Understand how much you accept and allow your childhood to still impact and influence you now. I have realized that the points that I had to face as a child are still influencing me - still today.
As a child I had a big problem with the experience that nobody was listening to me when I was trying to express myself and asking questions - and if someone would seem to listen they would have forgotten what I had said the next day or so.
I got a lot of justification to why this person “couldn’t” remember what I had said, always coming with explanations to why it was impossible to remember what I had tried to explain or expressed.
This is something that I have carried with me into my adult life, getting really emotional when I perceive it as if someone doesn’t listen to me when I talk.
I allow myself to get really scared and anxious when I have to speak in front of a lot of people – mostly because I’m afraid that no one is going to listen or even care about what I have to say.
In this scenario it’s very easy to take for granted, even before you start to speak, that no one is going to listen or care about what you have to say according to your past experiences.
So, I realize that what I have done is that I have accepted this “fearing that others
won’t listen/care about what I have to say” as a part of my “personality”.
Interestingly enough - This is how psychology-books explain what a personality is:
“People’s personality is a result of the genetics in combination with our experiences”
-So, all of our memories will become parts of our personality?
Through this information you learn that it’s okay to define yourself according to your past experiences and memories, that you get “shaped” by what you have been through.
With this knowledge I have accepted myself to continue this behavior, allowing myself to take it personally if someone is distracted when communicating with me and don’t seem to listen. Thereby I blame myself for not being “interestingly enough” and going into my mind – thinking that I’m really boring.
I find myself overanalyzing a lot of what I have said, thinking; “why did I say that?” instead of being in the present and stop defining myself according to what I have said/done.
What I’ve also realized is that a big part of why I find it so important that others will listen to me and find what I communicate about worth listening to – Is because I’m never really listening to myself or finding myself as interesting.
I’ve always been looking for attention from other people instead of giving myself attention.
Is a "personality" really for real then – or is it just a limitation?
I think our made-up-personality is only designed for us to be able to separate ourselves from others, thinking and perceiving that we, obviously, aren’t one and equal – that our personality will decide if we become “more then” or “better then” others.
From an early age we learn that you get high status if you have a “good personality”. But who decides what a "good personality" is then?
We need to stop defining ourselves according to our past experiences and instead realize that we don’t need to limit ourselves and our self-expression as we now allow ourselves to do, by thinking and believing that we are limited because of earlier experiences where we “learnt” that there are some frames we need to adjust to.
Saying “it’s just a part of my personality” is only a justification for us to still hold onto a part of us that is actually not supporting us, or anyone else, at all.