- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear the outcome and possible consequences of people not
forming a positive opinion, perception and idea of me – in where I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my safety,
my life and I would be in danger and threatened if and when another person/people
would form opinions, ideas or perceptions of me that are based on negativity and
disapproval and that I thus have to protect myself, my life and my own safety
through making sure that who I am when being with or around others/another is
aligned with what that specific person/people prefer and approves of and so aligned
with what will activate and generate positive reactions and responses within
the beings/being that I am encountering – not seeing or realizing that I can in
no way control other people’s reactions or responses – because I see and
realize that people will react differently to different types of behaviors
within people – which then shows me that how a person reacts or respond to a
certain behavior or another being is merely a result of how that person has
created their mind, where the opinions and possible experiences are merely
products of memories – which I see within myself and so realize within myself,
that what I react to and how I react, what activates, triggers and generates
experiences and reactions and responses within me through external
circumstances and other people, are merely products and results of my past, my
memories in regards to what I have connected to certain conditions, behaviors,
words, pictures etc. wherein the things I’ll see and hear through others, through
their words and behaviors, are something that I have, within the mind, formed and
linked specific experiences, perceptions, ideas and opinions to and towards –
but it has nothing to do with the person/people I meet here and now, since the
opinions and experiences already exists within me – and they merely get
triggered and activated by certain conditions and situations as a result of the
memories that I have formed and linked to certain behaviors, words etc. – and so,
I see realize and understand that fearing other people’s minds, that fearing
the possibility of standing as a point or dimension that will trigger, activate
and generate negatively charged opinions, experiences and perceptions within
another/other people is really conditioning and compromising and limiting my
life and my relationship to me – where I see and realize that what I want for
myself within my life and within my relationship to me and my relationship with
others is for me to focus on BEING ME, on living the courage to stand for,
stand by and stand WITH who I am in the sense of assisting and supporting
myself to be stable within myself, and so trust myself within who I AM in every
moment – that living my life in fear of how others entire mind works is very,
very silly, as I see and realize that I cannot control others reactions since
reactions and opinions and responses are merely outflows and outcomes of the
person’s past and memories and their history, childhood and so what they have
been presented with within their lives – and I realize that who I am will be
seen through a veil and layer that are based on the beings past as their inhabited
preferences and the specific connections they have formed and linked between
behaviors/words and internal responses/experiences.
- And so therefor I commit myself to
assist and support myself in practical reality when I am encountering or
participating with other beings through being aware of the tendency I have of
going into fear of not pleasing and getting approval from others due to the
belief and idea that my safety, my life and I am at risk if the self-image that
I present in some way activates, triggers or generates negatively charged opinions,
perceptions and experiences within another or other people – and so within that
I commit myself to practically support myself when and as I see myself going
into fear of other people’s possible reactions/experiences/opinions and so the
urge to mold, adjust and change myself to protect myself and ensure that I do
not contribute to activating negatively charged experiences within another –
where I within this stop and breathe, where I see and realize that I cannot
control other people’s reactions or the process behind what triggers reactions,
opinions and experiences within another’s mind – and within that I also realize
that it’s the mind’s reaction, not even the real person – therefor I commit
myself to direct myself out of the fear, bring myself back to here where I
stand up within myself and decide to focus on BEING ME, and so, within moments
where I see that I am accessing fear of triggering reactions that are based on
negativity within other people’s minds I re-instruct myself to stop my
participation in fear and instead focus on being me, where I no more accept and
allow myself to live my life in fear of how others entire mind works but to
instead establish and live the courage to be me and so trust myself and my
capacity to stand up for myself, as I realize that I now have the capacity to
protect and stand up for myself, thus I do not require or need to fear other’s
negatively charged internal experiences.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear not being aligned with how other people would prefer
and want me to be in the context of who I am, how I behave and how I look –
wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and
try to mold, shape and adjust myself as the totality of who I am depending on
who I am encountering, where I just instantaneously and automatically go into
this pattern of adjusting, changing, molding and shaping myself with the
starting-point of wanting, needing and desiring to attain the perception and
interpretation of being someone that satisfies and pleases the
person’s/people’s personal preferences in regards to what they appreciate, like
and what activates and generates positive reactions and feelings within the
individuals that I am facing.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by others/another person – wherein
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being faced
with situations or moments where I perceive that who I am activates and
generates negatively charged thoughts and experiences within another being –
and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and
believe that if I am rejected by another person/others or am activating
negatively charged experiences or thoughts within another then that would mean,
and be an evidence of the fact that I am not good enough and that who I am is
not a worthwhile person – where I will thus allow myself to attempt and try to
mold and shape myself so that I can avoid and prevent others from forming
perceptions and opinions of me that are based on negativity due to thinking and
believing that if I fail to make a ‘positive impression’ but instead activates
and generates negative responses/reactions within others then I will
consequentially HAVE TO feel inadequate, humiliated, less than, worthless,
useless, self-hate and so on.
