Shattering The Shackles Of Being a 'High Achiever' -Day 368

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will expect me to always achieve perfect results within what I externally participate within due to thinking and believing that if others expect something specific of me, then I have to live up to that – not seeing or realizing how I have just automatically given value to and taken for granted that others expectations are something I must live up to, unquestionably – without seeing and realizing that just because I perceive it as though others  have expectations in relation to what I manage to do and what not, does not automatically mean that I have to ‘satisfy’ their belief and align myself and my living according to their expectations – that I can and have the responsibility to actually decide over my own life and living – where I must be the one that decides what I will prioritize in my life and what not. And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear deciding over my own life in relation to actually taking self-responsibility through directing and deciding what I will prioritize – due to thinking and believing that ‘people will think less of me’ if I do not live up to the definition of being a ‘high achiever’ and ‘someone who works really hard and am self-disciplined’.

 

• And so within this I forgive myself that I have not ever, within or throughout my life, accepted and allowed myself to ask myself; what do I want to do, what do I need – and what is most important for me? – but have instead always accepted and allowed myself to push myself to attempt and try to align who I am with what I perceive others to expect of me – in where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely forget about me, about who I want to be in my relationship with myself – and have instead just blindly accepted and allowed myself to prioritize and fear others expectations and definitions of me – as though others expectations/my perception of others expectations should be my map, my guide in relation to what I do and do not do.

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping my participation within a life which is constituted and shaped according to my perception of others expectations due to thinking and believing that if I do not continue pushing myself to live up to others possible expectations then I will disappoint others and be seen as someone who does not ‘live up to my own capacity’ – not seeing or realizing that; yes, sure – everyone could actually achieve perfect external results, but this is about what one decides to prioritize, and I see that I am compromising my self-support and my relationship with myself due to letting my priority, my driving-force and starting-point within life be the perception I have of what others ‘expect of me’ – where I am within this not taking self-responsibility through looking at 1.What do I require/need to be stable 2.Who do I want to be and how do I want to experience myself within my relationship with me? 3.What is needed/what do I actually require to do to for me to survive within this system? – Because within this I see, realize and understand that the strain I have manifested and placed on myself are not based on practical consideration in relation to seeing that it is needed for me to assure my survival within this world-system of money, but rather based on my fear of what others may/might think of me – where I am merely utilizing this point of ‘I have to push myself to make sure that I am stable within this system’ as an excuse and justification for why I should continue my existence within this program that I have set up for myself – where I see and realize that the program I have manifested is based on fear of not living up to others expectations/fear of not being seen as ‘good enough’ and thus the desire to be seen as perfect, as successful, as hard-working etc. – and that these two polarities of positivity and negativity, of desire and fear, are what moves and directs me – where I realize that I am holding on to and perpetuating the fear of what others may/might think of me if I do not live up to the definitions and expectations I perceive others to have of me through allowing myself to exist within desire to and towards external validation and confirmation in regards to myself as being ‘good enough’, hard-working and a 'high-achiever'.

 

• Within this I commit myself to assist and support myself through investigating this point in relation to how I have constituted and founded my life and my relationship to what I externally participate within – where I commit myself to, through my writings, self-forgiveness and commitment-statements, open up and investigate what it is that moves, directs and motivates me in relation to what I externally do, why I do it and what I would actually require to support myself within my life, my living, my relationship with me and so my survival within this system – where I commit myself to realign and reinstruct myself to stop accepting and allowing fear and desire to be what moves me within what I participate within and instead take my life in my own hands where I live self-responsibility through actually being the one who decides what is important and what is not important when considering my self-support, my relationship with me and my stability within the system - because within this I see, realize and understand that how I am currently living is not cool, is not supportive and is not something I would want to look back at later and realize that I actually could have lived in another way - but did not. Therefor I commit myself to walk through this construct and really in that give myself the opportunity to create a life for myself that I would really want, a life that I can look back at without regretting and asking myself; why didn't I live?