Standing on My Own Two Feet - Day 413

Facing The Storms Of Life By Yourself - Day 409

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others or another will think or believe that I am in some way dependent on, in need of or reliant on that person – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate reaction of anger and aversion when and as I perceive a pattern within another that indicates that that person thinks or believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some way dependent, in need of or reliant on that person – where I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear to and towards becoming dependent on or in some way count on another; from the perspective of expecting something from another or expecting another to be here for me when I, in some way, would require or be in need of assistance or support – as I within that have linked and connected such dependency to undoubtedly and definitely getting disappointed, deceived and let down – and where I thus turn this fear of getting let down by another into anger, where I see and realize that I have formed an automatic pattern wherein I push people away through anger, exclusion, spitefulness and aversion as an attempt to protect myself from getting disappointed, deceived or let down in the future – where I am projecting myself into the future and accessing memories of my past wherein I experienced such scenarios with the beings that supposed to be responsible for taking care of me – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I may or might, within a relationship with another being, create assumptions in relation to expecting that the other being will be there for me, assist or help me in situations or moments where I have formed the presumption that the other being would respond through standing by my side when I am faced with something that I perceive as difficult or hard to walk through and face on my own  – and so within this fear accepting and allowing myself to push people away through utilizing anger, spitefulness and exclusion immediately when or if I perceive another to in some way show any form of pattern that implies that the other person thinks or believes that I expect something, am in need of or dependent on that being – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and assume that if another person forms the idea and belief of me as being dependent on, in need of or reliant on that person in any kind of way, then such idea and belief would further result in the other being feeling obligated to assist and support me – as though it is a duty rather than the other being actually wanting to stand by my side and/or face and walk through something together with me - and through this I see, realize and understand that I have formed this pattern in where I react in anger, aversion, spitefulness and push people away as a response within situations/moments wherein I interpret it as though the other person’s starting-point and underlying reason for assisting/supporting/standing by my side is based and founded on an experience of obligation – where I see how the interpretation I form within the mind of another person, feeling obligated to stand by my side will activate a program and pattern within me where the intention is to show another that I absolutely do not need no one and that I definitely do not expect another to be there for me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project and superimpose anger onto another if or when I perceive the person to show any form of pattern that I perceive as an indication of that being thinking or believing that I expect assistance or support in any kind of way – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to such interpreted pattern through excluding and ostracizing the other – and I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this anger that comes up within me in situations where I perceive another to think or believe that I expect something from or am dependent on that being, is actually self-anger – because within this I see, realize and understand that these instances/circumstances are triggering self-anger within me – where I become angry with myself as a result of seeing that I have allowed myself to form expectations, a dependency and attachment to another person – that I have allowed myself to ‘become vulnerable’ from the perspective of accepting and allowing myself to get influenced by who and how another person decides to be and so whether or not another person decides to stand by my side when I am faced with and have to walk through something difficult – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become angry at and blame myself when I see myself getting disappointed as a response to another person’s behavior and/or decision of who to be in relation to that which I am faced with and have to walk through – in where I see and realize that when I notice that I get influenced in any kind of way due to another person’s decision of who to be as a response to who I am or what I am faced with, I will immediately go into self-anger – due to thinking and believing that letting myself get influenced by another person’s behavior is an indication of me, accepting and allowing myself to not be independent and strong enough but rather having allowed myself to become  weak and stupid for expecting or wanting a specific response from another person – where these situations become moments where I am in a way telling myself ‘I told you so’ in spitefulness, where I blame myself for not living according to the principle of ‘trust no one’.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and form a general idea about people wherein I think and believe that others are not to be trusted, that others will always betray, lie and leave, that allowing myself to assume or expect something or anything from another will always with no exceptions lead to disappointment, that I am not to count on or expect others to support or help me when I require assistance, that I am not to think that others would want to help me if I would to ask for assistance, that others will always leave or in some way deceive, that allowing myself to in any way get attached to another is the most dangerous thing I can expose myself to – and within this not seeing or realizing how this indicates a total lack of self-trust, as I am within this expecting and assuming that I cannot trust myself to be able to stand stable within situations where I perceive others to betray, live, leave, let down, deceive etc. – thus thinking and believing that I require to prevent myself from ever exposing myself to such conditions – instead of seeing and realizing that what I rather would require as a point of prevention is for me to incorporate and really live self-trust and self-support – where I rather learn and practically live within self-stability in my self-relationship, trusting myself and so my capacity to face situations and have relationships with other beings without having to fear others possible behaviors but rather stand within myself, trusting myself and so realize that all I need is me, is my self-trust, is my commitment to not disappoint myself or let myself down from the perspective of not living self-care and thus supporting myself no matter external circumstances/situations – wherein I see and realize that what I would require is for me to really understand that what I for certainty can trust is myself and my capacity to direct myself within a situation to support myself, to make sure that I stand by my side, wherein I realize that another or others behaviors or what another decides to do are not to be taken personally, as I see and realize that a decision made by another is never in fact caused by me and so not my responsibility.

