Day 85. Anorexics Just Don't Like Food!......?

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the ”I do not like that-character” in relation to certain foods – in where I saw that if I manipulate myself within my mind to think and believe that I do not like the foods that I have defined as “unhealthy” within my mind, through the use of external information/knowledge in relation to what is healthy/unhealthy, then I can get away with not eating what I have judged/defined as foods that I believe will make me increase in weight. Within this I see, realize and understand that I created this character through memories in where I saw that I could deliberately manipulate myself and others to get away with my anorexia – all through and with the use of saying “I do not like that food” and within this would use and abuse my physical body to attain the energetic experience of power within my mind because I have, throughout the years, created the experience of being in power and control if/when I go against my physical body’s signals in relation to what it requires/wants/needs and instead satisfy/live according to the mind and the knowledge/information I have incorporated from my external reality/world instead of finding out what my body really wants/needs/requires and live according to that. When and as I see that I say/think “I do not like that food” – I stop and I breathe – I do not accept or allow myself to go into the “I do not like that-character” and within this sabotaging for myself and empowering/fueling the mind as character but instead I take a breath before I state that I do not like that within my mind/aloud and instead I assess/cross-reference with my human physical body what actually assists/supports me – to make sure that I do not support the mind as anorexia but instead support my physical as it supports me. Within this I commit myself to try foods that I have, throughout my life, defined/judged as unhealthy/foods that I do not like and because of that denied myself to eat that - and instead realize that the judgment/definition is based on knowledge and information – not based on what actually assists/supports my body – so within this I thus commit myself to erase and delete the “I do not like that-character” and instead stand equal with my body, testing out what my body actually likes!

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the “I do not like that-character” to deliberately manipulate others in my environment to think and believe that I am normal, I do not have any problems – I just don’t like certain foods which includes everything that contains things that I have judged as unhealthy according to what I have read/seen in health-magazines, news, television, advertisements, and heard from others in my environment/world/reality and would thus adjust/mold my “I don’t like that-character” accordingly in where everything that I have believed to be unhealthy becomes foods that I say I don’t like, for others to not question what I eat/not eat but instead accept the answer “I do not like that” and within this would create a false experience of power/control over others because I  could just take on the “I do not like that-character” whenever I wanted to avoid questions from others or friction/conflict because I knew from past experiences/events that if I would be honest and say that I believe it is unhealthy people around me would start to question my knowledge/information and this would thus form friction/conflict that I would rather avoid – so within this I created the “I do not like that-character” as a means to avoid conflict/friction and instead remain in a state where I think that I am in control over my external reality. I now see, realize and understand that my knowledge and information in relation to what is healthy/unhealthy foods is not based on physical cross-reference but merely based on me, incorporating anything that I hear/see in relation to food and health, and thus started living according to knowledge and information instead of living with and as my physical body – constantly going against/ignoring/neglecting/disregarding my physical body’s signals and instead allowed myself to live according to my minds knowledge and information. Within this I see, realize and understand that I am not in control/power when and as I take on the “I do not like that-character” but this is merely a point of manipulation from and of my mind to remain in control over my intake and within this I realize that I am abusing my body because I place my body in a prison – saying that I will only feed it with what my mind has interpret as “healthy” – even when my body screams “feed me” I would neglect and disregard my physical body’s voice all to satisfy the mind’s beliefs/ideas/perception of what “being healthy” means. Within this I commit myself to stop imprison my body through only feeding it with what I have interpret as “healthy foods” within my mind and within this use the “I do not like that-character” as a means to manipulate myself and others into thinking and believing that the reason why I do not eat certain things is because of me not liking the taste – when all the while it was just based on knowledge and information. Within this I commit myself to live with and as my body in equality and within this get to know my body in relation to what I, as my physical wants to eat, what my physical body requires – and within this delete the “I do not like that-character” and instead get to know what my physical actually likes.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the “I do not like that-character” in relation to manipulating myself into thinking and believing that my body doesn’t like certain foods and that if I eat certain foods I will get all kinds of “symptoms” such as a stomachache, rashes, pimples, headache – and within this would thus fuel and empower my idea/belief that my body doesn’t like certain foods – not seeing or realizing to what extent I have been brainwashing myself through and with the use of “I do not like that-character” and because of this brainwashing I have become completely closed off from my physical reality as my physical body and instead believed the mind to such an extent that I have forgotten about what my physical actually wants/needs/requires. Within this I now see, realize and understand that I am creating the stomachaches etc. because I allow myself to believe and be completely certain of that I will go into pain/ache if I eat certain things and since I expect that I will experience myself in a certain way when I eat certain foods then I will also create my reality accordingly – in where I expect that I will get a stomachache if I eat certain foods and thus because of that anxiety/fear I am actually creating stomachache – I am the creator of my own experiences. Within this I commit myself to erase and delete all my beliefs in relation to how certain foods influences me and within this stop using the “I do not like that-character” as a means to not having to face trying out different foods that I before have judged and defined as foods that will make me experience pains/aches – and within this I thus commit myself to re-learn what my body actually likes/benefit from having and what foods it actually do not like – to within this make sure that when I am trying out foods I do not access any character/belief/idea/knowledge/information but instead remain here, breathing with and as my physical body and see what signals comes from my body in relation to what it likes - and that I within this make sure that I do not accept or allow the mind’s signals to interfere/influence but that I am completely here – re-learning what my body benefits from eating.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand to what extent the mind influences/controls the physical in where I have used the “I do not like that-character” and within this eventually started to believe it myself in where I no more could differentiate between things that I actually don’t like and the things that I have manipulated myself into not liking through and with the use of the “I do not like that-character” – because within this I now see, realize and understand that a lot of that which I have told myself that I do not like, such as yoghurt for example, is actually something that I really do like and that my physical body really do benefit from – but that I have, for such an extended period of time, manipulated myself within my mind and convincing myself that I do not like it so that I eventually would accept it as me, as reality – when all the while it was based on a self-created character as a servant for anorexia. Within this I now see, realize and understand that I have to let go of all my beliefs/ideas in relation to what my body likes and not and instead re-learn everything in relation to food – because before I have never actually asked my body what it likes/benefits from but have instead accessed information/knowledge in my mind and superimposed it onto my physical. So within this I commit myself to stop believing the mind’s interpretation of what my body benefits from and instead I re-learn what my body actually likes/benefits from – to within this create a relationship of trust with my body, realizing that my body does tell me what it wants and needs - and within this realize that my mind’s interpretation of what is best for my body is never based on what is actually best for me as the physical.