- I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am taking the
decision to utilize my perception of being rejected by others to confirm the
judgments and opinions that I already have of myself in regards to being
inadequate, less than, worthless, useless etc. – wherein such opinions and
definitions does already exist within me through my acceptances and allowances
in my relationship to myself – and that that is the only reason for why I would
fear being rejected by others – because within this I see, realize and
understand that if I would not have any negatively charged experiences and thoughts
about myself within myself, that if I would not allow any form of self-judgment,
then I would not be able to make such connection within the mind in relation to
gauging my self-worth and self-value according to the perception I form of what
reactions/thoughts/experiences I generate and activate within others – and I
see and realize that what I see in others are merely reflections of myself, of
my own experiences of me - of my own
self-relationship, wherein I see and realize that I am, every single day,
rejecting myself, activating and generating negatively charged thoughts and
experiences about myself – wherein I am the one that do not respect and
accept myself and have consequentially thus placed such responsibility on others
and so also given away the decision of who I am through accepting and allowing
myself to define and decide who I am based on what I think and believe others
to think and feel about me, what I think, believe and perceive myself to
activate and generate within others – and I forgive myself that I have, for so
long, for too long, accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create and
become a self, as I am, that would be seen as acceptable and adequate for
others where I never allowed myself to let go of the idea and belief that I can
only accept myself and respect myself and love myself when I am confirmed as
good enough by others, when I can confirm that I have removed the possibility
of activating negatively charged thoughts and experiences within others – not seeing
or realizing that this possibility will inevitably exist as a possible outcome
within my mind for as long as I allow myself to define and gauge my self-worth
according to how I think and believe others to see and feel about me, because I
cannot remove the possibility of activating negatively charged thoughts and
experiences within myself as a response to the perception I form of my external
world’s response to me through changing who I am externally – that for as long
as I allow myself to judge and form negative opinions of me I will
consequentially see such judgments and opinions within others as reflections of
what I internally accept and allow.
- And so I see and realize that to
stop fearing rejection within my world I require to stop rejecting myself
through thoughts, words and deeds – I require to bring this point back to me
and instead of trying to change and mold myself as an attempt to align myself
with others personal preferences as what and who they prefer others to be, I
have to focus on the real problem here – which is what I accept and allow
within me, what I accept and allow myself to define and judge and hate myself
for and why it is that I just do not want to stop hating and judging and
bullying myself, what is the secret agenda here? What is it that I want to
achieve? Because I realize that I can, in every moment, take that decision to
stop, to stop projecting my self-judgments onto others, to stop finding excuses
for why I am inadequate, to stop manipulating myself into thinking and believing
that it is legitimate and justifiable for me to hate and judge and blame myself
if I have managed to interpret it as though the initial rejection or
disapproval came from another or others. And so why wouldn’t I stop this? Why would
I want to continue?
