The Difference Between Caring and Fearing - Day 371

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that if I do not fear failure, then I will fail – in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the fear of not reaching perfect results through thinking and believing that I will ‘stop caring’ if I do not fear failure – where I within this have accepted and allowed myself to fear becoming someone who ‘doesn’t care’ as a result of how I have judged that as shameful and a sign of lacking discipline – not seeing or realizing that I have allowed fear to be what directs, moves and motivates me for such an extended period of time that I have never actually considered or given myself the opportunity to develop self-movement where I within my self-relationship directs myself, but have rather just waited for internal stress and fear to ‘activate’ me – where I now see and realize that I can within this move and direct myself without having to generate an experience first. 

 

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust my ability and capacity to move myself due to having accepted and allowed myself to rather trust fear, anxiety and stress for such an extended period of time – in where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is only when I fear failure that I will practically push myself to do what is required to be done – where I have consequentially formed a resistance towards stopping this fear as a result of believing myself to be dependent on internal experiences of stress/fear/anxiety for me to be able to motivate myself into working hard.

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to fear and resist not going into and stopping fear and stress when and as I see it emerging within me – where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately generate and manifest fear and stress as an attempt to push myself to work harder and faster – as I see how I have created myself in relation to my external reality, where I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become completely dependent on an experience to tell me what to do – where I have allowed that experience of fear and anxiety to be what determines how hard I work, where I only take things ‘seriously’ if I first generate and go into fear, stress, anxiety and nervousness, as that is what I have learned to link and connect to something that is apparently important – where I, on the other hand, when stopping and deleting the fear, the nervousness, the anxiety and the stress, I will within me experience it as though I don’t care, I don’t take it ‘seriously’ – which in itself would trigger yet another fear, as the fear of not caring, and the fear that not caring/not seeing what I practically participate within as something that determines my value will be able to direct me into a state in where I become unmotivated and undisciplined – not seeing or realizing that I do have the ability, the capacity and the responsibility to move and direct myself to walk through my practical responsibilities – and that I am capable of doing that no matter what, that I do not require to make it seem as though my self-worth is dependent on the result I obtain within what I am doing to be able to motivate myself into actually working hard – and so within this I do see, realize and understand that I have actually never even given myself the opportunity to develop this self-movement, where I direct and motivate myself into studying and walking through my daily responsibilities with me being the directive principle – but have instead, for so long, just trusted some form of experience to ‘activate’ me, and therefore I see and realize that it will take time, practice and patience – but that I am ready to walk it, that I am ready to take that decision to stop the fear-activation, in where I practically practice on leading myself within my life.

 

• And so within this I commit myself to give myself the opportunity to assist and support myself within my practical participation through re-instructing myself – where I commit myself to change my starting-point to immediately stop and breathe when and as I see that fear comes up, and in this state; ‘No! I move myself now, I do not require fear’ – to in this moment practice self-movement in real-time, where I no more accept and allow myself to continue the dependency that I have formed to/towards fear, but instead take the decision to move myself, to direct myself and to walk that practically, where I change the pattern of waiting for fear to activate me –in where I instead take the initiative to move, direct and motivate myself – as I within this realize that fighting myself through going into fear and stress will and does weaken my physical body and in the long-run I will and am creating consequences which are not cool – and therefor I commit myself to support myself to within this learn how to live self-movement here and now.