How To Stop Your Internal War - Day 379

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a pattern in where I am making things harder and more difficult than what they actually are through self-sabotaging, in the sense of looking at my external reality and so my external participations/responsibilities and daily living and within me deciding to see it as hard and as difficult – where I am habitually generating and perpetuating an internal struggle and so experiences of stress and anxiety – where I have in a way become so used to experiencing everything as hard and as difficult that I am deliberately continuing to make things difficult for myself, where I in a way want to struggle/fight as an addiction to inherent patterns – and within this I see, realize and understand that I am actually making most things within my life so much harder and much more difficult than what they have to be – where I continually ensure a life of struggle through holding on to a belief in relation to how I think that my life will turn out, a belief in relation to how I think that my life has to be – not seeing or realizing that I am the only one that is responsible for the struggle I am currently experiencing, that just because my life has been a struggle in the past does not mean that I have to persevere in such direction – that I now actually do have the ability to take power over my own life and living and in that decide what type of starting-point and approach I want to have towards my participation – where I now see, realize and understand that the current approach I have towards every aspect of my life are permeated with an internal experience of struggle – where I actually have allowed myself to become addicted to struggling, to making things hard, to self-sabotaging through constantly anticipate failure, misery and difficulties.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to just accept my life to be hard and difficult – where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly expect, assume and anticipate that I will always be faced with difficulties, that that is just how my life is and has always been – where things that can ‘go wrong’ will go wrong – not seeing or realizing how I am within this self-sabotaging through accepting and allowing myself to constantly assume that anything bad that can happen, will happen to me – because within this I see, realize and understand that when I assume that things will be difficult and hard, I am consequentially creating such a life for myself – and within this I see, realize and understand that it is time for me to take my life in my own hands and in that re-instruct, re-create and re-establish my approach towards my external participation – and so I commit myself to further investigate this point, as the addiction to inherent patterns, and within that stop the pattern of deliberately creating struggles within my life – but to instead see what I can do, who I can be and how I can experience myself within my life and living if I stop the tendency of self-sabotaging through making everything so difficult.