Saturday, March 9, 2013

Can You Decide Who You Want To Be? - Day 329



  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the perception I form within the mind in relation to the opinions I believe that other people have of me, in relation to what I say/do/who I am/how I express myself, to influence and control me to such an extent that I have allowed myself to define me, as the entirety of who I am, in accordance with the opinions I believe others to have of me – where I thus had allowed my self-relationship to be conditioned, influenced and defined by what I believe others to think of me – and where I never allowed myself to consider a relationship with myself that is based on self-support from the perspective of actually deciding for myself how I want to experience myself, express myself and how I want to live – but would instead allow external circumstances to influence and have total power over me as my relationship with myself.
 
  • I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to, within and throughout my life, realize or even consider what type of relationship I want to have and am going to have with myself, how I want to experience myself and how I want to live – but would instead accept and allow external circumstances to move, guide and decide for me – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within and throughout my life, just accept and allow what comes up within my mind, as that which emerges as a response to external circumstances – without actually questioning or investigating that which comes up within me – but instead accept and allow myself to just kind of ‘take it’ – where the relationship I developed with myself became based on everything and anything that came up within my mind – consequentially never considering a relationship with my physical body but would instead base the entire relationship I have with myself on whatever came up within my mind and whatever is happening in my external world – not ever asking myself ‘Is this really who I want to be? Is this what I want to experience inside myself or in this world? -This is not what I would want for anyone, why is this existing?’ – and in that realize that if I can look at things, if I can question things – I must then have the power, the capacity and the responsibility to change it.
 
  • I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept and allow the relationship I have formed with myself within and throughout my life to be based on whatever comes up and goes on within my mind and in this world – in where I just accept and allow things in my mind and in this world like everyone else has, within that in a way believing that ‘it is normal’, and ‘I am just normal’ through just accepting and allowing the shit that comes up in the mind and that exist in this world - not ever assisting and supporting myself to become an individual that I would actually want to be and want to experience myself as. And so I forgive myself that I have not ever accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself to become an individual that I would be able to experience, express and live with for eternity – realizing and understanding that I have the capacity, the power and the responsibility to give myself this point, to gift me to myself, to give myself the self and the life that it is that I really want to live and live that within the context of equality and oneness, of what is best for all.
 
  • And so in this I commit myself to, within my process of self-forgiveness, really investigate and question what comes up within my mind, and ask myself ‘is this really what I want for myself?, Is this really what I would want for anyone?’ and within that realize that I do have the power, the capacity and the responsibility to change me, change the relationship I have with myself into that which I would want to have, would want to live within and can stand within for eternity. And within this I commit myself to work on my relationship with my physical, realize that the relationship I am working with is my relationship with me, with who I am – and in that no more blindly accepting and allowing what comes up within my mind but start questioning it, investigating it, re-asserting and re-committing who I am for me, for my living, for my life – for the first time.


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