- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to be and become completely dependent on perceiving it as though
it is possible for me to attain the highest grade as an end-result of my
participation within a specific subject for me to be able to motivate myself
into studying - in the sense of seeing studying as something that is worthwhile
and enjoyable – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to be and become unmotivated and resisting studying after having messed
up an exam, wherein I all of a sudden would feel as though there is no use
because I have already missed my chance of attaining an A as my final grade –
and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
think “what’s the use” – where I would allow myself to physically and practically
become that statement, where I find myself unable to motivate and move myself
to study, which I see and realize is a result and indication of having formed a
starting-point for studying which was never completely based on a self-movement
but rather on having formed the idea of it being possible for me to attain the
highest grade.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I just want to give up,
where I see and realize that my motivation for studying is merely based on the
perception I have formed of it being possible for me to attain an A in my final
grade, wherein that dependency would result in an experience of being
unmotivated when and as I saw myself losing that prospect.
- And so I furthermore forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed everything that I do, and my motivation for
actually moving and pushing myself within what I decide to do, to be dependent
on and determined by the perception I form of what I am able to attain through
my participation – wherein I realize that I will actually merely feel motivated
to participate when I have formed the perception of it being possible for me to
attain a great result, and so whenever I perceive it as impossible for me to
attain a great result I don’t see any purpose to participate – and I realize
that this applies to pretty much everything within my reality, where my
interpretation of the possible outcome will determine how motivated I feel to
participate.
- I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to live self-movement within what I do and decide
to participate within, but have instead accepted and allowed my perception of
the possible outcome to determine how motivated I feel – not seeing or
realizing how this is extremely self-limiting, as I become dependent on attaining
an experience and belief in regards to seeing an opportunity of possibly
attaining an experience of ‘being great’ within what I am doing or going to do for
me to actually move myself and enjoy what I do – and so letting my
starting-point be permeated with the interpretation I have formed of the
possible outcome, and so already before starting something will assess what the
outcome may/might be – projecting myself into the future and so preventing
myself from moving myself, moment by moment, in self-direction.
- I commit myself to assist and
support myself within my school-participation to not ever accept and allow the
experience of being unmotivated and the back-chat “what’s the use” to control
and direct me into not studying – and so when I see that the back-chat “what’s
the use” emerges within the mind, where an experience of not being motivated
comes up, I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to stop my participation
and within that take a stance to move myself out of the mind, where I do not
listen and do not trust the mind to tell me what to do but instead I move
myself, I take that opportunity to show myself capable of directing myself –
and so I take responsibility through re-instructing and re-asserting myself
within that moment to become the directive principle of me, where I re-align my
starting-point to be ‘I move myself’ and thus practice on that in every moment
where I see what needs to be done, and so I move myself to study, I practically
sit down and focus, and whenever I see the mind interfere I take a moment to
breathe, slow myself down and so move myself back to here and place my
attention on practical, physical reality – to in that stop the dependency of
experience and ideas about the outcome for me to be able to move myself within
what I am doing – to instead make sure that no matter what the outcome
may/might be I make sure that I do what needs to be done and so do my best,
where I thus remind myself of the fact that this is what matters – as the point
of who I am within what I am doing, that this is what shows me WHO I AM and is
thus what will form my relationship with myself – because within this I see, realize
and understand that who I am within my relationship with me is what gets
influenced and determined by who I am within what I am doing, where I realize
that I am not trustworthy, that I cannot trust myself really, if I do not show myself
and walk my capacity, ability and responsibility to be the directive principle
of me – and so, when I see that I experience myself as unmotivated and want to
kind of like just ‘give up’ – I remind myself of this, I remind myself of the
fact that what I am giving up on is me, is myself, is my integrity and my
self-responsibility – that this has nothing to do with school at all but that
it is rather about who I decide to be, what I decide to influence and control
me – and I do not accept and allow my relationship with me to be and become deteriorated
due to me, not taking self-responsibility through making sure that I MOVE
myself, but instead I see the moments where I feel unmotivated as opportunities
for me to show myself real strength, real self-respect and real self-movement