• When and as I think and believe that I see a pattern within another that indicates that the person thinks or believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some way dependent, in need of or reliant on that person and in where I see myself reacting in fear and anger where I feel the urge to push the other away – I stop and I breathe – in this I commit myself to slow myself down and take a moment to ground myself here – wherein I stop my participation within anger and realize that excluding, projecting anger and spitefulness outwards onto another will not and cannot solve my internal experiences – because within this I see, realize and understand that when anger emerges within me it is merely indicating self-anger, and so therefor I no more accept and allow myself to take such anger out on another but instead I commit myself to support myself through standing as my self-awareness, where I re-instruct myself within the moment and direct myself out of the pattern through first making sure that I slow myself down through breathing and in that ground myself here, within myself, where I take the decision to stand by my side, to support myself and to realize that I do have me – and therefor I commit myself to always make sure that I am here for me, that I stand here with me and in that practice on accepting and embracing the support and assistance that others give, where I realize that others supporting me is their decision – and as I realize that I remain here by my side, with me, supporting myself, I further see that there is no need in fearing and resisting others support or fearing that I may not be able to trust the support – because no matter what, I make sure that I stand by my side.

What Determines Your Worthiness? - Day 393

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want, need and desire other people to react in a specific way as a response to the image I present to the world – where I within this have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the reactions I may/might trigger within other people defines who I am in the context of my value and worth – where I see and realize that I am basically utilizing my perception of how other people respond and react to and towards the image I present of myself to the world to measure who I am and to gauge my value and worth– and so within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to develop a well-grounded understanding of the true nature of personal value in the sense of actually valuing life and real living – in relation to developing and investigating what real living, real expression is and means – but have instead accepted and allowed myself to form an alternate reality as a result of allowing myself to adopt the distorted views that I have been presented with from this external world/reality – without ever questioning or investigating the beliefs, ideas and ideals that I have endorsed in terms of looking at and really live the understanding of how limiting these beliefs are, where I see and realize that the ideals and self-beliefs that I have formed and adopted as a result of the distorted views this external reality promotes are merely just opinions, ideas, beliefs – which means that they are not real, not tangible, not based on what is best for all or even based on any real value what so ever – and yet, I have allowed myself to mold my viewpoint about/of myself according to this.

• In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not feeling secure with myself as a person, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to search and look for inner peace and security connected to feeling good about who I am through seeking approval from my external reality and other people, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from internal stability in terms of actually standing with who I am and so trust myself, accept myself and give myself approval – and I forgive myself that I have within this accepted and allowed myself to create a polarity-construct in the sense of believing myself to require approval and validation from external sources to be able to ‘feel secure’ – and so consequentially manifesting the other side of the polarity, as the fear of external disapproval, criticism and rejection and the perception thereof – and so within that becoming dependent on external factors to feel approved of instead of seeing and realizing that remaining within such dependency on external factors to feel approved of, I will consequentially always remain within this polarity-game, this constant internal conflict and friction of fear and desire – where how I see myself will be in the hands of things that I have no control over.

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations and moments where I see that my starting-point behind something I feel the need to say or do is based on the internal experience of wanting approval from my external reality/other people in relation to the want, need and desire to stimulate/trigger specific reactions within other people and when I see that my starting-point is based on fear of rejection/criticism/disapproval – and so within that re-instruct myself to no more accept and allow myself to let an experience of wanting approval/validation or fearing rejection to be the starting-point behind who I am, how I am or what I say/do – but instead I immediately stop and breathe, where I take a moment and so re-establish my starting-point to no more accept and allow myself to search and look for approval/validation outside of myself – and so in that see and realize that to stop the fear of criticism, rejection and disapproval I require to stop the search and desire to stimulate/trigger specific responses within others to/towards me, since it is based on the same belief – as the belief I have created in relation to placing my own worth and value within the perception I form of what and how other’s sees and feels about me.

