Day 91. Physical Functions - Part 1
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become jealous towards/of people in my environment/world/reality who I interpreted as being able to eat anything without ever having to worry about gaining weight because of how their bodies functioned in where they could literally eat anything and any amount without ever putting on a single gram of fat - and within myself I had defined that as something desirable and then I would thus accordingly take on the jealousy-character, be and become jealous towards/envy those who I perceived as being able to eat anything and still remain thin. Within this wishing and desiring to be able to eat anything and remain thin myself and when I saw that I did not have that ability/that physical function/metabolism I would go into jealousy towards those who I perceived as having that ability/physical function/metabolism – not seeing or realizing that within my mind I will always desire/want/need what I cannot have/what I’m not, because within this I am creating friction/conflict towards/within myself as separation and will constantly give energy to my mind because I remain in a state of not accepting myself and my body as me – but instead fueling and empowering my different characters through giving them energy through not standing equal to and one with my body. I see and realize that within this point it is clear that people always desire what they cannot have – because if I would take a look at the people who had this apparent magic power of being able to eat anything and any amount and still remain thin and what their internal experience towards this was I can see that they experienced the opposite desire – the desire to actually have curves, so thus within this it is clear that it is not my human physical body that is wrong – that the problem lies within me as my internal acceptances and allowances within my mind in where I am constantly wanting what I know I do not have/cannot have. Within this I now see, realize and understand that it is completely pointless to compare my physical functions such as my metabolism to other beings and then go into jealousy – because jealousy does not change anything it merely makes me separate myself from me and others even more and not standing equal to and one with my physical body but instead I am judging myself as my body as not good enough. I thus commit myself to stop when and as I see that I am going into the jealousy-character when/as I interact/meet a person with a different type of physical function/metabolism than me and within this I instead see and realize that I am MY body so thus I furthermore commit myself to walk my process of equalizing myself to my body in accepting my body unconditional as me and supporting my body with what it requires – no longer accepting or allowing myself to separate myself from me through going into the desire of having someone else’s bodily functions.
- I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am my human physical body and that my internal desires/wants/needs in relation to having a specific body-shape/form/bodily function/metabolism is nothing but illusions – but within this would instead live according to the complete opposite in where I would believe in the illusion and neglect/disregard/ignore the reality as my human physical body and going into jealousy constantly and continuously whenever I met another being who apparently met my internal desires/wants/needs in relation to having a body that has a “fast” metabolism – within this accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from me through and with the use of the jealousy-character because within this I would thus say that I rather have another person’s body - that my own body is not acceptable or okay. I now see, realize and understand that for me to be able to live one and equal to my body as my physical I have to delete the jealousy-character and stop judging and defining certain bodily functions as more desirable than others. Within this I do not accept or allow myself to continue existing within/as the jealousy-character in where I go into a state of jealousy whenever I meet a person who have a “fast” metabolism and are therefore able to eat anything without putting on weight – but instead I commit myself to immediately stop and breathe, wipe the jealousy off from my mind, earth the energy through my feet and instead just be here, expressing myself as me and within this stopping my mental participation, stopping the empowerment of the desires and stop fueling the jealousy-character. I commit myself to immediately bring myself back to here when I see that I am about to go into jealousy and within this realize that I have the ability to move and direct myself out of my mind and stand with and as breath.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use different means and methods that I thought would “increase” my metabolism – all because of a desire/want/need to remain thin/not gain weight/lose weight – and within this would think and believe that my desire that I have formed within my mind is more important than my actual real human physical body – within this would neglect/ignore/disregard and abuse my physical all because of an internal desire to look a specific way/having a specific body-shape/form. I within this forgive myself for all the years in where I accepted and allowed myself to abuse, harm and slowly kill my physical body through the use of different means and methods all to obtain that picture that I had formed within my mind of how I desired to look and within that became completely possessed by just that one point – and thus neglecting and disregarding all life on this planet just so that I could obtain a desire – and after all I can within this honestly say and see that I never met my desire because my actual desire was to become comfortable with me as my physical – but what I did not see and realize back then was that changing my physical would not make me become comfortable or experience self-acceptance – because within this, after all those years of abuse and misuse, I now see and realize that there is actually nothing wrong with my physical body at all, it never was – it is all within my mind in where I have never allowed myself to really realize that to be and become physically comfortable I have to stop my participation within my mind – because all the mind wants is to remain in control and attain energy – and if I do not give my power away, if I do not fuel the mind through participating within/creating energy – I will realize that my body is comfortable, my body as the physical was always here, I just got lost within my mind as and within illusionary desires. Within this I commit myself to stop using different means and methods to increase my metabolism, and thus stop abusing my physical and within this stop accepting and allowing myself to participate within my secret desires – since I now see and realize that my secret desires is just based on manipulation from and of my mind for me to continue giving energy to and fueling my mind. I commit myself to remain steadfast in relation to bringing myself back to my physical body and becoming comfortable as myself – thus not accepting and allowing any more self-sabotage on my way to becoming one and equal to and as my physical.