How to Find Motivation When You'd Rather Give up - Day 397

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become completely dependent on perceiving it as though it is possible for me to attain the highest grade as an end-result of my participation within a specific subject for me to be able to motivate myself into studying - in the sense of seeing studying as something that is worthwhile and enjoyable – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become unmotivated and resisting studying after having messed up an exam, wherein I all of a sudden would feel as though there is no use because I have already missed my chance of attaining an A as my final grade – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “what’s the use” – where I would allow myself to physically and practically become that statement, where I find myself unable to motivate and move myself to study, which I see and realize is a result and indication of having formed a starting-point for studying which was never completely based on a self-movement but rather on having formed the idea of it being possible for me to attain the highest grade.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I just want to give up, where I see and realize that my motivation for studying is merely based on the perception I have formed of it being possible for me to attain an A in my final grade, wherein that dependency would result in an experience of being unmotivated when and as I saw myself losing that prospect.

• And so I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed everything that I do, and my motivation for actually moving and pushing myself within what I decide to do, to be dependent on and determined by the perception I form of what I am able to attain through my participation – wherein I realize that I will actually merely feel motivated to participate when I have formed the perception of it being possible for me to attain a great result, and so whenever I perceive it as impossible for me to attain a great result I don’t see any purpose to participate – and I realize that this applies to pretty much everything within my reality, where my interpretation of the possible outcome will determine how motivated I feel to participate.

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self-movement within what I do and decide to participate within, but have instead accepted and allowed my perception of the possible outcome to determine how motivated I feel – not seeing or realizing how this is extremely self-limiting, as I become dependent on attaining an experience and belief in regards to seeing an opportunity of possibly attaining an experience of ‘being great’ within what I am doing or going to do for me to actually move myself and enjoy what I do – and so letting my starting-point be permeated with the interpretation I have formed of the possible outcome, and so already before starting something will assess what the outcome may/might be – projecting myself into the future and so preventing myself from moving myself, moment by moment, in self-direction.  

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within my school-participation to not ever accept and allow the experience of being unmotivated and the back-chat “what’s the use” to control and direct me into not studying – and so when I see that the back-chat “what’s the use” emerges within the mind, where an experience of not being motivated comes up, I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to stop my participation and within that take a stance to move myself out of the mind, where I do not listen and do not trust the mind to tell me what to do but instead I move myself, I take that opportunity to show myself capable of directing myself – and so I take responsibility through re-instructing and re-asserting myself within that moment to become the directive principle of me, where I re-align my starting-point to be ‘I move myself’ and thus practice on that in every moment where I see what needs to be done, and so I move myself to study, I practically sit down and focus, and whenever I see the mind interfere I take a moment to breathe, slow myself down and so move myself back to here and place my attention on practical, physical reality – to in that stop the dependency of experience and ideas about the outcome for me to be able to move myself within what I am doing – to instead make sure that no matter what the outcome may/might be I make sure that I do what needs to be done and so do my best, where I thus remind myself of the fact that this is what matters – as the point of who I am within what I am doing, that this is what shows me WHO I AM and is thus what will form my relationship with myself – because within this I see, realize and understand that who I am within my relationship with me is what gets influenced and determined by who I am within what I am doing, where I realize that I am not trustworthy, that I cannot trust myself really, if I do not show myself and walk my capacity, ability and responsibility to be the directive principle of me – and so, when I see that I experience myself as unmotivated and want to kind of like just ‘give up’ – I remind myself of this, I remind myself of the fact that what I am giving up on is me, is myself, is my integrity and my self-responsibility – that this has nothing to do with school at all but that it is rather about who I decide to be, what I decide to influence and control me – and I do not accept and allow my relationship with me to be and become deteriorated due to me, not taking self-responsibility through making sure that I MOVE myself, but instead I see the moments where I feel unmotivated as opportunities for me to show myself real strength, real self-respect and real self-movement through taking my life in my own hands and so decide to move myself from within to the without and thus replace the experience of attaining motivation from external factors, such as attaining the perception of it being possible for me to attain good results, with a movement as motivation from within, where I move myself as motivation from the within to the without.

Failing Before Even Trying - Day 396

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage through creating an idea around final exams, wherein I expect, anticipate and assume that just because it is a final exam it will mean that it is way harder and more difficult than normal exams - where I have consequentially allowed that idea to influence and effect my starting-point and so my experience within myself before walking through a final exam – in where I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this idea that I have formed of final exams to control my internal experience and approach, where I, even before actually doing the final exams, will within me decide that it is going to be hard and almost impossible – not seeing or realizing how such idea will actually make it impossible for me to really see the reality and so walk the final exam within self-awareness and self-stability, since I have already taken a decision to see it as difficult and am thus preventing myself from simply walking through and seeing the exam for what it is.

• And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it harder and more complicated than what it has to be through forming an emotional attachment to final exams – in where I now see and realize that I am preventing myself from seeing reality in terms of walking through the exam moment by moment and thus read the questions, understand the questions and so answer them – due to instead having formed a reaction of fearing that I won’t be able to understand or answer a question even before I have given myself the opportunity to actually read the questions.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation when walking through a final exam – to within that be aware of the tendency of self-sabotage wherein I go into the idea of it being more difficult and hard just because it is labeled as a ‘final exam’ and so, when I see that fear starts to emerge within me due to forming a perception of the final exam even before doing it I assist and support myself to stop my participation and breathe – where I no more accept and allow myself to go into, generate or feed this idea and starting-point but instead I move and direct myself out of such fear where I realize that I will merely prevent myself from focusing on real reality through creating layers of ideas and fears before walking through an exam.

• And so I furthermore commit myself to practice this point of preventing myself from generating this idea of it being more difficult and hard just because it is called a ‘final exam’ – where I instead re-instruct myself to approach the exam without making it seem sooo big and overwhelming – through within me being aware of the tendency of generating fear and anticipations and so in that instead take a stance within me to instruct myself to face the exam with ‘real eyes’ so to speak; meaning, really giving myself the opportunity to face reality through reminding myself of the fact that I cannot know how an exam will be until I walk it, and thus I commit myself to face the exams through making sure that I really read the questions slowly, in the sense of giving myself the opportunity to really understand what they are asking and so when having made sure that I understand the question I answer – to within that prevent myself from going into the tendency of rushing, as I realize that rushing has only resulted in misunderstandings/misinterpretations and so consequentially ineffectiveness as I’ll have to read the questions over and over again until understanding it – and so therefor I slow myself down, I remain here within breath and so make sure that I understand, which I can only do if I give myself the chance to focus on physical reality and so stop the point of rushing practically.   

