Day 78. Getting The Perfect Appearance

• I forgive myself that I have, throughout my entire life, separated myself from myself through and with judgment – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body and all the parts it consist of and exists as with and through my mind in where I have merely been seeing my body and all its parts as pictures – thinking and believing that my body must be a nice picture to look at, for others to confirm/validate and for me to be able to confirm/validate myself as “good enough” – within this I now see, realize and understand that it was never anything wrong with my actual physical body – that my physical, as who I actually am, has always been here as one with me but that I have, throughout the years accepted and allowed myself to shut myself of completely to only exist within separation from myself through and with judgments. When and as I see that I am judging my body/my physical appearance within my mind through the use of my eyes – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to continue separating myself from me through and with judgments but instead I commit myself to see and realize that I am one with my physical – thus I commit myself to stop dishonoring myself through separating myself from me through and with judgments towards what I can see with my eyes and interpret in my mind and instead I see, realize and understand that I am actually separating myself from life – because without my physical I am nothing, dead, gone.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my life would be better with less internal conflict, as self-judgments, self-doubt, lack of courage,  if only I had a “better” physical appearance – as to what I have defined as “good-looking” within my mind through the images I have seen of models, photoshopped pictures in the magazines and what others in my environment have defined as “good-looking” – and within this would thus judge myself in comparison to the images of apparent “good-looking” beings and saw that I did not meet the definition I had created within my mind of how one “should” look to be able to be defined as “good-looking” and thus would think and believe that my internal judgment would “disappear” if only I could meet the definition of “good-looking” – not ever stopping and questioning if it is actually my body/physical appearance that is wrong or if it is my judgments, definitions and beliefs that needs to change. I now see, realize and understand that the only way to stop self-judgments, internal conflicts, self-doubt and lack of courage is through actually stopping and changing my mind – no through changing my appearance. I realize that my life would not be “better” if only I had a different appearance – because the judgment and definition of “good-looking” does only exist within my mind – I wasn’t born with these judgments and definitions – I created them throughout my life and thus it is not real. When and as I see that I am going into the belief of “if only I was more “good-looking” I would be more satisfied with my life and have less self-judgments, self-doubt and more courage – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to continue believing that how I experience myself on the inside is a result of how I look on the outside but instead I commit myself to take self-responsibility through stopping the judgments, definitions, beliefs and ideas through and with self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and corrective application – and within that not accept or allow my internal experience to direct and control me but instead I commit myself to live and walk self-courage and integrity through not allowing any more bullshit to control/influence me as the physical being I am.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other females and think “if only I had legs like her”/ “if only I was as skinny as her” / “if only I had the same clothes as her” then I would be more satisfied with myself and less self-judgmental - and within this not seeing or realizing that the self-judgment exists within my mind and thus if I would have those legs/skinniness/clothes – the self-judgment would still exist since I wouldn’t go to the original source of the problem which lays in my mind – so thus if I would to change my appearance I would not become more satisfied/less self-judgmental because I haven’t actually solved the problem – and within this I see and realize that I have already shown myself this point in where I thought and believed that I would become less self-judgmental/more satisfied if only I lost weight and then when I went to the lowest weight that is physically possible without dying – I was not more satisfied/less self-judgmental but was still experiencing self-doubt, self-hate and self-judgment – thus within this I commit myself to, when and as I see that thoughts such as “if only I looked more like that” – I stop and I take a deep breath – I bring myself back to this physical reality through seeing and realizing that changing the physical appearance does not change my inner experience – I do not accept or allow myself to continue participating within thoughts such as “if only I looked more like that” but instead I commit myself to stop dishonoring my physical body through seeing it as the cause/source/origin of my self-judgment.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the source/cause/origin of my self-doubt, self-judgments and self-consciousness lays within how my physical body is shaped/how my physical appearance looks, as the picture I see reflecting in the mirror and interpret within my mind as “not good enough” and thus have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is my physical appearance that is not good enough – not seeing or realizing that it is an interpretation within in of my mind that I have allowed myself to compare and judge according to the pictures I have seen of apparent “good-looking”/”perfect” females within magazines/movies/my environment and would thus accept their image as “perfect” and “good enough” and would thus not interpret my picture of myself as being met with the standard of what “good enough”/”perfect” apparently is. I now see, realize and understand that my self-doubt, self-judgments and self-consciousness exists within my mind and is a result of years of comparisons to others within my environment and the belief that I must look a certain way to be able to stop judging myself, experience self-doubt and being self-conscious – when all the while I created the experiences I have within me and fueled them through acting/living according to it through acting within self-doubt and self-consciousness. I do not accept or allow myself to continue projecting my self-doubt, self-judgments and self-consciousness onto my physical appearance but instead I commit myself to, when and as I see that I am judging myself according to how I look, to stop and breathe – earth back the energy and realize that I am the one creating the experience thus I can stop it. I do not accept or allow anymore abuse from my mind onto my physical but instead I take full self-responsibility for how I experience myself within my mind and within this I commit myself to not allow myself to go into self-judgments, self-doubt and self-consciousness but instead I breathe myself back to this physical reality in where I express myself as me in every moment of breath.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my physical appearance personally in where I would judge and define myself according to the reflection of myself in the mirror – and thus not seeing the image as good enough because of how I have, within my mind, defined and judged what “good enough” is because of what I interpret as “perfect-looking” through the images I have seen within the magazines, movies, my environment and in media - and within that interpret it as if it is ME who is not good enough – not seeing or realizing that this is how I look, this is how my genetics has formed me – and it won’t change because of me, thinking that it is not good enough and judging myself according to my appearance in where I compare my picture presentation to others picture presentations, not taking their genetics into consideration in where I see and realize that they are not defined according to their appearance either, its simply how genetics has formed them and it is simply a definition and perception that I have created within my mind towards what apparent “perfect-looking” is. I now see, realize and understand that there are no such thing as “perfect-looking” – it is only a perception/interpretation within my mind and within this I commit myself to stop taking my physical appearance personally – as if I am the one to “blame” for how I look. Within this I also commit myself to stop dishonoring my physical body through only seeing myself as an appearance and thus I do not accept or allow myself to continue comparing my picture to others pictures but instead I see and realize that what I am doing is pretty much that I am comparing genetics. Lol.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am inferior to people who I have defined as “perfect-looking” and within this would thus think and believe that I am not as worthy as “them” and not as “good” as “them” – not seeing or realizing that I am the one who took the decision to see myself as inferior and thus have allowed myself to act as if I am not as worthy as other – all because of my perception/definition of what “perfect-looking” is. I commit myself to stop and breathe when and as I see that I am going into inferiority when/as I am seeing someone who I have defined as “perfect-looking” – and instead I commit myself to walk with others as equals – see others as myself, that the only thing that is different is our genes and thus nobody is actually defined by how they look. I commit myself to not accept or allow myself to continue participating within thoughts of “others” being better than me if they meet my definition of what “perfect-looking” is – but instead I realize that this is just my definition and perception – it is not real but is merely making myself separating myself from others through and with the act of judgment.