to what I am busy walking I suggest that you read:
- The Reasons Behind Anorexia - Part 2. Day 268.
- The Hunger Games - Day 289
- You Do Not Want to Disappoint Anorexia, That Would Not Be Right - Day 290
- How To Practically Move Out Of Anorexia - Day 291
- The Cells Of An Anorexic - Day 292
- At The Root Of An Eating Disorder - Day 293
- Channeling Reactions Into Obsessive Compulsions - Day 294
- Don't Fall For Hunger, You Fucking Failure - Day 295
- The Internal War Of Anorexia - Day 296
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that eating is a sin, something that one should be ashamed of – and within that have thus allowed myself to separate myself from my human physical body through trusting the mind, as the opinions I have formed through the society that I live in in relation to food and eating – where I would, instead of listening to my body as the physical, listen to and trust the mind’s perception of external information. Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to external information in relation to food – in where I learned and taught myself to connect and link certain experiences to certain foods, where I would incorporate the message I received from my external world such as the media and in where I programmed myself to see food and eating as something experience-based instead of seeing food and eating as practical points that is required for the physical to sustain itself and function properly – for life to be possible.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must ‘feel good about myself’ in relation to who I perceive myself to be and how I perceive myself to ‘perform’ in my external world – in where I would become dependent on an experience of myself as ‘being good externally’ through for instance the perception of others ‘liking and accepting’ and the perception and experience of ‘doing good’ in school, for me to be able to give myself the food that I require – in where I have allowed myself to be and become dependent on ‘feeling that I am doing “ok”’ in my external participation for me to be able to ‘feel worthy of eating’. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a weak point where the mind can manipulate through allowing myself to become dependent on the experience of ‘doing well’ externally for me to be able to care for myself through giving my physical body what it requires – not seeing or realizing that the only one who is stopping me from caring for myself is me, that the only one stopping me from actually giving me the opportunity to live is Me, as and through the belief that I give value to in relation to thinking and believing that Eating is connected to Deserving.
- In this I see and realize that, what the fuck, my physical body deserves food simply by existing here for and as me, or actually – it’s not about ‘deserving’ at all – it is about seeing directly what is practically required and thus walking it practically as a point of seeing what is best for the physical and unconditionally walking those points, to give my physical what it is giving me – as life. Thus I realize that eating and giving my physical body food cannot be based on an experience within the mind, that when I allow the act of eating to be experience-based and dependent on an experience that I have in relation to the perception I create of myself internally, I am actually self-sabotaging and separating myself from my physical. Because I realize that the physical body requires food to be able to function, it is only the mind who requires ‘more’ in terms of the experience of ‘accomplishing’ something externally, such as ‘performing’ and attaining the experience of being ‘liked’ by others. Thus, I see and realize that letting the mind decide when I ‘deserve’ to eat and not, even connecting food and eating to the word ‘deserving’, is merely perpetuating the power and control the mind has over and conditions my self-support and my living.
- I commit myself to really, practically practice on not accepting or allowing an Experience to tell me whether I deserve to eat or not – but instead I commit myself to really get to know my physical in relation to what my body requires and in that practically walk accordingly – not allowing an experience to influence or effect my physical self-support. And in this I commit myself to practicing this through assisting and supporting myself with breathing and following the routines that I see supports my body.