When The Best Student Fails - Day 395

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute self-defeat while doing the final exam due to not being capable of answering all of the questions and so accessing and becoming preoccupied by fear of failure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of failure as an automatic response when coming across a question that I did not understand/did not know the correct answer to – wherein I would thus remain in that experience of fear that the first instance of not knowing the answer to a question set off, and so brought that experience with me throughout the entire exam – consequentially fearing every single upcoming question due to already having created a definition of myself as a failure caused by that first instance as the question that I saw myself being unable to answer correctly.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into stress and anxiety when struggling with a question due to the limited amount of time that I had – wherein I would thus self-sabotage through looking at the watch and within that go into the mind thinking ‘shit, common –fuck I am so slow’ where I essentially just created a point of total black-out as a consequence of going into the mind, judging myself and inflicting stress – which I see, realize and understand merely made it more difficult as I would within that rather make myself ineffective since I was so busy participating within another dimension within the mind instead of actually being here, with me, working with myself to figure the equation out – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that judging and being hard on myself will push me into working harder and faster – not seeing or realizing that every time I accept and allow myself to participate within stress, fear and anxiety I am only making it harder for myself since I am basically attempting to fight myself into managing to work harder and faster – which results in internal conflict/friction that prevents me from focusing on the only point that is here, which is the question/equation – where I see and realize that what I would require is to actually stand with myself and so work with me instead of against me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself into two separate entities within the mind through accessing fear, stress and self-anger as a response to perceiving myself not to work hard and fast enough throughout the exam and so within that creating yet another point within me of desire to succeed – and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear of failure and desire to succeed as two separate points and dimensions of which I utilize to motivate and push myself within an exam – instead of seeing and realizing how this merely limits me from seeing what is here in self-stability and so support myself to walk through the exam moment by moment, breath by breath – because within that my starting-point is based on fear and desire rather than me, being here, walking what needs to be walked.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a perception of the final exam as the most important thing in the world, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own future and so take it to an extreme through making the possibility of getting a bad grade seem way greater than what it is in practical reality – but within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation in terms of going into the mind and convincing myself that this whole semester has been worthless and useless, that all the time I have spent studying and stressing about has been for nothing due to now understanding that I will lower my final grade.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to judge and blame myself as inadequate due to not nailing the final exam, wherein I would thus go into a point of grief, as though a part of me died with that final exam – which basically is what happened, because within this I see, realize and understand that I had formed a definition of myself based on always nailing the exams thus far, and while being faced with the final exam I realized that that would not be the case this time – which would then trigger such experience of grief/loss – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear receiving the grade on my final exam due to understanding that the teacher will have to ask me what the hell went wrong – and so I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the teacher’s feedback due to having allowed myself to take the result of my performance personally and thus within that understanding that the teacher will point out that I have never performed this bad before – not seeing or realizing that, yes, the teacher will point this out and will most likely get quite surprised by the result to say the least, but that does not mean that I have  to take it personally, it does not mean that I have to blame and judge myself, as who I am, according to the feedback.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional attachment to ‘bad grades’ and ‘failure’ – where I react to everything except nailing the exam in absolute despair and shame – instead of within that seeing and realizing that reacting to it in despair and shame cannot assist or support me in any way, but that I am merely feeding and empowering the point of accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the grades even more.

I’ll continue on this point tomorrow.

When Self-Care Becomes The Ultimate Sin - Day 394

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I do not deserve to care for myself and accept myself if or when I perceive or experience it as though others to not care for or accept me – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adjust my self-support and compromise my self-relationship through letting the perception I form within the mind in regards to what others ‘give me’ to be the determining factor for how I see myself and so how I decide to treat myself in thought, word and deed – where I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for others to show me care and acceptance instead of giving myself self-care and self-acceptance unconditionally – and within this I see, realize and understand that I have formed an inherent belief and automatic pattern in relation to how I see myself and so treat myself, where I think and believe that I have to earn care and acceptance from others to be permitted to accept and care for myself.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is shameful to care for and accept myself if or when I have formed a perception within the mind of others not accepting me or caring for me – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and oppose caring for and accepting myself if or when I do not experience or interpret it as though others care for/accept me due to accepting an experience of shame to decide for me, where I see and realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to fully trust and give value to an experience of shame without ever having considered or questioned the belief of it being shameful to care for and accept oneself – but instead just immediately, automatically and instantaneously accepted shame to decide for me.

• And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of going into self-anger and self-hatred when and as I form an idea or perception of others not caring for or accepting me, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it would be shameful and completely wrong for me to care for myself and accept myself when or if others don’t – due to thinking and believing that “I am not to think that I am anything special or important or worthy” – and so especially not in situations where I interpret or perceive it as though other people see me this way.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind and torment myself through back-chatting about how worthless and useless I am as an automatic response to situations/moments wherein I have formed the perception of not being accepted by others/another or experiencing it as though others/another is neglecting me – wherein I automatically and immediately just follow, listen to and comply with whatever comes up within the mind due to thinking and believing that it is legitimate and justifiable for me to judge myself as worthless and useless, and thus not care for and accept myself but rather neglect and punish myself, if or when I perceive others not to accept or care about me – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would give myself something that I do not deserve if I would to accept and care for myself in moments where others do not care about or accept me – and so within this allowing myself to use the slightest indication of disapproval, neglect or lack of care within another to trigger the construct of self-shame, where I just automatically accept and allow myself to go into the belief of myself as not being worthy of acceptance and care and thus consequentially neglecting and bullying myself within the mind – instead of seeing and realizing that I am the one deciding to give value to the belief of myself as not deserving acceptance and care whenever I perceive others to neglect me in any kind of way, where I furthermore realize that I am actually constantly and continuously anticipating and expecting others to neglect and disapprove of who/how I am and within that am consequentially perceiving and reacting to everything within another with this self-belief veiling reality – and so within this I realize that the underlying point here is merely based on my own self-neglect and self-disapproval, where I allow myself to see myself as worthless and useless – and as a consequence I am anticipating and expecting others to form this idea about me, wherein I have manipulated myself into thinking and believing that if it is another who says that I am worthless then it is OK for me to think and believe that about myself – where that has thus become the belief which I will use to continue existing within and making it legitimate for me to see myself as worthless. But I mean, why would I believe that it is just completely OK for me to see myself as worthless and useless if I perceive it to come from outside of me? Why would I allow myself to just automatically go into shame when I perceive others to neglect or disapprove of me – when I can within that decide to stand up for myself and so not take it personally but instead choose to accept and care for myself, I mean this is about my life, my relationship to me – and so why compromise that through letting my perceptions and beliefs about what others may/might think of me to decide how I see myself and so how I experience myself within?

