Self-Inflicted Stress And Self-Anger - Day 372

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not understanding something within school immediately – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, if and when I see myself being unable to immediately understand/comprehend something go into a reaction of irritation and self-anger, where I create and manifest self-inflicted stress and self-blame as an automatic outflow whenever I perceive it as though I do not comprehend something – not seeing or realizing that inflicting stress and self-irritation/anger will not, and cannot, actually help me within the situation, that it will not make me more inclined to actually understanding the information but that I am within this just starting an internal fight with myself where I am essentially bullying myself for not being a super-human that understands everything immediately – where what I actually would need in such situation to assist and support myself to understand would be to slow myself down and investigate what it is that I don’t understand and thus look at what I require to be able to understand – and that when I go into a reaction and internal conflict I am only making it even harder – because within this I now see, realize and understand that when I go into a reaction of ‘I don’t get it, aaaaaaah I am so stupid’ I have already decided that I will not understand and have thus locked myself into that self-belief which prevents me from focusing on what I would require to comprehend – in where I instead become preoccupied within a reaction and internal fight.

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so caught up within this one single point of not understanding something that I completely forget about and disregard everything else – in where I have accepted and allowed myself to go into and participate within the reactions and internal conversations that emerges within me in moments where I perceive myself to be unable to understand/comprehend something – and in that placing all of my focus and attention on this one single dimension – in where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see this one point of not understanding/comprehending something specific as something that defines the totality and entirety of my life, of who I am and my self-worth – and in this I see, realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this pattern of taking things to an extreme, in where I do not see reality or the entirety of my existence because of accepting and allowing myself to get caught up within one dimension as the one point in relation to something that I do not perceive myself to understand immediately and completely – and in where I within that allow myself to define my whole existence according to the reactions that comes up within such instant – where I all of a sudden see my whole life and myself as worthless – merely because I do not perceive myself to understand something within a moment.

 

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself in moments where I perceive it as though I do not comprehend/understand something immediately – to in such moments stop the reactions and slow myself down through breathing – in where I practice on remaining here, where I see, realize and understand that starting a fight with myself within the mind will not help me to understand – and therefor I commit myself to stop within such moments and direct myself out of self-sabotage in where I re-instruct myself to instead look at what I require in that moment to be able to actually understand – and so give myself a solution instead of starting an internal fight.