Monday, October 8, 2012

Day 178. The Power of Illusions

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
If you have not yet read my  
previous blog-posts I suggest 
you do so for further context;
Day 176. I Must Throw up My Food
Day 177. Why Girls Throw up Their Food For Beauty
 

  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the back-chat/internal conversation/sentence “I want to throw up” which comes up within the mind is me – as the real reality of who I am, and that it is thus I, as the real me who wants to throw up – when all the while it was and is only an illusion which I make into reality through ‘paying attention to it’ - through thinking and believing that this back-chat is me, believing that the words within the mind can tell me what to do or move me in my physical reality and physical actions – perceiving my self-direction and standing to be inferior to the mind when it comes to the specific sentence “I want to throw up” – and thinking that the back-chat “I want to throw up” has more power over me than what other forms/types of back-chat has. 

  • In this I realize that I decide how much ‘direction’ and power back-chat/internal conversation is going to have over me – so thus, I am the one who has made myself believe that the back-chat “I want to throw up” is more ‘powerful’ than for instance the back-chat “I wonder if I am going to pass or fail on the next exam” – in this I now realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to make some back-chats ‘more’ than other types of back-chats/internal conversations/thoughts – when all the while it is still only words within the mind in different combinations. In this I realize that I have to work with words, to redefine and discharge words, so that I in the continuation can prevent myself from reacting to some specific words and in this instead realize that the words are words, it is different letters in different combinations, same with sentences - it is different words in different combinations. I furthermore realize that it is sufficient for me to let go of the past through and with the use of self-forgiveness, to stop defining myself according to my past and how I in the past allowed the mind to tell me what to do/who to be – because I see that I am preventing myself from living self-trust when and as I am holding on to the past in where I allowed the thought/back-chat “I want to throw up” to move and direct me – which I see is never something I would allow in the now – but I still fear the back-chat because I am allowing myself to hold onto the past in where I was not directing myself or had the tools to realize how I can direct myself.

  • In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and perceive myself to be inferior to the back-chat “I want to throw up” through thinking and believing that the back-chat has power and direction over me – as if the back-chat/internal conversation/sentence can tell me what to do/who to be in physical reality – lol, thinking that an illusion can direct/move physical reality, not seeing or realizing that the back-chat only consist of and exist as words in different combinations which comes up within the mind – that the back-chat does not exist in this physical reality – so thus it is not something that can direct me, but I do see that I can and have been using the back-chat as an excuse and justification for my actions in the past and due to this I have allowed myself to form a belief of myself as being inferior to the specific back-chat "I want to throw up" - because I allowed that one sentence to move and direct me over and over again in the past - but in the now I realize that I have to tools that are required for me to always stand here, in self-direction, not ever accepting or allowing the mind to tell me what to do/who to be - thus, it is nothing to fear of feel inferior to, because I understand that in the now I am always responsible for what I 'do with the back-chat' and I understand that the back-chat does not have any power over me anymore.
 
  • Within this I thus realize that I am the one deciding whether or not I am going to make an illusion into reality through physical action or if I am going to, in those moments when the back-chat “I want to throw up” arises, simply realize that it is words as illusions within the mind which cannot move me if I do not allow it – realizing how simple it is to not pay attention to it and not take it seriously – because within this I see and realize that it actually is as simple as that, that all I require to do in moments when back-chat arises is to stop it, breathe, bring myself back to here through not taking it personal in thinking and believing that the back-chat is me or is real – thus not paying attention to it through placing another layer onto it – which I now see and realize is something I have done through, when and as the back-chat “I want to throw up” arises I go into shock and fear because I have linked the back-chat to actual physical doing instead of seeing and realizing that I am always the one that decides what I am going to make out of the back-chat, what I am going to do in this physical reality – that I am always in direction as long as I remain consistent with breath, so it is thus no need to fear the back-chat or go into shock, it is simply words in different formations/combinations.

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