• I commit myself to assist and support myself through my writings and self-forgiveness to open up and investigate the construct I have formed in relation to utilizing my perception of others experiences/thoughts about me to decide how I treat and see myself – to in that further look at and stop the automatic pattern of going into shame and the belief that I do not deserve to accept and care for myself if I perceive it as though another neglect/disapprove of me. And within this I furthermore commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I am going into shame, as the situations where I believe others to neglect/disapprove of me – where I within that stop and so take a moment to breathe – where I stop the automatic response of self-blame and instead start to question what comes up – where I no more accept and allow myself to just automatically and instantaneously go into and give value to whatever comes up within the mind – but instead start to question it, investigating it and so show myself that I can make the decision not to go into it, not to trust or give value to it – but instead stop and breathe, where I realize that only I can decide who I am and so what I allow within – and so within that awareness I decide to realign my self-relationship to establish unconditional self-acceptance and self-care, to within that release myself from the dependency that I have formed to/towards what I believe and expect others to think of me – since that does not matter – because I still have the ultimate responsibility for who and how I am, within and without.

What Determines Your Worthiness? - Day 393

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire other people to react in a specific way as a response to the image I present to the world – where I within this have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the reactions I may/might trigger within other people defines who I am in the context of my value and worth – where I see and realize that I am basically utilizing my perception of how other people respond and react to and towards the image I present of myself to the world to measure who I am and to gauge my value and worth– and so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop a well-grounded understanding of the true nature of personal value in the sense of actually valuing life and real living – in relation to developing and investigating what real living, real expression is and means – but have instead accepted and allowed myself to form an alternate reality as a result of allowing myself to adopt the distorted views that I have been presented with from this external world/reality – without ever questioning or investigating the beliefs, ideas and ideals that I have endorsed in terms of looking at and really live the understanding of how limiting these beliefs are, where I see and realize that the ideals and self-beliefs that I have formed and adopted as a result of the distorted views this external reality promotes are merely just opinions, ideas, beliefs – which means that they are not real, not tangible, not based on what is best for all or even based on any real value what so ever – and yet, I have allowed myself to mold my viewpoint about/of myself according to this.

• In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling secure with myself as a person, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and look for inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who I am through seeking approval from my external reality and other people, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from internal stability in terms of actually standing with who I am and so trust myself, accept myself and give myself approval – and I forgive myself that I have within this accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity-construct in the sense of believing myself to require approval and validation from external sources to be able to ‘feel secure’ – and so consequentially manifesting the other side of the polarity, as the fear of external disapproval, criticism and rejection and the perception thereof – and so within that becoming dependent on external factors to feel approved of instead of seeing and realizing that remaining within such dependency on external factors to feel approved of, I will consequentially always remain within this polarity-game, this constant internal conflict and friction of fear and desire – where how I see myself will be in the hands of things that I have no control over.

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations and moments where I see that my starting-point behind something I feel the need to say or do is based on the internal experience of wanting approval from my external reality/other people in relation to the want, need and desire to stimulate/trigger specific reactions within other people and when I see that my starting-point is based on fear of rejection/criticism/disapproval – and so within that re-instruct myself to no more accept and allow myself to let an experience of wanting approval/validation or fearing rejection to be the starting-point behind who I am, how I am or what I say/do – but instead I immediately stop and breathe, where I take a moment and so re-establish my starting-point to no more accept and allow myself to search and look for approval/validation outside of myself – and so in that see and realize that to stop the fear of criticism, rejection and disapproval I require to stop the search and desire to stimulate/trigger specific responses within others to/towards me, since it is based on the same belief – as the belief I have created in relation to placing my own worth and value within the perception I form of what and how other’s sees and feels about me.

How To Become Better Than Everyone Else - Day 392

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing and interpreting it as though other people within my surrounding are more aligned with the ideal I have formed within the mind in relation to who I believe that I have to be as the self-image that I have come to perceive myself to require as a result of what I have learned to see as appreciated/valued by others – in the context of looking at who and how one must be to reactive positive feedback as validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation from other people, and within where I believe myself to require appreciation and being seen as a worthwhile person by others for me to be able to see myself as worthy – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that this would apparently mean that I am less than and inferior to beings which I perceive to be more aligned with the idea I have formed of what the ideal self-image is – not seeing or realizing that I am the only one making myself feel less than and inferior – that this experience is a result of the consent and value I allow myself to give to the belief I have formed in regards to what the ideal self-image is and further giving value to the idea that beings are either superior or inferior dependent on how aligned/affiliated the self-image that they present to the world is to the ideal I have formed and given value to within my mind as well as the value I give to the perception I form of how other people see me and respond to how/who I am.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of fear when and as I perceive another person to get recognition/validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation from others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear which would emerge to trigger an automatic pattern that I have formed, in where I automatically will attempt and try to deteriorate, diminish and discredit other people within the mind whenever I perceive a being to be better than me, more aligned with the ideal self-image that I have formed within the mind or if I perceive another person to get more validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation than me – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to either make the person appear less than/not worthy of the recognition through secretly diminishing the being within my mind where I’m essentially searching and looking for aspects with the being that I can utilize as a means to make myself feel and see myself as less inferior, or allow myself to go into an experience of myself as being less than where I just submit to and fully trust the belief and idea of myself as being less worthwhile as a person.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a competition-construct within the mind when and as I perceive another person to receive recognition from others for how or who the person is or for something that the person has achieved, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed instances where I perceive or interpret it as though another person is getting recognition to be and become a trigger-point that activates an automatic response within me, consisting of the experience of being challenged, where I believe that the self-image that I present to the world is being challenged – and in this have thus consequentially allowed myself to separate myself from, compare and compete with the being that I perceive to get attention/confirmation/validation/recognition – thinking and believing that my value and worth are at stake – and so believing that I require to assure my own worthiness as a person through changing who and how I am to be more aligned with what I see others to get recognition for.

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations where I see that another person/other beings are getting recognition from the surrounding; through within that being aware of the tendency I have of going into fear – where I realize that the fear is the automatic response that triggers the pattern of going into either an internal competition through comparing and judging myself and my own worth in comparison to the other being/beings or the pattern of going into the mind where I’ll attempt/try to deteriorate, diminish and discredit other people due to believing that my self-image is at stake – and so within this I commit myself to prevent myself from going in to this construct through being aware of, and flag-point, these situations/occasions – and so within that no more accept and allow myself to take it further when and as I see that fear starts to emerge, but to instead immediately stop and breathe when and as I see myself reacting to/towards the perception I form of other people’s achievements and the recognition they’ll get – and so within me I assert myself to not participate, to not go into the pattern of comparing/competing/judging – but instead stand within who I am, and so reinstruct myself within the moment and realize that I know where this takes me, that this that is coming up within my mind is not so cool, really not assisting and supporting me and it’s really actually fucking me up within myself and my physical and my life – and therefor I take my place within myself, within my mind, relationship to I am and relationship to my physical body and so stand in that position of really taking responsibility for who I am, for what I want, for how I want to be, for how I want to experience myself and my physical and my life within this world and reality.

