How to Find Motivation When You'd Rather Give up - Day 397

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become completely dependent on perceiving it as though it is possible for me to attain the highest grade as an end-result of my participation within a specific subject for me to be able to motivate myself into studying - in the sense of seeing studying as something that is worthwhile and enjoyable – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become unmotivated and resisting studying after having messed up an exam, wherein I all of a sudden would feel as though there is no use because I have already missed my chance of attaining an A as my final grade – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “what’s the use” – where I would allow myself to physically and practically become that statement, where I find myself unable to motivate and move myself to study, which I see and realize is a result and indication of having formed a starting-point for studying which was never completely based on a self-movement but rather on having formed the idea of it being possible for me to attain the highest grade.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I just want to give up, where I see and realize that my motivation for studying is merely based on the perception I have formed of it being possible for me to attain an A in my final grade, wherein that dependency would result in an experience of being unmotivated when and as I saw myself losing that prospect.

• And so I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed everything that I do, and my motivation for actually moving and pushing myself within what I decide to do, to be dependent on and determined by the perception I form of what I am able to attain through my participation – wherein I realize that I will actually merely feel motivated to participate when I have formed the perception of it being possible for me to attain a great result, and so whenever I perceive it as impossible for me to attain a great result I don’t see any purpose to participate – and I realize that this applies to pretty much everything within my reality, where my interpretation of the possible outcome will determine how motivated I feel to participate.

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self-movement within what I do and decide to participate within, but have instead accepted and allowed my perception of the possible outcome to determine how motivated I feel – not seeing or realizing how this is extremely self-limiting, as I become dependent on attaining an experience and belief in regards to seeing an opportunity of possibly attaining an experience of ‘being great’ within what I am doing or going to do for me to actually move myself and enjoy what I do – and so letting my starting-point be permeated with the interpretation I have formed of the possible outcome, and so already before starting something will assess what the outcome may/might be – projecting myself into the future and so preventing myself from moving myself, moment by moment, in self-direction.  

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within my school-participation to not ever accept and allow the experience of being unmotivated and the back-chat “what’s the use” to control and direct me into not studying – and so when I see that the back-chat “what’s the use” emerges within the mind, where an experience of not being motivated comes up, I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to stop my participation and within that take a stance to move myself out of the mind, where I do not listen and do not trust the mind to tell me what to do but instead I move myself, I take that opportunity to show myself capable of directing myself – and so I take responsibility through re-instructing and re-asserting myself within that moment to become the directive principle of me, where I re-align my starting-point to be ‘I move myself’ and thus practice on that in every moment where I see what needs to be done, and so I move myself to study, I practically sit down and focus, and whenever I see the mind interfere I take a moment to breathe, slow myself down and so move myself back to here and place my attention on practical, physical reality – to in that stop the dependency of experience and ideas about the outcome for me to be able to move myself within what I am doing – to instead make sure that no matter what the outcome may/might be I make sure that I do what needs to be done and so do my best, where I thus remind myself of the fact that this is what matters – as the point of who I am within what I am doing, that this is what shows me WHO I AM and is thus what will form my relationship with myself – because within this I see, realize and understand that who I am within my relationship with me is what gets influenced and determined by who I am within what I am doing, where I realize that I am not trustworthy, that I cannot trust myself really, if I do not show myself and walk my capacity, ability and responsibility to be the directive principle of me – and so, when I see that I experience myself as unmotivated and want to kind of like just ‘give up’ – I remind myself of this, I remind myself of the fact that what I am giving up on is me, is myself, is my integrity and my self-responsibility – that this has nothing to do with school at all but that it is rather about who I decide to be, what I decide to influence and control me – and I do not accept and allow my relationship with me to be and become deteriorated due to me, not taking self-responsibility through making sure that I MOVE myself, but instead I see the moments where I feel unmotivated as opportunities for me to show myself real strength, real self-respect and real self-movement through taking my life in my own hands and so decide to move myself from within to the without and thus replace the experience of attaining motivation from external factors, such as attaining the perception of it being possible for me to attain good results, with a movement as motivation from within, where I move myself as motivation from the within to the without.