through taking my life in my own hands and so decide to move myself from within
to the without and thus replace the experience of attaining motivation from
external factors, such as attaining the perception of it being possible for me
to attain good results, with a movement as motivation from within, where I move
myself as motivation from the within to the without.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping my participation within the fear
of not achieving perfect results within my external reality and the fear of
what others may/might think of me if I all of a sudden would not fall into the
category of ‘being a high achiever’ anymore – in where I have accepted and
allowed myself to think and believe that I require the fear, the stress and the
anxiety for me to be able to move and motivate me into working as hard as I am
able to and perceive that I have to, to be able to achieve good results – not
seeing or realizing how extensively I am compromising my life, my relationship
to myself, to my physical and so to my world and reality just because of this
one single point in relation to my continuous participation within fear of not
being and achieving ‘perfection’ externally. In this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the fear of not
managing to achieve perfect results that I am existing within are just an
indication of me, ‘caring’ – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to
mistakenly and manipulatively created and manifested a belief and idea in
relation to the fear of not reaching external perfection – where I am seeing it
as something that indicates that I actually care, that it somehow indicates
that I have integrity – but, in this I now see, realize and understand that it
is rather the opposite – because this is not caring or integrity, I do not care
about life at all – but instead I have accepted and allowed myself to
prioritize and give value to internal fears and self-beliefs – where I have
consequentially neglected and disregarded my self-support, which I realize
would be an immediate indication of lack of care and integrity – because I am
accepting and allowing fear of not being and becoming someone that is perceived
as ‘perfect’ – but this ‘perfect’ is actually something that is based on
external knowledge and information in relation to what I have been taught to
define as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and ‘valuable’ and ‘inadequate’ etc. – not seeing or
realizing that these definitions are not in any way based on what actually
supports life and living, but merely based on external programming in relation
to how this whole world-system functions and works, where I have allowed myself
to give more value to being perceived as ‘good’ than what I value actual, real,
life.
- I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only one
that is keeping me from changing into becoming someone I would actually, really
be able to stand as and live with for eternity is me – in where I have accepted
and allowed myself to project this responsibility onto others through allowing
myself to utilize the thought ‘what would others think of me if I changed’ as
an excuse and justification for why I should continue existing as is within my
relationship to what I practically do in my external reality in where I have
allowed myself to think and believe that others expect me to be a high
achiever, and that if I start valuing self-care and self-support more than what
I value ‘being seen as and being aligned with the definition of being a high
achiever’ then I will change in a way which will make others ‘think less of me’
in the sense of others seeing me as someone who doesn’t live up to my potential
and capacity. And so within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to fear that I will think less of myself if I would not be able
to see myself as a ‘high achiever’ anymore, based on what I do and do not
perform in my external reality – where I have accepted and allowed myself to
project this fear onto others – not seeing or realizing that I do not actually
fear that others will see me as someone who does not live up to her own
potential/capacity but that I fear how I would experience myself if I would not
be able to define myself as a high achiever anymore, and thus how I would
experience myself if I would perceive that others stops defining me as a high
achiever – and so I see, realize and understand that whether others sees me as
a high achiever or not can only influence my experience of myself as long as I
accept and allow myself to define and link my self-worth to what I perceive
myself to achieve externally.
-
Within this I commit myself to assist and
support myself within my practical reality in situations where I see that fear,
stress and anxiety emerges within me due to perceiving that I, and my capacity,
are about to be ‘tested’ or measured through, within that moment of seeing the
fear coming up within me, immediately stop and breathe – where I do not accept
and allow myself to go into that fear but instead I slow myself down within
that moment, where I give myself a moment to just breathe and ground myself
here – in where I realize that fear, stress and anxiety will not and cannot
help me – and so I no more accept and allow myself to cause strain on my
physical and on my self-relationship through just automatically going into the
fear but instead I take a stance within me to no more accept and allow myself
to follow the automatic program – but instead I commit myself to in such
moments really give myself the opportunity to slow myself down and bring myself
back to here – to my physical, where I both internally and practically slow
myself down through moving myself and my awareness back to here, to every
movement and every breath.