How to Look and Feel Your Best - Day 391

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of not being confident when being with or around other people – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way for me to reassure that I prevent and evade the experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident is through becoming as aligned and affiliated with the ideal that I have formed within the mind as I possibly can, so that I can present this ideal self-image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident comes from within, as a result of my internal participation within self-judgments stemming from the basic idea I have formed of myself – and that solving these internal experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident in certain situations will not and cannot be done through allowing and giving my consent/approval to self-judgments, and the experiences it result in, to decide who I am or my self-worth – because within that I am merely feeding and generating the program that I have formed within me – where I see and realize that changing ‘who I am’ externally as an attempt to become more aligned with the ideal self-image that I have formed within the mind, will and can merely suppress the symptoms as the internal experiences of inadequacy for so long, since I am not actually in any way changing, like really changing who I am within in the sense of establishing actual self-confidence – but am only creating a shielding layer as a measure of protection which I can hide behind to feel better about myself for just a while – until I find yet another thing about me that is not aligned with the ideal self-image. And so I see, realize and understand that to really establish actual self-confidence I require to stop this program, to stop this from the within to the without – where the only solution lays within me, within me as my self-awareness.

• And so I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I have the capacity, the ability and the responsibility to decide what I am going to accept and allow within me and so without – where I realize that emerging as that self-awareness is a decision that has to be made in practical reality, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations where I see that judgments emerges within me and so I immediately stop my participation, I breathe and I bring myself back to here – where I stand as that awareness, leading my own life and thus standing as that decision to no more accept and allow myself to attempt and try to suppress the symptoms of the basic idea I have formed of myself in the context of being inadequate through attempting and trying to mold and align myself to become more like the ideal self-image that I believe to exist – but instead I face the basic idea that I have formed of myself and so stop accepting and allowing self-beliefs to tell me who I am – and so start directing myself within the situations where I see that the experiences of being uncomfortable or unconfident emerges – where I, within my awareness, realize that this is merely an experience, it does not mean that I have to go into, give value to or trust it – and so therefor I commit myself to practice this point of practically asserting myself within these situations where I direct myself not to take the judgments or experience of being unconfident personally – but instead within me decide to give myself the opportunity to find out what would happen and how it would be when I do not go into it or trust it to be me but instead just state ‘No, till here no further’.

To Exist On Something Other Than a Scale - Day 390

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will see me as less than others/not as interesting or as good as other people and thus turn their backs on me and leave or replace me with someone ‘better’ if I do not live up to and according to the norms, as the constant strive to obtain and become the ideals that are collectively being accepted as ideally within this society in terms of who and how I believe I must and should be and present myself to the world for others to see me as interesting enough/good enough/beautiful enough/worthy enough – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear existing on something other than a scale, measuring one's alignment and affiliation with the ideal self-image consisting of what is being seen as external perfection in terms of who and how one is, behaves and looks – wherein I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to let go of the ideals that I have formed within the mind in relation to who and how I believe I must be and so present and portray myself to the world to prevent others from seeing me and the self-image I present as less than other people’s self-images – due to thinking and believing that the measurement of my personal value will decrease in the eyes of others if I let go of or do not fit into the frame of what I perceive and believe to be defined, encouraged and valued within this system as ‘the ideal self-image’, as who and how one must be and present themselves within this world to be approved and to be seen as worthwhile person.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up the strive and attempt to fit into the frame of what is being seen as the ideal self-image in terms of what I perceive to be approved and valued externally in the context of how and who a person should and require to be for others to praise, validate and value the being – where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I will get exchanged/replaced with someone else within the relationships that I have - thinking and believing that I won’t stand a chance against people that I perceive to be more aligned and ranked higher on the scale that measure one’s alignment and affiliation with the ideal self-image, and so believing that I would consequentially be replaced within the relationships that I have with other people.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise and limit myself and my life through placing greater importance and value on external validation than on creating a relationship with me where I place value and importance on who I am and on establishing unconditional self-acceptance, where I have allowed the approval of others to be the standard by which I gauge my own worth – instead of seeing and realizing that letting my perception of someone else’s opinion shape the view I have of myself is actually a deliberate decision, wherein I decide to absorb and incorporate the perception I form of what others think of me – and that I thus have the ability, the capacity and the responsibility to stop placing value and importance on external feedback and my perception of whether I manage to live up to the ideal self-image or not – where I see and realize that I am dishonoring, compromising and wasting my life and so myself as who I am through accepting and allowing myself to attempt and try to mold and change myself into becoming someone else externally – where nothing within me, as my internal circumstances, will or can change through external adjustments and alterations.

• When and as I see that fear emerges within me due to perceiving myself as who I am, what I accomplish or how I look, to be inadequate/not good enough/not aligned with what is referred to as ideally or affiliated with the belief I have formed within the mind towards what an ideal self-image is – I stop and I breathe – within this I commit myself to assist and support myself through taking a moment to breathe and ground myself here, where I no more accept and allow myself to feed and empower such internal fear and belief of myself and my worth as being defined and gauged by how close or how far away I am from the image I have formed within the mind in relation to what the ideal self-image is – but instead I commit myself to assist and support myself to immediately stop my participation, bring myself back to here and in that focus on what matters in terms of who I am and what I accept and allow within - and so I make sure that I direct and move myself to not accept and allow any further participation within perceptions of myself that are based on comparisons with the idea I have formed of what an ideal self-image is but instead I reassert myself within the moment to assist and support myself to ground myself here through breath.