How To Become Better Than Everyone Else - Day 392

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing and interpreting it as though other people within my surrounding are more aligned with the ideal I have formed within the mind in relation to who I believe that I have to be as the self-image that I have come to perceive myself to require as a result of what I have learned to see as appreciated/valued by others – in the context of looking at who and how one must be to reactive positive feedback as validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation from other people, and within where I believe myself to require appreciation and being seen as a worthwhile person by others for me to be able to see myself as worthy – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that this would apparently mean that I am less than and inferior to beings which I perceive to be more aligned with the idea I have formed of what the ideal self-image is – not seeing or realizing that I am the only one making myself feel less than and inferior – that this experience is a result of the consent and value I allow myself to give to the belief I have formed in regards to what the ideal self-image is and further giving value to the idea that beings are either superior or inferior dependent on how aligned/affiliated the self-image that they present to the world is to the ideal I have formed and given value to within my mind as well as the value I give to the perception I form of how other people see me and respond to how/who I am.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a reaction of fear when and as I perceive another person to get recognition/validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation from others – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the fear which would emerge to trigger an automatic pattern that I have formed, in where I automatically will attempt and try to deteriorate, diminish and discredit other people within the mind whenever I perceive a being to be better than me, more aligned with the ideal self-image that I have formed within the mind or if I perceive another person to get more validation/confirmation/attention/appreciation than me – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to either make the person appear less than/not worthy of the recognition through secretly diminishing the being within my mind where I’m essentially searching and looking for aspects with the being that I can utilize as a means to make myself feel and see myself as less inferior, or allow myself to go into an experience of myself as being less than where I just submit to and fully trust the belief and idea of myself as being less worthwhile as a person.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a competition-construct within the mind when and as I perceive another person to receive recognition from others for how or who the person is or for something that the person has achieved, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed instances where I perceive or interpret it as though another person is getting recognition to be and become a trigger-point that activates an automatic response within me, consisting of the experience of being challenged, where I believe that the self-image that I present to the world is being challenged – and in this have thus consequentially allowed myself to separate myself from, compare and compete with the being that I perceive to get attention/confirmation/validation/recognition – thinking and believing that my value and worth are at stake – and so believing that I require to assure my own worthiness as a person through changing who and how I am to be more aligned with what I see others to get recognition for.

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations where I see that another person/other beings are getting recognition from the surrounding; through within that being aware of the tendency I have of going into fear – where I realize that the fear is the automatic response that triggers the pattern of going into either an internal competition through comparing and judging myself and my own worth in comparison to the other being/beings or the pattern of going into the mind where I’ll attempt/try to deteriorate, diminish and discredit other people due to believing that my self-image is at stake – and so within this I commit myself to prevent myself from going in to this construct through being aware of, and flag-point, these situations/occasions – and so within that no more accept and allow myself to take it further when and as I see that fear starts to emerge, but to instead immediately stop and breathe when and as I see myself reacting to/towards the perception I form of other people’s achievements and the recognition they’ll get – and so within me I assert myself to not participate, to not go into the pattern of comparing/competing/judging – but instead stand within who I am, and so reinstruct myself within the moment and realize that I know where this takes me, that this that is coming up within my mind is not so cool, really not assisting and supporting me and it’s really actually fucking me up within myself and my physical and my life – and therefor I take my place within myself, within my mind, relationship to I am and relationship to my physical body and so stand in that position of really taking responsibility for who I am, for what I want, for how I want to be, for how I want to experience myself and my physical and my life within this world and reality.

How to Look and Feel Your Best - Day 391

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of not being confident when being with or around other people – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the only way for me to reassure that I prevent and evade the experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident is through becoming as aligned and affiliated with the ideal that I have formed within the mind as I possibly can, so that I can present this ideal self-image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident comes from within, as a result of my internal participation within self-judgments stemming from the basic idea I have formed of myself – and that solving these internal experiences of being uncomfortable and unconfident in certain situations will not and cannot be done through allowing and giving my consent/approval to self-judgments, and the experiences it result in, to decide who I am or my self-worth – because within that I am merely feeding and generating the program that I have formed within me – where I see and realize that changing ‘who I am’ externally as an attempt to become more aligned with the ideal self-image that I have formed within the mind, will and can merely suppress the symptoms as the internal experiences of inadequacy for so long, since I am not actually in any way changing, like really changing who I am within in the sense of establishing actual self-confidence – but am only creating a shielding layer as a measure of protection which I can hide behind to feel better about myself for just a while – until I find yet another thing about me that is not aligned with the ideal self-image. And so I see, realize and understand that to really establish actual self-confidence I require to stop this program, to stop this from the within to the without – where the only solution lays within me, within me as my self-awareness.

• And so I commit myself to see, realize and understand that I have the capacity, the ability and the responsibility to decide what I am going to accept and allow within me and so without – where I realize that emerging as that self-awareness is a decision that has to be made in practical reality, and so I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations where I see that judgments emerges within me and so I immediately stop my participation, I breathe and I bring myself back to here – where I stand as that awareness, leading my own life and thus standing as that decision to no more accept and allow myself to attempt and try to suppress the symptoms of the basic idea I have formed of myself in the context of being inadequate through attempting and trying to mold and align myself to become more like the ideal self-image that I believe to exist – but instead I face the basic idea that I have formed of myself and so stop accepting and allowing self-beliefs to tell me who I am – and so start directing myself within the situations where I see that the experiences of being uncomfortable or unconfident emerges – where I, within my awareness, realize that this is merely an experience, it does not mean that I have to go into, give value to or trust it – and so therefor I commit myself to practice this point of practically asserting myself within these situations where I direct myself not to take the judgments or experience of being unconfident personally – but instead within me decide to give myself the opportunity to find out what would happen and how it would be when I do not go into it or trust it to be me but instead just state ‘No, till here no further’.