me who are looking and believing that they must do the same. I commit myself to stand up for myself and others through not allowing any more self-abuse because of a belief/idea that I must change and mold my body-image but instead I will make sure that I stand with my body, equal and one – to show others that abuse is not acceptable but that we must stop the cycle of abuse and instead support the body as it supports us to life.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really see, realize and understand what impact I have on others in relation to what I allow myself to do onto my body but would instead within this just think and believe that it only affects me, my body and my reality – not seeing and realizing that what I do onto my body is actually something that I have copied and duplicated from others within my world/reality and thus I now see, realize and understand that I do not only have a responsibility towards myself and my body – but that I have a responsibility towards everybody, as humanity as a whole, in where what I accept and allow is going to influence others in where they will copy and duplicate what they believe is acceptable. I commit myself to stand up for me as everybody and show what real support is – in where the body-image as a picture is not real – but instead teach myself what real physical support is and thus support others around me at the same time.