Obliterating The Ideal Self-Image - Day 389

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and form an ideal within the mind, consisting of the self-image that I desire and want myself to be and become – as the idea I have of who or what I have to be, as who I think and believe that I require to become for me to be able to be satisfied with myself, for me to be able to stop judging myself as inadequate and for me to be able to be confident and stop comparing and stop competing with others – not seeing or realizing that what fuels and empowers this internal experience of having to become something or someone else then who I am and believe myself to be, as what I have allowed myself to define myself as and by, to be able to become comfortable, confident and satisfied with and within myself is my own participation, where I realize that I accept and allow myself to actually take the decision to deliberately go into, give value to and trust the idea that comes up within the mind as an imagination of it being ‘who I am’ that is the problem, that is lacking, not seeing and realizing that it is not the ‘who I am’ that is what needs to be changed or aligned with the internal ideal I have formed, but it is rather the definitions, perceptions and ideas I have in relation to who I am and how I see myself that I require to change and recreate and that what needs to be stopped is the value I allow myself to give to the ideal I have formed within the mind – where I see and realize that the ideal I have formed within the mind is based on external knowledge and information which I have given value to and trusted to be what and who I need to be and become – where I have essentially brainwashed myself into trusting and incorporating external messages and propaganda in regards to ‘who and how one should be’ – instead of giving myself the opportunity to trust myself to look within me, and so trust the actual understanding I have in relation to how external messages about what is ideal and what is not, are not in any way based on what is really in fact valuable within a human being – as each being’s individual expression – wherein what is being taught and encouraged within the system are rather the opposite – and I mean; how fun would it be if every being became just copy of each other, just a bunch of clones? Is that the type of world I would want to live within? No – so I see, realize and understand that I would rather see individuals that actually dare living self-expression,  that dare standing up for who they are as their real beingness, and so within this I see and realize that I have the responsibility to be what I want to see within this world in terms of no more accepting and allowing myself to attempt and try to be and become the ideal I have formed within the mind as the apparent perfect self-image just so that I can experience it as though I fit into the frame of what is being seen as an acceptable image that I can present to the world – but to instead investigate, find out and explore who I REALLY am, what it REALLY means to live self-expression and within that practically establish self-acceptance where I live the courage that I wish to see within this world, within other people – and so realize that that would actually be so much more awesome than what it would be to become just a clone, just another copy of the images and ideals that is being imposed from this external world and reality – I mean, how can I trust this society, when actually looking at how this system functions, to tell me who I should be – when looking outside of myself and seeing the result of what we have collectively accepted and promoted and followed and complied with?

Conquering The Contest Of Survival - Day 388

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to what I externally do/manage to do – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to ‘earn’ value and worth through my external participation in the sense of achieving, accomplishing and performing within the frames of what I have learned to define as ‘good’ and ‘valuable’- as the opinions that I have incorporated from this system/society in relation to what is being seen as ‘good’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to ‘enhance’ my value through the things that I am doing in my practical reality – instead of seeing and realizing that I am actually denying myself my value and worth as life by implying that I have to earn it through external achievements – and that what is being defined as ‘good’ within this society/system is not in any way based on what is actually best for all but essentially determined by what one has to do to ensure one’s survival, where accomplishments and success are directly connected and linked to money, to survival, to conquering a contest that only a few can win, and where the possibility of winning merely exist as a polarity to the majority that has to loose.

• And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to compete about value with others, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to conquer through proving myself worthy through externally performing and achieving ‘better’ than others – so that I can ensure my own survival.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my own survival will be at risk if I do not live according to the belief and idea that I require to earn value through externally achieving within the frames of what is being defined as ‘good’ by this society.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my experience of myself to be conditioned and controlled by how much and ‘how good’ I perceive myself to perform externally within my day to day living, where I see and realize that I have allowed the interpretation/perception/experience that I form as a response to what I have managed to get done, and the apparent quality of what I have done, within a day to completely determine how I feel about myself in the context of whether I see myself as valuable/worthy or not – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just blindly and automatically accept and allow the experience, perception and belief that comes up within the mind as a response to how ‘effective’ I apparently am or am not within a moment/situation/day – instead of seeing and realizing that just because I have made an assessment and created an opinion in relation to my effectiveness or the quality of what I have done, where I see it as though I am not aligned with the demands and expectations I have of myself, it still does not mean that it is legitimate to judge myself as less worthy or not good enough – but that I have within this allowed myself to give value to the belief that I somehow get a free pass to judge myself as inadequate within situations/moments/periods where I practically assess my performance/participation and conclude that my participation is in some way not aligned with the definition I have in relation to what is ‘good’.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself when and as I see that I am forming a perception or experience as a response to my external participation and in relation to the ‘effectiveness’ or quality of what I do – and in where I within this no more accept and allow myself to continue my participation within judgment but instead I bring myself back to here, to breathing – where I see and realize that what I do does not determine my value or worth – and so therefor I commit myself to slow myself down and realign/correct my starting-point to instead support myself within what I am doing, where I within my awareness move with me, with breath and so value myself as life instead of placing my value into what I manage to do – since I see and realize through doing so I will merely trap myself within a struggle between superiority and inferiority.

The Things We Do To Feel Good About Ourselves - Day 387

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate and habitually participate within a desire, want and need to and towards attaining the experience of being more successful/accomplished/better than others within the areas of which I participate within in my external world and reality – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become dependent on such internal experience – where I within that think and believe that for me to be able to enjoy what I do and motivate myself to continue my participation, I require to interpret it and experience it as though I am better/more accomplished than others, or that there is an opportunity/chance for me to become better than others within that specific area. – And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my external participation/involvement to be regulated and determined by the perception I form within the mind in relation to ‘how accomplished others are within this area’ – where I see and realize that I have formed an automatic pattern of constantly and continuously assessing and ranking how good/accomplished others are within the areas of which I also participate within or consider to start participating within – where I am kind of like estimating where I am or could/would be on the parameter/diagram I have formed within the mind – and in this accepting and allowing the evaluation of ‘where I am/would/could be’ in relation to others to determine how I experience myself, whether I will feel good enough or not, if I will continue/start participating and how I feel about others in regards to either seeing others as superior/a threat or not.

• And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite people that I perceive to be better than or more successful/accomplished than me – but at the same time thinking and believing that if I become ‘better than’ and more successful than others, then people will be more inclined to accept and like me – not seeing or realizing how I am revealing and showing to myself that I experience the contrary, that I am not in any way more inclined to accept/like people that I perceive to be ‘better’/more accomplished than me but will rather feel threatened and intimidated by such people where I attempt to deteriorate them just so that I can feel better about myself – so, how can I trust and give value to the belief that ‘others will be and become more inclined to accept and like me if I am better than them’ when my intuition is to dislike and not accept people that I perceive to be better than me? – Since I would within that rather feel intimidated, threaten, inadequate and less than such beings.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people will overtake/move faster than me when it comes to specific areas that I participate within in my external world/reality – where I have accepted and allowed myself to see everything as a race, as a competition - and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘falling behind’ or not moving as fast as others, and am consequentially manifesting an internal reverberating experience of stress and fear – accepting and allowing myself to participate within and generate a constant internal conflict, where I am basically attempting and trying to fight myself into keeping up with others and where I go into an automatic response of fear whenever I interpret or perceive it as though I am falling behind or am not moving as fast as others or another person – not seeing or realizing that I am actually within this completely forgetting about and missing me, who I am and what really in fact matters – where I get so preoccupied with winning a race that I haven’t even considered asking myself why? – and within this I see, realize and understand that the slight experience of ‘accomplishment’ that emerge within me as a response to the interpretation I form of having accomplished something or attained perfect results within something, does only last for a split second – and then I am right back in the competition/race again – and so I see, realize and understand that I am within this constantly attempting to run away from the experience of ‘failure’, of being ‘less than others’ – but, trying to run away from such experience is definitely not a solution, because I realize that I am preventing myself from facing the fear and facing myself and the creation I have constructed in relation to the integrated self-belief of myself, who I am and my self-worth as something that is dependent on and determined by the accomplishments I manage to achieve externally.

