Day 80. Shy and Inferior-Character

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a “I am inferior and shy-character” and within this never saw or realized that it was just a self-created character/personality – it was never who I actually was but merely a character that I created to protect myself from an experience that I had in relation to others in my past in where I experienced/interpreted it as if I was less than/ignored/neglected by others and within this I would, each and every time I, within my life, would experience it as if I was ignored/neglected by others would thus take on the “I am inferior and shy-character” – and would thus become a completely different personality in where I would keep quiet and fear taking up space – all because of a single thought that activated the character – the thought of being less than/neglected/ignored by others – and within this I now see, realize and understand that I am the one who thinks that I am less than/neglected/ignored and thus it is me who decides to take on the character – no one is making me inferior/less than – and nobody else is forcing me to take on that character – it is always me and my decision. I commit myself to, when and as I experience it as if I am less than/neglected/ignored by others, to stop and breathe – realize that I am the one experiencing it, it is not reality so thus I commit myself to not take on the “I am inferior and shy-character” – but instead breathe and stop and instead express myself and face the situation as who I am.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am the “inferior and shy-character” and because of this would allow myself to take on that personality whenever I saw that it was suited – not seeing or realizing that it is not me as who I am but that I created it out of memories – I was not born with this character but would create myself into different characters through events/situations that came up within my life and then I interpreted it as if I had to change and mold myself to “fit in”. I now see, realize and understand what a fuckup this is – that I do not need the “inferior and shy-character” to live my life, I am only limiting myself from expanding and finding out who I really am as life when and as I allow myself to take on different characters dependent in the situation/what people I am interacting with. Within this I commit myself to, through writing, self-forgiveness, self-corrective statements and self-corrective action investigate every character that I have created and within this realizing that I do not need my characters anymore, letting go of the characters and bring myself back to life.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear conflict, and within this would thus take on the “shy and inferior-character” because I saw, throughout my life, that that would thus lead to less conflict/friction – within this I now see, realize and understand that I am self-sabotaging when and as I allow myself to take on the “shy and inferior-character” because within this I never had to face my fear of conflict – but instead created an energetic experience within my mind towards conflict in where I saw it as something fearful – not seeing or realizing that the fear of having to face conflict/friction is worse than actually facing it. I commit myself to, when and as I see that conflict/friction arises – make sure that I do not go into character/personality but that I instead remain here, breathing – deleting the character and stepping forth as me – and within this see and realize that I do not need my “shy and inferior-character” anymore because I can face conflict/friction as me, remaining here, stable, breathing. I commit myself to live the decision to give up, delete, erase the “shy and inferior-character” and walk this decision for life, for me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping the “shy and inferior-character” because within this thinking and believing that if I stop and change, my relationships and environment will also change if I stand up for myself through not allowing myself to go into suppression through and with the use of character. I now see, realize and understand that I am sick and tired of living a lie, of being a lie, of being merely characters within my life – and with this realization I also see that I want change, I want to become the living expression of me – and that the fear of change/fear of loss is merely manipulation-tactics from and of my mind to keep me remaining in my characters and thus never becoming life. I commit myself to, when and as I see that fear of giving up my characters arises because of fear of change/loss – to stop and breathe, realize that the fear of change/loss is not real as who I am, it is merely a manipulation-tactic from and of my mind – and thus I commit myself to walk through the fear of change/loss and to walk myself out of character, no matter how my environment/relationships respond/change because within this I see, realize and understand that I do not want to keep having relationships that is based on self-created characters so thus I do not accept or allow myself to continue living relationships that is only sustainable if I keep my characters/keep creating new characters.

• I commit myself to stop my self-created “shy and inferior-character” and within this realize that I created it – thus I can stop it. Within this I see and realize that when and as I stop my characters I will face conflict/friction from my world/reality as a whole/relationships/society because within this I see and realize that everything within this world/reality is now based on self-created personalities/characters and not based on what is best for all life/who the persons really are – and within this I thus commit myself to walk myself out of the lie as the made-up-belief of who I am and instead find out who I really am as life.