The Curse Of Being An Overachiever - Day 369

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping my participation within the fear of not achieving perfect results within my external reality and the fear of what others may/might think of me if I all of a sudden would not fall into the category of ‘being a high achiever’ anymore – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I require the fear, the stress and the anxiety for me to be able to move and motivate me into working as hard as I am able to and perceive that I have to, to be able to achieve good results – not seeing or realizing how extensively I am compromising my life, my relationship to myself, to my physical and so to my world and reality just because of this one single point in relation to my continuous participation within fear of not being and achieving ‘perfection’ externally. In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that the fear of not managing to achieve perfect results that I am existing within are just an indication of me, ‘caring’ – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to mistakenly and manipulatively created and manifested a belief and idea in relation to the fear of not reaching external perfection – where I am seeing it as something that indicates that I actually care, that it somehow indicates that I have integrity – but, in this I now see, realize and understand that it is rather the opposite – because this is not caring or integrity, I do not care about life at all – but instead I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize and give value to internal fears and self-beliefs – where I have consequentially neglected and disregarded my self-support, which I realize would be an immediate indication of lack of care and integrity – because I am accepting and allowing fear of not being and becoming someone that is perceived as ‘perfect’ – but this ‘perfect’ is actually something that is based on external knowledge and information in relation to what I have been taught to define as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and ‘valuable’ and ‘inadequate’ etc. – not seeing or realizing that these definitions are not in any way based on what actually supports life and living, but merely based on external programming in relation to how this whole world-system functions and works, where I have allowed myself to give more value to being perceived as ‘good’ than what I value actual, real, life. 

 

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the only one that is keeping me from changing into becoming someone I would actually, really be able to stand as and live with for eternity is me – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to project this responsibility onto others through allowing myself to utilize the thought ‘what would others think of me if I changed’ as an excuse and justification for why I should continue existing as is within my relationship to what I practically do in my external reality in where I have allowed myself to think and believe that others expect me to be a high achiever, and that if I start valuing self-care and self-support more than what I value ‘being seen as and being aligned with the definition of being a high achiever’ then I will change in a way which will make others ‘think less of me’ in the sense of others seeing me as someone who doesn’t live up to my potential and capacity. And so within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will think less of myself if I would not be able to see myself as a ‘high achiever’ anymore, based on what I do and do not perform in my external reality – where I have accepted and allowed myself to project this fear onto others – not seeing or realizing that I do not actually fear that others will see me as someone who does not live up to her own potential/capacity but that I fear how I would experience myself if I would not be able to define myself as a high achiever anymore, and thus how I would experience myself if I would perceive that others stops defining me as a high achiever – and so I see, realize and understand that whether others sees me as a high achiever or not can only influence my experience of myself as long as I accept and allow myself to define and link my self-worth to what I perceive myself to achieve externally. 

 

• Within this I commit myself to assist and support myself within my practical reality in situations where I see that fear, stress and anxiety emerges within me due to perceiving that I, and my capacity, are about to be ‘tested’ or measured through, within that moment of seeing the fear coming up within me, immediately stop and breathe – where I do not accept and allow myself to go into that fear but instead I slow myself down within that moment, where I give myself a moment to just breathe and ground myself here – in where I realize that fear, stress and anxiety will not and cannot help me – and so I no more accept and allow myself to cause strain on my physical and on my self-relationship through just automatically going into the fear but instead I take a stance within me to no more accept and allow myself to follow the automatic program – but instead I commit myself to in such moments really give myself the opportunity to slow myself down and bring myself back to here – to my physical, where I both internally and practically slow myself down through moving myself and my awareness back to here, to every movement and every breath.