- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to use excuses such as ‘I must do this and that’ as
justifications for never giving myself me-time or a moment for myself, where I
forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a
break where I decide to just let go of everything I believe that I ‘have to/must
do’ and in that give myself a moment to care for myself, to look at the point
of; what do I need within my relationship to myself for me to be able to find
stability and balance in relation to my external participation – where I see,
realize and understand that I require to give myself a moment/moments as breaks
during the day – but that I instead have allowed myself to think and believe
that I do not have enough time for that, that there are more ‘important’ things
that needs to be prioritized – not seeing or realizing that I am existing
within and perpetuating an inherent pattern where I am basically manifesting a
‘burnout’ – which happens because of too much stress and in where I see and
realize that I am creating consequences due to not giving myself a moment/moments
as breaks during the day. And so within this I furthermore forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and disregard myself through
instead prioritizing the things that I believe that I must do, not seeing or
realizing how I am within this completely missing life and living, where I have
instead allowed myself to formed my life according to and focused all my
attention on my external participation – and consequentially forgetting about
me and what is actually important and matters in terms of who I am within my
life, who I am within my self-relationship.
- And so I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that all that matters is what
I manage to do externally, in the sense of constantly and continuously
prioritizing what I do within my external reality and so neglecting,
disregarding and ignoring who I am within that – where I am focusing so much on
doing good ‘out there’ that I never give myself the opportunity to look at and
take responsibility for creating a life that I would really want for myself –
and in where I instead have allowed myself to become so preoccupied with doing
the things that I believe that I must do that I failed to realize that there
will always be things that I ‘must do’ within my external reality/world – and
that for me to be able to actually create a life that I would really want for
myself I require to find balance in the sense of giving myself that which I
require at the same time as I walk my external participation.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a moment/moments as breaks during
the day due to thinking and believing that if I stop what I do for just a
moment, I might not get everything that I believe that I must do done. And
within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think
‘well, I take a moment later, when I am done’ – in where I consequentially
don’t take any breaks at all, as I am postponing it until ‘later’ – which I see,
realize and understand is a deliberate manipulation, because within this I
understand that if I tell myself that I will take a break later, then that
later will get postponed further and further. In this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I can’t relax or
take a moment/break before I am done with all of my responsibilities’ – in where
I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this belief in the sense of really
believing that it is impossible for me to give myself a moment/moments as breaks
during the day without creating additional stress – not seeing or realizing how
this is just a belief, that I am actually capable of taking the decision to
give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day and within that move and
direct myself out of any experience as reactions that may/might emerge as a
response to that – because within this I see, realize and understand that I
require to push through that resistance towards giving myself a moment/breaks
throughout my day – and within that change my daily participation through
incorporating some me-time, some time for me to rest and let go – otherwise it
can become consequential. And within this I see, realize and understand that,
for example, getting straight A’s in school is not something that will be of
any use if that means that I compromise my self-stability and my relationship
to me.
- And so I see, realize and understand
that for me to be able to live within self-stability and for me to be able to
actually enjoy life and living – I require to make some radical changes in
terms of how I approach things. Because within this I see, realize and
understand that I am currently existing within a pattern that does not support
me as life, a pattern that actually prevents me from really living – as I am
merely participating within and am directed by what I perceive that I must do
within my external reality, where the determining factor for my participation
consist of thoughts in relation to what I believe that I must do, where I miss
and disregard what I require in my self-relationship to be able to walk through
my external responsibilities as well – and within this I realize that I require
to change my approach, change my starting-point towards what I do – to instead
make sure that I am the one that decides what I do, instead of letting a
thought of ‘this is what I MUST do now’ be what determines what I do and do not
do – because within this I see, realize and understand that I cannot continue
existing within this habitual pattern of only considering and prioritizing my
external participation in for example school, but that I have to slow myself
down and take myself, my self-support and my self-stability into consideration
as well - to within that give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day.
-
In this I commit myself to assist and support
myself within my relationship with me to further investigate the pattern that I
am existing within in terms of how I have formed my life to become only about
what I believe that I must do and in where I have allowed myself to
consequentially neglect, disregard and ignore myself and my self-stability
within what I am doing – and so within that walk through and incorporate the
changes that are required for me to be able to find stability and balance
within what I am doing – where I see and realize that one major point here
which I see myself requiring is to actually give myself a moment/moments as
breaks and me-time during the day – and so I commit myself to, through my
writings, my self-forgiveness and my corrective applications, assist and
support myself to release myself from the underlying reasons behind why I have
formed resistance/fear to and towards giving myself “me-time” – and within that
practically incorporate moments as breaks during the day to prevent myself from
manifesting additional strain on my physical and consequences in my
relationship to myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to create a pattern in where I am making things harder and
more difficult than what they actually are through self-sabotaging, in the
sense of looking at my external reality and so my external
participations/responsibilities and daily living and within me deciding to see
it as hard and as difficult – where I am habitually generating and perpetuating
an internal struggle and so experiences of stress and anxiety – where I have in
a way become so used to experiencing everything as hard and as difficult that I
am deliberately continuing to make things difficult for myself, where I in a
way want to struggle/fight as an addiction to inherent patterns – and within
this I see, realize and understand that I am actually making most things within
my life so much harder and much more difficult than what they have to be –
where I continually ensure a life of struggle through holding on to a belief in
relation to how I think that my life will turn out, a belief in relation to how
I think that my life has to be – not seeing or realizing that I am the only one
that is responsible for the struggle I am currently experiencing, that just
because my life has been a struggle in the past does not mean that I have to
persevere in such direction – that I now actually do have the ability to take
power over my own life and living and in that decide what type of starting-point
and approach I want to have towards my participation – where I now see, realize
and understand that the current approach I have towards every aspect of my life
are permeated with an internal experience of struggle – where I actually have
allowed myself to become addicted to struggling, to making things hard, to
self-sabotaging through constantly anticipate failure, misery and difficulties.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to just accept my life to be hard and difficult –
where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly
expect, assume and anticipate that I will always be faced with difficulties,
that that is just how my life is and has always been – where things that can ‘go
wrong’ will go wrong – not seeing or realizing how I am within this
self-sabotaging through accepting and allowing myself to constantly assume that
anything bad that can happen, will happen to me – because within this I see,
realize and understand that when I assume that things will be difficult and
hard, I am consequentially creating such a life for myself – and within this I
see, realize and understand that it is time for me to take my life in my own
hands and in that re-instruct, re-create and re-establish my approach towards
my external participation – and so I commit myself to further investigate this
point, as the addiction to inherent patterns, and within that stop the pattern
of deliberately creating struggles within my life – but to instead see what I
can do, who I can be and how I can experience myself within my life and living
if I stop the tendency of self-sabotaging through making everything so
difficult.