• I commit myself to assist and support myself to face me, to face my own creation as how I have constructed and formed my life to be and become a constant race – where I am essentially running away from myself, from actually caring for myself and from developing and living self-acceptance – I mean; shit, this is not how I want to live my life, this is not what I want for myself or would want for anyone within this existence. And so therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I start to compare myself to others in the sense of assessing who is better/more accomplished – where I in that immediately stop my participation and breathe – in where I direct my attention and focus to stop following, stop participating and stop obeying to what comes up within the mind – but instead I bring myself back to here, back to breathing, where I correct myself within such moments through realizing that I am one and equal to others, that others are parts of me – and therefor I no more accept and allow myself to separate myself from me through competing with others but instead I direct myself to slow myself down and work with others, with myself – and so giving myself the opportunity to face what it is that I am attempting to run away from, where I have the tools with which to stabilize myself – and so with my breathing, my self-forgiveness and self-corrections I commit myself to face my own creation and explore how it is to live a life where I value who I am, and in that get to know this ‘I’ through removing the current construct that I live within that is based on valuing and defining this ‘I’ by the mind's interpretation of what I externally can/do accomplish. Because within this I see and realize that I am hiding behind external accomplishments, where I fear facing who I am when peeling off the ‘acceptable image’ I portray and present to the world. But, I realize that it is time – and so I commit myself to peel off the layers and face who I am beneath the veil of what I do.

I Really Want You To Fail - Day 386

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will succeed in ways and within areas where I perceive myself to have failed within or am unable to succeed within – due to thinking and believing that if another person can succeed and manage to obtain a better result than me within areas that I participate within, then that must mean that I am not ‘as good as that person’ but am rather less than and inadequate – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the perception I have of my external performances/accomplishments to others, where I within that have allowed myself to create a pattern of constant comparison and competition in the sense of believing that who I am, and so my self-worth, is determined and measured by whether or not I perceive others to be better than me within areas that I participate within as well.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the image I present of myself to the world will be deteriorated and degraded if and when I perceive someone else to be better than me or more successful than me within areas of which I participate within as well.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have not ever within or throughout my life accepted and allowed myself to question this pattern of self-interest as how I exist and live within this world in relation to others, where all I have come to care about is presenting an acceptable image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question and ask myself why – in the sense of looking at and investigating how and why I believe that presenting an acceptable image of myself to the world would matter or determine who I am - I mean; here I am busy separating myself from all and everyone through a continuous pattern of competition, where I essentially want others to fail just so that I can portray myself as more successful within the mind, but – why? What purpose does that serve?

• And so within this I commit myself to, through my writings and my self-forgiveness, start to investigate, look at and question the patterns I have formed in relation to feeling the need to portray and present an acceptable image of myself to the world – where I see and realize that I do not even understand my own creation fully, where I exist within an obsession in regards to the results I obtain externally in the sense of fearing failure and desiring to be better than others within what I do – but in where I have never really asked myself why, since – no matter what I ‘accomplish’ externally I have still always feared failure and especially in the context of perceiving myself to not be as good as others, due to thinking and believing that if I do not manage to portray an acceptable image of myself to the world then that must mean that I am inadequate – and so to within this look at the pattern of competing with others, where I realize that the construct serve no purpose but is merely perpetuating my existence within separation from others – and am thus separating myself from me through comparing myself with points and aspects that are outside of me – instead of actually establishing a relationship with me where I live self-acceptance and in that expand and grow within what I do without utilizing the points of comparison and competition, but rather move myself and so stand with others in assisting and supporting myself and so others to expand, develop and grow.

An Implicit Competition - Day 385

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that what I say/share when communicating/interacting with another person will get attacked/criticized/cut down by the other in where another person use what I say ‘against me’ by implying that what I say/share is inadequate or wrong and that the other being knows more or is better/smarter - and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying/sharing something that may/might make the other being experience it as though I am flawed/inferior/less than that being – due to thinking and believing that what another person thinks of me can determine who I am – not seeing or realizing that even if what I say/share does or would get attacked/criticized/cut down by another, it does not necessarily and automatically mean that it is personal or that I require to take it personally but that I do actually have the capacity, the ability and the responsibility to decide who I am in every moment, and that even if or when I perceive it as though another judge me as inferior I am still responsible for how I internally respond to such interpretation – where I see, realize and understand that I am the one making myself inferior through accepting and allowing myself to be and become the judgments I perceive others to form of me or towards something I say, and so therefor I realize that there is actually nothing to fear here, that I require to stand my ground and decide who I am in every moment and thus realize that another person’s response to what I share/speak is a reflection of who they are – and that it is thus no need to take it personally or make it personal.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the person I am interacting with will start an implicit ‘competition’ about who is the best/most educated/most knowledgeable where what I say/share gets ridiculed or repressed – due to thinking and believing that another human being can make me feel inferior, not seeing or realizing that it is only I who can make myself feel inferior through allowing myself to take someone else’s behaviors/words personally and within that making myself a victim through ‘just taking it’ instead of slowing myself down, looking inside of myself and so decide in every moment what I will accept and allow and what not – because within this I see, realize and understand that the reason for why another person’s behaviors/words trigger an experience of inferiority/inadequacy within me is because such program exist within me – where what is shown is that I still have points to work on and correct in regards to who I am within my relationship to me and in relation to self-acceptance, where I realize that within moments/situations where I perceive it as though another person attacks/ridicules what I share/speak are actually awesome opportunities where I can cross-reference where and who I am – where I can utilize such situations to practice on re-instructing myself to observe instead of inverting what comes up within my external reality.

