Failing Before Even Trying - Day 396

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to self-sabotage through creating an idea around final exams, wherein I expect, anticipate and assume that just because it is a final exam it will mean that it is way harder and more difficult than normal exams - where I have consequentially allowed that idea to influence and effect my starting-point and so my experience within myself before walking through a final exam – in where I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this idea that I have formed of final exams to control my internal experience and approach, where I, even before actually doing the final exams, will within me decide that it is going to be hard and almost impossible – not seeing or realizing how such idea will actually make it impossible for me to really see the reality and so walk the final exam within self-awareness and self-stability, since I have already taken a decision to see it as difficult and am thus preventing myself from simply walking through and seeing the exam for what it is.

• And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it harder and more complicated than what it has to be through forming an emotional attachment to final exams – in where I now see and realize that I am preventing myself from seeing reality in terms of walking through the exam moment by moment and thus read the questions, understand the questions and so answer them – due to instead having formed a reaction of fearing that I won’t be able to understand or answer a question even before I have given myself the opportunity to actually read the questions.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation when walking through a final exam – to within that be aware of the tendency of self-sabotage wherein I go into the idea of it being more difficult and hard just because it is labeled as a ‘final exam’ and so, when I see that fear starts to emerge within me due to forming a perception of the final exam even before doing it I assist and support myself to stop my participation and breathe – where I no more accept and allow myself to go into, generate or feed this idea and starting-point but instead I move and direct myself out of such fear where I realize that I will merely prevent myself from focusing on real reality through creating layers of ideas and fears before walking through an exam.

• And so I furthermore commit myself to practice this point of preventing myself from generating this idea of it being more difficult and hard just because it is called a ‘final exam’ – where I instead re-instruct myself to approach the exam without making it seem sooo big and overwhelming – through within me being aware of the tendency of generating fear and anticipations and so in that instead take a stance within me to instruct myself to face the exam with ‘real eyes’ so to speak; meaning, really giving myself the opportunity to face reality through reminding myself of the fact that I cannot know how an exam will be until I walk it, and thus I commit myself to face the exams through making sure that I really read the questions slowly, in the sense of giving myself the opportunity to really understand what they are asking and so when having made sure that I understand the question I answer – to within that prevent myself from going into the tendency of rushing, as I realize that rushing has only resulted in misunderstandings/misinterpretations and so consequentially ineffectiveness as I’ll have to read the questions over and over again until understanding it – and so therefor I slow myself down, I remain here within breath and so make sure that I understand, which I can only do if I give myself the chance to focus on physical reality and so stop the point of rushing practically.