Day 75. When Life Sucks

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist getting up in the morning when waking up and within this would thus experience heaviness and depression the first thing that I do – and when I would allow this heaviness and depression to exist within me I would thus create my day accordingly in where I would experience and act according to resistance/heaviness/depression throughout my day – not seeing or realizing that I am the one creating this experience through seeing myself as inferior/less than my mind as the thoughts/experiences in relation to heaviness/resistance and because of that wouldn’t just stop myself and the thoughts but would participate within the experiences as energies. I commit myself to, in the mornings when I wake up, take a deep breath and state “I am here” – not allowing the activation of heaviness/resistance. Furthermore I commit myself to stop making myself inferior to the experience of heaviness/resistance through allowing it to flow freely within me but instead I stop and I breathe and I do not allow the heaviness/resistance to grow further throughout my day through me not stopping it.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the experience of heaviness within me – not seeing or realizing that I do not have to accept or allow it as a part of my day or as a part of me, as who I am – I can stop it in one breath and direct myself out of that experience since it does only exist within my mind as an energetic experience – in where I am self-sabotaging through allowing heaviness as me. I commit myself to take a deep breath and state “I do not accept or allow heaviness to direct or control me – I direct myself” and thus bring myself back to the physical in where I do not allow anymore bullshit from my mind.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am lacking motivation towards my daily living for me to be able to not experience resistance towards waking up in the morning and within this I would thus think and believe that I need an energetic experience of motivation for me to be able to enjoy waking up and living my life. I now see, realize and understand that I do not need energetic experiences to be able to move myself within my day-to-day living but that I have, throughout my life, either experienced depression/sadness/resistance or happiness/enjoyment and would thus go from polarity to polarity – never standing here, stable, moving myself – and that I would within this think and believe that when I am not experiencing that energetic experience of happiness/enjoyment in the morning of waking up then I must go into resistance/depression/heaviness, because that is the only two options that I have lived according to – I now see, realize and understand that I am self-sabotaging when and as I allow myself to think and believe that just because I am not having energetic experiences of happiness/motivation/enjoyment in the morning I must/should experience resistance/heaviness. Within this I see and realize that I am the one making myself go into resistance/heaviness and thus I can also stop it, breathe and walk in stability. I commit myself to, in the mornings of waking up, focus on the physical – and not allow myself to go into thoughts and experiences within my mind but instead stop and breathe myself back to stability, and move myself to participate within my daily living – seeing and realizing that if I don’t allow myself to participate within my thoughts I will not experience heaviness/resistance.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the simplicity of letting go of the energetic experiences of heaviness/sadness/depression through taking a stance to not allow the energy within me – but would instead allow myself to go into that energetic experience, thinking and believing that it is me – when all the while it was just manipulation from and of my mind. I commit myself to, when and as I am experiencing heaviness/depression/sadness – to take one deep breath, earth the energy back through moving it from me and back into earth as substance, letting go of the energy through and with my breathing and bring myself back to stability – here.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that throughout my life I have always lived with the experience of heaviness, sadness and depression and within that would automatically see it as a part of me, as who I am – when all the while it wasn’t me, it never was, because it only existed within my mind. Then I created a belief and idea that when I stop the energetic experiences of depression, sadness and heaviness I should experience something else – such as happiness/enjoyment – not seeing or realizing that for happiness/enjoyment to exist the polarity must exist as well as depression/sadness/heaviness. Thus I now see, realize and understand that when I return energy back to earth, back to substance I will just stand here stable, no energetic experiences – but that I within this confused myself through thinking and believing that there is something wrong if I am not experiencing anything and would within this go and create a new experience of sadness/depression/heaviness instead of just remaining here, breathing, stable. I commit myself to flag-point situations in where I see that I am waking up in the morning, assessing what I am experiencing and thus if I am not experiencing happiness/enjoyment would create depression/sadness/heaviness – and to within that stop and breathe – not accepting or allowing myself to create an experience but instead see and realize that I am always here, with and as breath – thus I commit myself to take back my power to me in where I decide to walk myself in stability – not accept or allow energy to take control/power over me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself when and as I see that I have gone into an experience of sadness/depression/heaviness and within that creating yet another layer on top of that energetic experience through placing self-judgment to it – seeing it as if I have failed, am not good enough and have no self-discipline. I now see, realize and understand that I am sabotaging for myself through allowing myself to judge myself because of an energetic experience – and I see and realize that I am not the experience, thus I am not defined according to it. I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see that I am judging myself according to the experience that I am having, realizing that the experience is not me nor am I defined according to it.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I am taking the energetic experience of sadness/depression/heaviness serious I am giving it power and fueling that experience because I am stating that the experience is real, is me – not seeing or realizing that it is not me, it is not real, it is not serious – because all it takes for me to get rid of/stop that experience is me, standing up and stating NO, I do not accept tor allow this experience to exist within me. I commit myself to stop taking the energetic experiences that I have as real, as me – but instead I furthermore commit myself to laugh at the experience, bring the energy back to earth, to substance – through breathing with and as my physical and move the energy through me, through the feet and back to earth. Within this taking a stance to not allow myself to judge or define myself according to the experiences but merely stopping it and bringing myself back to the physical.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I am experiencing an unexplainable experience of heaviness/depression/sadness in where I cannot link it to any specific thoughts/back-chats – it indicates that this is a point in where I have applied myself in relation to stopping participation in thoughts for a period of time and within that my mind would thus go into resistance and trying to find a “weak point” in where I have not yet applied myself – and within that brought forth the point of heaviness/depression/sadness – for me to continue giving my power away to my mind and give it energy, for the mind to survive. Within this I see, realize and understand that this is just manipulation from and of my mind and that I have to, within this, not take it personally but instead stand up from the experience, not participate, but instead realize that this is my mind’s way of keeping me enslaved to giving it power, for my mind to remain in control. I commit myself to stop taking my mind personally in where I think and believe that the experiences is me and furthermore I commit myself to see the points that my mind can still use as “weak points” in where I have not yet applied myself effectively – and thus walk those points with self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective applications – and to within that also not allow myself to get manipulated by the experience of heaviness but instead earth back the energy through breathing and moving myself back to the physical.