• And so I commit myself to assist and support myself when interacting with other beings, through being aware of who I am within such situations – to in that be able to slow myself down within moments where I see myself going into fear of being attacked/criticized or being seen as inferior/not as good as the other being – and so when I see that fear emerging within me I take a moment to slow myself down with breath and within that I commit myself to stand within and as self-acceptance – where I direct and decide who I am within me, no more accepting and allowing another person to tell me who I am or whether I am inferior or not.

• I furthermore commit myself to assist and support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am interpreting/perceiving it as though another person is starting a competition about who is 'the best' etc. – where I within that immediately direct myself to not participate within such game, but instead I observe what is going on outside of me and within that let it be just that, outside of me – where I commit myself to no more accept and allow myself to invert whatever another person are implying but instead I let it play out and within that stand my ground through not accepting and allowing myself to take it personally or inverting it – but instead take such moments as opportunities to see where I am at, cross-referencing if any point within me isn’t clear and so also be able to get to know another being – as I see and realize that it is quite fascinating observing another person’s behavior and it is no need to take it personally or make it personal.

Why Do We Resent Successful People? - Day 384

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of being ‘less than’ or inferior to another person – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of going into an internal competition with others where I feel the need to assert myself and prove to others that ‘I am just as good as you are’ whenever I perceive or interpret it as though another person is sharing or talking about their achievements/performances/accomplishments or are in some way acknowledging their own ‘success’ – where I within that have accepted and allowed myself to go into an experience of being inferior/less than/not as good as – and will consequentially attempt and try to obtain the other side of the polarity, where the desire to feel ‘good enough’ and ‘just as good as’ comes up within me, where I am essentially trying to balance out the internal fear and negative experience of ‘not being as good as another’ through going into an internal competition where I feel the need to assert myself to be able to obtain the positive experience of being ‘just as good as’.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic pattern of wanting to, and believe that I require to, assert myself and prove that I am ‘just as good as another’ immediately whenever another person talks about their achievements/performances/accomplishments – and within that thinking and believing that another person will ‘think less of me’ or see me as inferior if I do not respond in the sense of letting them know that whatever they can or have accomplished is something that I have accomplished or am capable of as well – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will ‘think less of me’ if or when I do not prove to myself and to others that I am ‘just as good as them’ .

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately and automatically go into the mind and compare myself to other people/another person whenever a being share/talk about an achievement/accomplishment – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to validate a belief/idea/perception of myself in relation to being ‘just as good as the other person’ through going into and participating within an internal competition where I give value to and participate within the fear of ‘losing’ in the context of internally experiencing and perceiving myself to be inadequate and inferior and so within that feed and empower the desire to be able to validate a perception of myself as being ‘just as good as’ or better than/superior to the other being – where I within this forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become spiteful within me whenever I perceive it as though another person is bragging in the sense of attempting to appear as ‘better than’ or superior in some way – where I have allowed that perception of others to be and become a trigger-point within me where I will automatically respond through going into the tall poppy syndrome as a result of my internal fear of being seen as less than/not as good as/inadequate – and so within that go into resent because of another person’s achievement and my perception thereof merely because of my own internal fear of not being able to validate a belief/idea/perception of myself in relation to being ‘just as good as others’ and due to the desire to be able to obtain the internal experience of being better/superior.

• Within this I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations/moments where I perceive it as though another person share/talk about their achievements/performances/accomplishments or are in some way acknowledging their ‘success’ and in where I within me see that fear of being/being seen as less than/inferior to emerge within me and so the want/need/desire to assert myself and prove to others that I am ‘just as good as you’, I within that take a moment to slow myself down, where I breathe and ground myself here – and so within that see, realize and understand that I do not require to prove anything – and so instead I take my place within myself where I move myself out of the fear and so the desire and instead direct myself where I decide to accept myself, and so realize that I do not require to externally assert myself or make myself seem ‘just as good as another’ because within me I stand as and within that point of self-acceptance for myself unconditionally. And so within this I commit myself to practice this point of simply remaining here, where I slow myself down and simply listen to and focus on what the being is sharing, where I direct myself to listen instead of attempting and trying to come up with some form of response within the mind which will ‘prove me just as good as’ but instead I give myself self-acceptance and so move myself out of the competition and instead place my focus and attention on what is really here as the interaction I am participating in.

Bitch, Stop Competing - Day 383

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to compete with other people in the sense of comparing myself and who ‘I am’ in my external participation to how I perceive others to be – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to prove to myself that I am better than others for me to be able to accept myself – not seeing or realizing that I am merely separating myself from me, and so from others, through accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and within that compete with the perception I form of who others are within the mind.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I notice or perceive it as though another person is deliberately attempting and trying to make it seem as though he/she ‘is better’ in some way or another – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear, inadequacy and inferiority as a response to seeing/perceiving it as though another person is starting a competition about ‘who is the best in a specific area’ and in that ‘showing off’ – not seeing or realizing that within such instances/moments/situations I do not have to go into, partake or participate within the competition – and just because I perceive it as though another person is ‘showing off’ or attempting to make him- or herself seem ‘better’ does not automatically mean that I have to feel inferior or less than – that within situations where I perceive it as though another person is starting a competition or am trying to put me down to make themselves seem better, I can actually take the decision to direct myself, to not participate, to not fuel the competition but to instead make sure that I remain here, stable, breathing and within that take self-responsibility for any experience of inadequacy or want/need/desire to partake and respond to the ‘competition’ – where I see, realize and understand that I do not have to show/prove to another that ‘I am better than what they think’ – since that would merely fuel the competition and separation even more. And within this I see, realize and understand that the only reason for competition and comparison is internal insecurities – and, so why would I want to feed another person’s insecurities and so my own through taking a ‘competition’ seriously and partake within it?

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that another person will see or perceive me as inferior or less than them – and within that thinking and believing that I have to prove them wrong if or when I interpret it as though another person is, in some way or another, implying that I am less than them or less than who I actually am – not seeing or realizing that whether another person sees me, or sees a limited version of me does not really matter – it can only influence me if and when I accept and allow myself to take it personally and so believe myself to be the perception I perceive another to form of me.

• And so therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments/situations where I perceive it as though another person is starting a competition about ‘who is the best’ when it comes to a specific area – where I within this become aware of the tendency of wanting to participate/partake within the competition due to fear of being seen as ‘less than who I am’ – and when and as I see that the fear starts to emerge within me, I commit myself to take a moment, breathe, bring myself back to here where I see, realize and understand that I do not have to prove myself better or prove to another that I am not ‘who they think I am’, that I am ‘just as good as they are’ – no, I do not accept or allow myself to take part in the competition but instead I make sure that I remain here, stable, breathing – and within that see, realize and understand that ‘proving another person wrong’ will merely fuel and feed the competition and so the separation – therefor I commit myself to re-instruct myself within such moments, where I direct myself out of the want/need/desire to prove someone wrong or make myself ‘look better’ and instead I realize that I know who I am and so therefor I am in no need to prove to another that I am adequate or ‘just as good as they are’ – and in that I further realize that through going into such mental competition I will merely fuel and empower another person’s insecurities and their internal need to prove themselves as ‘good’ or ‘better than’ – and so I commit myself to instead just stand here, with and as the other person in the sense of seeing and realizing that we have both constructed ourselves in a similar way in the sense of thinking and believing that we are inadequate and that we thus have to prove ourselves worthy – and so through realizing this I take a stance to instead be and stand as an example in the sense of showing that we do not have to compete with each other, that I will not partake.

