Conquering The Contest Of Survival - Day 388

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to what I externally do/manage to do – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to ‘earn’ value and worth through my external participation in the sense of achieving, accomplishing and performing within the frames of what I have learned to define as ‘good’ and ‘valuable’- as the opinions that I have incorporated from this system/society in relation to what is being seen as ‘good’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to ‘enhance’ my value through the things that I am doing in my practical reality – instead of seeing and realizing that I am actually denying myself my value and worth as life by implying that I have to earn it through external achievements – and that what is being defined as ‘good’ within this society/system is not in any way based on what is actually best for all but essentially determined by what one has to do to ensure one’s survival, where accomplishments and success are directly connected and linked to money, to survival, to conquering a contest that only a few can win, and where the possibility of winning merely exist as a polarity to the majority that has to loose.

• And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to compete about value with others, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to conquer through proving myself worthy through externally performing and achieving ‘better’ than others – so that I can ensure my own survival.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my own survival will be at risk if I do not live according to the belief and idea that I require to earn value through externally achieving within the frames of what is being defined as ‘good’ by this society.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my experience of myself to be conditioned and controlled by how much and ‘how good’ I perceive myself to perform externally within my day to day living, where I see and realize that I have allowed the interpretation/perception/experience that I form as a response to what I have managed to get done, and the apparent quality of what I have done, within a day to completely determine how I feel about myself in the context of whether I see myself as valuable/worthy or not – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just blindly and automatically accept and allow the experience, perception and belief that comes up within the mind as a response to how ‘effective’ I apparently am or am not within a moment/situation/day – instead of seeing and realizing that just because I have made an assessment and created an opinion in relation to my effectiveness or the quality of what I have done, where I see it as though I am not aligned with the demands and expectations I have of myself, it still does not mean that it is legitimate to judge myself as less worthy or not good enough – but that I have within this allowed myself to give value to the belief that I somehow get a free pass to judge myself as inadequate within situations/moments/periods where I practically assess my performance/participation and conclude that my participation is in some way not aligned with the definition I have in relation to what is ‘good’.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself when and as I see that I am forming a perception or experience as a response to my external participation and in relation to the ‘effectiveness’ or quality of what I do – and in where I within this no more accept and allow myself to continue my participation within judgment but instead I bring myself back to here, to breathing – where I see and realize that what I do does not determine my value or worth – and so therefor I commit myself to slow myself down and realign/correct my starting-point to instead support myself within what I am doing, where I within my awareness move with me, with breath and so value myself as life instead of placing my value into what I manage to do – since I see and realize through doing so I will merely trap myself within a struggle between superiority and inferiority.