I Really Want You To Fail - Day 386

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will succeed in ways and within areas where I perceive myself to have failed within or am unable to succeed within – due to thinking and believing that if another person can succeed and manage to obtain a better result than me within areas that I participate within, then that must mean that I am not ‘as good as that person’ but am rather less than and inadequate – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the perception I have of my external performances/accomplishments to others, where I within that have allowed myself to create a pattern of constant comparison and competition in the sense of believing that who I am, and so my self-worth, is determined and measured by whether or not I perceive others to be better than me within areas that I participate within as well.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that the image I present of myself to the world will be deteriorated and degraded if and when I perceive someone else to be better than me or more successful than me within areas of which I participate within as well.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have not ever within or throughout my life accepted and allowed myself to question this pattern of self-interest as how I exist and live within this world in relation to others, where all I have come to care about is presenting an acceptable image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question and ask myself why – in the sense of looking at and investigating how and why I believe that presenting an acceptable image of myself to the world would matter or determine who I am - I mean; here I am busy separating myself from all and everyone through a continuous pattern of competition, where I essentially want others to fail just so that I can portray myself as more successful within the mind, but – why? What purpose does that serve?

• And so within this I commit myself to, through my writings and my self-forgiveness, start to investigate, look at and question the patterns I have formed in relation to feeling the need to portray and present an acceptable image of myself to the world – where I see and realize that I do not even understand my own creation fully, where I exist within an obsession in regards to the results I obtain externally in the sense of fearing failure and desiring to be better than others within what I do – but in where I have never really asked myself why, since – no matter what I ‘accomplish’ externally I have still always feared failure and especially in the context of perceiving myself to not be as good as others, due to thinking and believing that if I do not manage to portray an acceptable image of myself to the world then that must mean that I am inadequate – and so to within this look at the pattern of competing with others, where I realize that the construct serve no purpose but is merely perpetuating my existence within separation from others – and am thus separating myself from me through comparing myself with points and aspects that are outside of me – instead of actually establishing a relationship with me where I live self-acceptance and in that expand and grow within what I do without utilizing the points of comparison and competition, but rather move myself and so stand with others in assisting and supporting myself and so others to expand, develop and grow.