- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to create and form an ideal within the mind, consisting of the
self-image that I desire and want myself to be and become – as the idea I have
of who or what I have to be, as who I think and believe that I require to become
for me to be able to be satisfied with myself, for me to be able to stop
judging myself as inadequate and for me to be able to be confident and stop
comparing and stop competing with others – not seeing or realizing that what
fuels and empowers this internal experience of having to become something or
someone else then who I am and believe myself to be, as what I have allowed
myself to define myself as and by, to be able to become comfortable, confident
and satisfied with and within myself is my own participation, where I realize
that I accept and allow myself to actually take the decision to deliberately go
into, give value to and trust the idea that comes up within the mind as an
imagination of it being ‘who I am’ that is the problem, that is lacking, not
seeing and realizing that it is not the ‘who I am’ that is what needs to be
changed or aligned with the internal ideal I have formed, but it is rather the
definitions, perceptions and ideas I have in relation to who I am and how I see
myself that I require to change and recreate and that what needs to be stopped
is the value I allow myself to give to the ideal I have formed within the mind –
where I see and realize that the ideal I have formed within the mind is based
on external knowledge and information which I have given value to and trusted
to be what and who I need to be and become – where I have essentially
brainwashed myself into trusting and incorporating external messages and
propaganda in regards to ‘who and how one should be’ – instead of giving myself
the opportunity to trust myself to look within me, and so trust the actual understanding
I have in relation to how external messages about what is ideal and what is
not, are not in any way based on what is really in fact valuable within a human
being – as each being’s individual expression – wherein what is being taught
and encouraged within the system are rather the opposite – and I mean; how fun
would it be if every being became just copy of each other, just a bunch of clones?
Is that the type of world I would want to live within? No – so I see, realize
and understand that I would rather see individuals that actually dare living self-expression,
that dare standing up for who they are
as their real beingness, and so within this I see and realize that I have the
responsibility to be what I want to see within this world in terms of no more
accepting and allowing myself to attempt and try to be and become the ideal I
have formed within the mind as the apparent perfect self-image just so that I
can experience it as though I fit into the frame of what is being seen as an
acceptable image that I can present to the world – but to instead investigate,
find out and explore who I REALLY am, what it REALLY means to live
self-expression and within that practically establish self-acceptance where I live
the courage that I wish to see within this world, within other people – and so
realize that that would actually be so much more awesome than what it would be
to become just a clone, just another copy of the images and ideals that is
being imposed from this external world and reality – I mean, how can I trust this
society, when actually looking at how this system functions, to tell me who I
should be – when looking outside of myself and seeing the result of what we
have collectively accepted and promoted and followed and complied with?