How We Make The Smallest Things Seem Huge - Day 382

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to assist and support myself within busy periods of time in where I have a lot on my plate – but have instead accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of generating and manifesting a fight with and within myself, where I am essentially attempting and trying to fight myself into ‘making it’ – not seeing or realizing that it is during such periods of time that I am in most need of actually assisting, supporting and caring for myself in the sense of working with me instead of against me, through finding practical solutions to be able to walk through what needs to be done – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create even more pressure, strain and stress within myself during periods of time where I am faced with a lot of things that needs to be done - and in that creating and putting extra strain and pressure of stress on my physical body as well – and so within this I see, realize and understand that through going into reactions and stress when I am faced with busy periods of time I am only making myself experiencing the situation as extra-difficult – where I am the one that decides to experience my practical reality as difficult and stressful – when all the while I can actually within that assist and support myself to direct myself into simply walking through what needs to be done – that generating and manifesting stress will not, and cannot, help me in any kind of way.

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when and as I am faced with stressful situations/moments/periods – I am merely fueling the stress through accepting and allowing myself to react towards the situation/the things that I have to get done – where I realize that I have formed a habit of going into a reaction of stress/anxiety whenever I perceive it to be ‘too much’ – and from that reaction will go into a fight with myself – where I believe that I require to push myself to get it done and within that not seeing or realizing that fighting fuels the stress even more – and that within stress I am actually unable to direct myself effectively.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage through making everything that I have to do into a factor of stress, where I am immediately attaching stress to anything and everything that I see must be done – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make things so much harder than what they have to be through seeing what needs to be done as something that ‘I must do’ – as though it is a matter of life or death – not seeing or realizing how I am making the smallest things seem so huge through accepting and allowing myself to look at the points within the mind, where I am essentially blowing things out of proportion instead of practically looking at and walking through one thing at a time – because within this I see, realize and understand that in physical space and time I can only do so much and I can only do one thing at a time – however, when I am within the mind thinking about everything at once it will seem overwhelming and too much – and so I see and realize that I am self-sabotaging when and as I, within the mind, list all the things that I apparently have to do – because within that I am not at all looking at practical reality or what I can do right here and right now – but will instead merely prevent myself from moving, from directing myself into actually doing – and am thus wasting time thinking about what needs to be done – where I see, realize and understand that what I could do to assist and support myself is to instead just decide, within that moment, what needs to be prioritized and then just do it, just walk it and then from there further assess what needs to be done etc. – to in that be here, move myself here – instead of generating stress and going into complete paralysis.

• Within this I commit myself to re-instruct myself within busy periods of time to, when I see myself reacting to/towards the situation/the things that I have to do, assist and support myself by going through what I can and within that walk it breath by breath, and whenever stress come up, I take a moment, breathe, get out of the mind and get back into the physical, placing my attention and focus on the thing I am busy doing – saying to myself “do what you can” – and so within that really practice that point of walking it through one breath at a time to prevent myself from making it seem overwhelming.

Fearing The Absence Of Stress - Day 381

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of fear and anxiety as an automatic response to when I see myself being relaxed and not stressed – where I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the absence of stress to fear, believing that ‘something is wrong’ as a consequence of how I have adapted and aligned myself with the constant and continuous internal experience of being stressed and anxious.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage within moments where I am not experiencing stress through generating and going into an experience of discomfort due to believing that ‘this is not how I should experience myself’ based on the inherent pattern which I realize that I have, in a way, become addicted to – where I basically see ‘being stressed’ as the ‘normal state of my beingness’ – and within that accepting that to be and become what I am ‘comfortable’ within, how I believe that I should experience myself – and then when I do not experience stress, something is apparently wrong – and so within that not seeing or realizing how I am actually deliberately self-sabotaging in moments where I do not experience stress – where I am, within such situations/moments,  essentially going into the mind where I go over everything that I apparently ‘must do’ – and in that am consequentially placing myself back into the pattern of stress.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the absence of stress – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate and manifest stress within moments where I see that I am not actually stressed through going into the mind in where I am essentially searching for stuff that I can stress about, where I allow myself to go into the belief that ‘I must have forgotten something’ as an automatic response to the absence of stress – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume and expect that I have forgotten or missed something if I do not experience stress – not seeing or realizing that this is how I tend to self-sabotage, where I have allowed myself to get so used to and addicted to the inherent pattern of stress and struggle that I am within that deliberately making life and living more difficult for myself, as though I want to struggle/fight – where I even see myself capable of stopping and directing myself out of the stress – but where I have allowed myself to form a resistance towards experiencing anything else than stress as a consequence of how I have mistakenly connected the absence of stress to ‘something is wrong’.

• I forgive myself that I have, within and throughout my life, accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that when I do not experience stress, then that must mean that I have forgotten something – where I have for such an extended period of time existed within the habit of always stressing about every single thing I have to do – and how I have, within that, merely ‘escaped’ the stress within moments where I actually have forgotten something, which then later on, when remembering the thing I had forgotten, would go into an even more intense experience of stress – and so I see and realize that I have consequentially formed an automatic pattern of going into fear when I do not experience stress, where I am connecting that absence of stress to ‘having forgotten something’ – and so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I have the ability to actually look at and investigate whether I have forgotten something or not without going into or generating stress immediately when I find something that I have missed, that the stress in itself will not and cannot help me or support me in any kind of way within such situations – and so I realize that fearing the absence of stress due to thinking and believing that that would imply that I have forgotten something is really just an habitual pattern that I have created, a pattern which does not support me.

• And therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that fear start to emerge as a consequence of the absence of stress, where I see that thoughts about whether I have forgotten something or not starts to appear – to within such situations see and realize that I am busy generating the pattern of stress – and so therefor I stop my participation and breathe, where I ground myself here and move myself out of the fear and within that slow myself down where I instead practically check my schedule/calendar and thus stick to practical reality, where I see, realize and understand that I do not require stress within that moment but to instead plan and organize my responsibilities.