- And so therefor I commit myself to
really investigate, open up and look at this construct in regards to the value
I place into the perception I form of what others think and feel about me, in
regards to the desire, want and need to activate and generate certain thoughts
and experiences within others and in regards to the fear of triggering
negatively charged emotions and thoughts within others – where I see and
realize that what I think that I am generating, activating and triggering
within another/others are merely just a reflection of what I think and feel
about myself, what I allow myself to generate and activate within me – and so I
commit myself to stop projecting, to stop separating myself from me through
fearing others rejection and experiences of me to instead see and realize that
what I do fear is how I experience myself as a response to the perception I
form of what others think and experience – and the opinions I believe others to
form of me are just revealing and showing me the opinion I allow to exist within
me of myself – and therefor, through my writings, self-forgiveness and
self-correction, I commit myself to walk through this, to face this me that I
have created myself as and in that bring all the pieces back to me in the sense
of taking self-responsibility for what I accept and allow within my relationship
with me and so no more accept and allow myself to mold and shape myself to
attempt and try to avoid and prevent rejection but to instead make sure that I
stop rejecting myself, that I stop judging and blaming and hating myself and within
that see and realize that the reason for why I would fear external rejection is
due to self-rejection in thoughts, words and deeds.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to self-sabotage through creating an idea around final
exams, wherein I expect, anticipate and assume that just because it is a final
exam it will mean that it is way harder and more difficult than normal exams -
where I have consequentially allowed that idea to influence and effect my starting-point
and so my experience within myself before walking through a final exam – in
where I see and realize that I have accepted and allowed myself to let this
idea that I have formed of final exams to control my internal experience and
approach, where I, even before actually doing the final exams, will within me
decide that it is going to be hard and almost impossible – not seeing or
realizing how such idea will actually make it impossible for me to really see
the reality and so walk the final exam within self-awareness and
self-stability, since I have already taken a decision to see it as difficult
and am thus preventing myself from simply walking through and seeing the exam
for what it is.
- And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to make it harder and more complicated than what it has to be
through forming an emotional attachment to final exams – in where I now see and
realize that I am preventing myself from seeing reality in terms of walking
through the exam moment by moment and thus read the questions, understand the
questions and so answer them – due to instead having formed a reaction of
fearing that I won’t be able to understand or answer a question even before I
have given myself the opportunity to actually read the questions.
- In this I commit myself to assist
and support myself in the continuation when walking through a final exam – to within
that be aware of the tendency of self-sabotage wherein I go into the idea of it
being more difficult and hard just because it is labeled as a ‘final exam’ and
so, when I see that fear starts to emerge within me due to forming a perception
of the final exam even before doing it I assist and support myself to stop my
participation and breathe – where I no more accept and allow myself to go into,
generate or feed this idea and starting-point but instead I move and direct
myself out of such fear where I realize that I will merely prevent myself from
focusing on real reality through creating layers of ideas and fears before
walking through an exam.
- And so I furthermore commit myself to practice this point of
preventing myself from generating this idea of it being more difficult and hard
just because it is called a ‘final exam’ – where I instead re-instruct myself
to approach the exam without making it seem sooo big and overwhelming – through
within me being aware of the tendency of generating fear and anticipations and
so in that instead take a stance within me to instruct myself to face the exam
with ‘real eyes’ so to speak; meaning, really giving myself the opportunity to
face reality through reminding myself of the fact that I cannot know how an
exam will be until I walk it, and thus I commit myself to face the exams through
making sure that I really read the questions slowly, in the sense of giving
myself the opportunity to really understand what they are asking and so when
having made sure that I understand the question I answer – to within that
prevent myself from going into the tendency of rushing, as I realize that
rushing has only resulted in misunderstandings/misinterpretations and so
consequentially ineffectiveness as I’ll have to read the questions over and
over again until understanding it – and so therefor I slow myself down, I remain
here within breath and so make sure that I understand, which I can only do if I
give myself the chance to focus on physical reality and so stop the point of
rushing practically.
