You Can Rest When You've Died Due To Stress - Day 380

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses such as ‘I must do this and that’ as justifications for never giving myself me-time or a moment for myself, where I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to give myself a break where I decide to just let go of everything I believe that I ‘have to/must do’ and in that give myself a moment to care for myself, to look at the point of; what do I need within my relationship to myself for me to be able to find stability and balance in relation to my external participation – where I see, realize and understand that I require to give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day – but that I instead have allowed myself to think and believe that I do not have enough time for that, that there are more ‘important’ things that needs to be prioritized – not seeing or realizing that I am existing within and perpetuating an inherent pattern where I am basically manifesting a ‘burnout’ – which happens because of too much stress and in where I see and realize that I am creating consequences due to not giving myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day. And so within this I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect and disregard myself through instead prioritizing the things that I believe that I must do, not seeing or realizing how I am within this completely missing life and living, where I have instead allowed myself to formed my life according to and focused all my attention on my external participation – and consequentially forgetting about me and what is actually important and matters in terms of who I am within my life, who I am within my self-relationship.

• And so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that all that matters is what I manage to do externally, in the sense of constantly and continuously prioritizing what I do within my external reality and so neglecting, disregarding and ignoring who I am within that – where I am focusing so much on doing good ‘out there’ that I never give myself the opportunity to look at and take responsibility for creating a life that I would really want for myself – and in where I instead have allowed myself to become so preoccupied with doing the things that I believe that I must do that I failed to realize that there will always be things that I ‘must do’ within my external reality/world – and that for me to be able to actually create a life that I would really want for myself I require to find balance in the sense of giving myself that which I require at the same time as I walk my external participation.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a moment/moments as breaks during the day due to thinking and believing that if I stop what I do for just a moment, I might not get everything that I believe that I must do done. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘well, I take a moment later, when I am done’ – in where I consequentially don’t take any breaks at all, as I am postponing it until ‘later’ – which I see, realize and understand is a deliberate manipulation, because within this I understand that if I tell myself that I will take a break later, then that later will get postponed further and further. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that ‘I can’t relax or take a moment/break before I am done with all of my responsibilities’ – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to trust this belief in the sense of really believing that it is impossible for me to give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day without creating additional stress – not seeing or realizing how this is just a belief, that I am actually capable of taking the decision to give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day and within that move and direct myself out of any experience as reactions that may/might emerge as a response to that – because within this I see, realize and understand that I require to push through that resistance towards giving myself a moment/breaks throughout my day – and within that change my daily participation through incorporating some me-time, some time for me to rest and let go – otherwise it can become consequential. And within this I see, realize and understand that, for example, getting straight A’s in school is not something that will be of any use if that means that I compromise my self-stability and my relationship to me.

• And so I see, realize and understand that for me to be able to live within self-stability and for me to be able to actually enjoy life and living – I require to make some radical changes in terms of how I approach things. Because within this I see, realize and understand that I am currently existing within a pattern that does not support me as life, a pattern that actually prevents me from really living – as I am merely participating within and am directed by what I perceive that I must do within my external reality, where the determining factor for my participation consist of thoughts in relation to what I believe that I must do, where I miss and disregard what I require in my self-relationship to be able to walk through my external responsibilities as well – and within this I realize that I require to change my approach, change my starting-point towards what I do – to instead make sure that I am the one that decides what I do, instead of letting a thought of ‘this is what I MUST do now’ be what determines what I do and do not do – because within this I see, realize and understand that I cannot continue existing within this habitual pattern of only considering and prioritizing my external participation in for example school, but that I have to slow myself down and take myself, my self-support and my self-stability into consideration as well - to within that give myself a moment/moments as breaks during the day.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself within my relationship with me to further investigate the pattern that I am existing within in terms of how I have formed my life to become only about what I believe that I must do and in where I have allowed myself to consequentially neglect, disregard and ignore myself and my self-stability within what I am doing – and so within that walk through and incorporate the changes that are required for me to be able to find stability and balance within what I am doing – where I see and realize that one major point here which I see myself requiring is to actually give myself a moment/moments as breaks and me-time during the day – and so I commit myself to, through my writings, my self-forgiveness and my corrective applications, assist and support myself to release myself from the underlying reasons behind why I have formed resistance/fear to and towards giving myself “me-time” – and within that practically incorporate moments as breaks during the day to prevent myself from manifesting additional strain on my physical and consequences in my relationship to myself.