|by Michael Mararian |
This is a continuation to my previous post;
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I am a pain in the ass if/when I do reveal/admit what it is that I am experiencing in relation to another beings words/actions – within this thinking and believing that if/when I communicate/share my reactions/experiences then that means that I am taking up space or that it is an implication that I am asking the other being to change. Within this not seeing, realizing and understanding that this is all just excuses for me to remain/keep existing as/within the “I don’t give a fuck-character” in where I charge and empower the mind and the experiences I attain when and as I live as/within the “I don’t give a fuck-character” – and within this not having to face my fear of putting my guard down in where I share, within complete self-honesty, what it is that I am experiencing within.
- Within this I see and realize that I am making it harder for myself, that I am self-sabotaging when and as I use these excuses as a deliberate way to not having to live self-courage in where I express myself with another being and that, because I do not express myself in self-honesty, am creating pointless internal and external conflicts/frictions which is avoidable if I would just allow myself to, in self-honesty, share my interpretations/perceptions of the event/conversation/the words/actions of the other being – to within this come to a solutions that is best for all parts involved and no longer hide behind a character for me to not having to move myself to actually expand/grow.
- When and as I see reasons/justifications/excuses coming up in relation to why I should not share my internal experiences/reactions with the other being that is involved – I stop and I breathe – I slow myself down and I realize that these reasons/justifications/excuses does serve one purpose only – to keep me in a position in where I do not stop fueling/empowering the mind as the character – that I within this am actually self-sabotaging and time-looping because I never express ME as who I am and within that allow myself to grow/expand with another being in where I share, within self-honesty, my interpretation/perception of the event/words of the other being. I do not accept or allow myself to continue using/listening to the reasons/justifications/excuses that arises within the mind in relation to why I should not share what it is that I am experiencing – but instead I commit myself to within this take a stance to no longer accept or allow myself to limit and prevent myself from living self-courage and self-honesty in where I can develop effective communication with another. I commit myself to stop the reasons/justifications/excuses, take a deep breath, and just express me, the reactions/experiences that aroused and go from there, to within this remain in and as breath and no longer accept or allow myself to get manipulated by the mind and the mind’s desire to remain in character.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust my first interpretation/perception of another beings words/actions and within that would, if/when I react, take on/go into the “I don’t give a fuck character” in where I make sure that I do not show any sign of reaction to the other being – because apparently that would mean that I am weak/sensitive. Within this I would thus not see, realize or understand that what I actually reacted to was my interpretation, my perception of what the other being said/did – it didn’t really have anything to do with them. And within this I realize that all my perceptions/interpretations is based on memories, in where I have linked/connected certain words/actions to certain experiences/reactions and I would thus, when and as I see another being doing/saying something take from my database of memories and compare it to past events, within this if/when I would find something in the other beings expression that does relate/correspond with a past event in where another being were doing/saying something that I reacted to react in the same way here and now but instead of investigating further why it is that I react immediately push it aside through and with the “I don’t give a fuck-character” in where I believe that my reactions was based on what was happening here and now when all the while the reactions is only based on my past and how I taught myself to react in a specific way to specific words/actions.
- I now see, realize and understand that what I react to when and as I am interacting with another is always based on my interpretation/perception of the other person’s words/actions and that it within this it can be as simple as a miscommunication, misunderstanding, misinterpretation, confusion and that I, when and as I do not communicate my perception of the other persons words/actions, cannot know what exactly the other being was saying/doing – that , when and as I immediately believe in my perception/interpretation, I am actually only reaction to my own perception and within that am not sorting anything out through really understanding the other being’s actions/words and going from there to find a solution that is best for all parts involved.
- I commit myself to, when and as I react to my interpretation/perception of another being’s words/actions – slow myself down and investigate where this reaction comes from, what it is based on, within this thus communicating my interpretation/perception with the other being to within this make sure that my interpretation/perception is not simply just based on miscommunication, misunderstandings, misinterpretations or confusions – and from there getting to know what the being REALLY was saying/doing and not immediately just push my reactions aside through going into the “I don’t give a fuck-character”.