How we are Enslaving Ourselves to the Past - Day 406

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to anyone that in any way show any form of pattern which I perceive to be similar to the patterns and behaviors that I have linked and connected to the first foster-mother – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just automatically and instantaneously activate and go into a protection mechanism within the mind when encountering or facing a being that in some way show any form of pattern/behavior/mannerism which I perceive to be based on superiority, authority and/or dominance as that which are part of and activates the protection mechanism that I have formed within the mind, and in this I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change myself as who I am, how I experience myself and how I decide to behave within a moment when perceiving another person to show a pattern of superiority/authority/dominance, where I automatically and instinctively go into a state of inferiority due to thinking and believing that I require to avoid and prevent any possibility of triggering an experience of ‘being challenged’ within the other person in the sense of the being interpreting it as though I am not obeying, conforming, submitting and subduing – as I think and believe that if I in any way trigger, activate or generate such interpretation/perception within the other then that would result in the other being feeling the need to take it to an extreme to state and show that I am not to think that I have the right to stand up for myself in the sense of indicating that I am self-confident, assertive or believe myself to be anything else than inadequate to the other being – and so within this not seeing or realizing how I am actually in fact self-sabotaging through accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of inferiority as I am the one living according to MY own self-created beliefs in the sense of how I have formed an idea in regards to how I think that others will react and experience themselves as that which gets triggered and activated through who I am within a moment – not seeing or realizing that I cannot in fact ever know how each and every individual will react to who or how I am, but that I am basing this idea and belief on memories and past events of how ONE single individual would react – and where I was the one that formed the link and connection between that one single individuals reaction and who I perceived myself to be and behave, wherein I see and realize that I interpreted it as though the only thing that would reduce and prevent the reactions within the being was if and when I took on an inferiority-character – and through all of this I see, realize and understand that I am self-sabotaging through accepting and allowing myself to form and shape my life and who I am, and decide to be within specific situations/moments, according to that one experience that I had with one individual in relation to what I perceived to trigger and activate reactions within the person’s mind – where I am merely reacting to my own memories and assumptions instead of being here in every moment and so decide to simply be me, stand stable and observe every situation without veiling it with expectations, assumptions and anticipations.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unquestionably trust the protection mechanism that I have formed within the mind in regards to who I believe that I have to be and become when seeing a pattern within another that in any way show and indicate dominance/authority/superiority – where I have just blindly, habitually and continuously accepted and allowed myself to follow and comply with the belief and idea of it being imperative and necessary that I change myself to protect myself – but within that not seeing and realizing that I am making assumptions in the sense of supposing that my life, my safety and I am at risk if I remain stable, assertive and confident, if I remain here, being me, while facing a person that I perceive to show and indicate superiority/authority/dominance, and within that not ever giving myself the opportunity to find out what would actually in real, practical, physical reality happen if I allowed myself to simply stand with the being, observing and assessing that which exists directly as the physical, where I direct myself to remain stable and face whatever may/might emerge – as I see and realize that the beliefs and ideas that I have formed are based on memories of past events and that I am thus making my assessment of how and who to be within a moment based on situations occurring in the past – which reveals to me that I cannot trust the beliefs, ideas and assessments that I make of how or who I require to be within a situation as my starting-point and outset is not based on or representing the here and now or who/how another being is – because instead I am merely reacting to points that I have taught myself to see as ‘alarming’ but am within that not at all seeing the real reality as I am instead getting caught up in and preoccupied with what I imagine to be here – and I see and realize that anything that does not exist directly here as the physical is the mind and is thus not to be trusted or conformed to.

• When and as I am faced with or am encountering an individual that I perceive to, in any way, show a pattern that is based on superiority/authority/dominance and where I see that the ‘protection-mechanism’ that I have formed within the mind gets activated in the sense of seeing myself wanting and feeling the need to go into a pattern of subduing and suppressing myself to show that ‘I am not challenging you’ – I immediately stop and take a deep breath – where I commit myself to take self-responsibility through no more accepting and allowing myself to just blindly and instinctively go into a state of inferiority but instead break this habit through directing myself immediately within a moment where I see that I am faced with a being that I am reacting to/towards due to perceiving the being to show any form of pattern that in any way reminds me of a pattern within the foster-mother – to within such situation take my power back to me, where I take a stance within myself to not go into and not follow the belief of it being necessary for me to change myself as who I am to not risk my own safety – but instead I bring myself back to here, where I make sure that I only participate in that which exists directly as the physical – to within that take the decision to remain stable within myself through utilizing breath, where I ground myself, and within that focus on being me, on showing myself that I do have the capacity to direct myself and to decide for myself who I am going to be within any given moment – and therefor I commit myself take this responsibility, to live this responsibility for myself to make sure that I practically practice on standing stable within myself no matter external circumstances and other people – and so walk this until it is a constant, living principle of me, of who I am.