- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping the pattern of
attempting and trying to decode other people’s personal preferences in regards
to who I perceive that I have to be or what sides/aspects of me that I have to
enhance and present of myself to be able to trigger, activate and generate
positive experiences, opinions and internal thoughts/back-chats within the
people/person that I am encountering – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot just simply let
myself be me and express myself as who I am – but that I rather have to decode
and assess what other people will react and respond to within and with a positive
experience and thus align and mold myself accordingly – because being me is
apparently not enough – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to desire, want and need to attain the experiences of fitting in
and being approved of and accepted by others, wherein I have allowed who I am
when interacting with others to be and become influenced and conditioned by this
desire to be able to confirm that others approve of me as the ‘who I am’ –
instead of seeing and realizing that letting such desire, want and need to
guide and move me has really in fact lead me nowhere – in the sense of looking
at my underlying starting-point which is to get approved of, accepted and feel
as though I am ‘a good person’, someone that is appreciated, respected and
loved – and in that I realize that I am denying myself acceptance, self-approval, self-respect and
self-appreciation - that I am, through looking for such aspects/points
externally, stating that I refuse to
give these points to myself, to live these points for myself as parts and
points of me – and so I see and realize that for as long as I accept and allow myself
to deny myself that which I see myself require within my relationship to me
through searching for it outside of myself, I am at the same time making my
relationship to me, to who I am and to how I see myself dependent on external
factors which I really in fact CANNOT CONTROL – since I see and realize that
how others may/might react and respond to who I am does not, and cannot, define,
portray or depict who I really am – since what others think and feel about me would
rather represent who they are in relation to looking at their life-experiences
and memories – where I realize that who I am in other people’s minds will get
filtered through layers of memories, past events, inherited opinions, beliefs
and so on – since I see and realize that these are aspects, points and layers that
I see through as well, where I realize that when I react towards something within
positivity or negativity, then that is a result and outcome of how I have
created my mind through memories and past events – as such I realize that when and
how I internally react towards external circumstances and other people, is a
result of my own acceptances and allowances and that I am thus responsible –
and through that I also realize that how another reacts and responds to me, and
how others perceives/sees me, is not something I can control – as I have no
idea how others entire mind works – and within this I furthermore see and
realize that it is mind-reactions, not even the real person – so there is
really no reason for me to take it personally, fear certain reactions and
desire others – that the real solution here would rather be to investigate and
look at the aspect and points that I am searching for externally and so focus
on how I can incorporate and give myself such points – so that I within this
can stop letting my relationship with me be dependent and conditioned by
external points which I cannot control.
- When and as I see that I am
attempting and trying to decode and assess who I should be and present myself
as to be able to activate, trigger and generate positive
experiences/opinions/perceptions/ideas within the people/person that I am
interacting with – I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to be aware of
who I am when being/interacting with others and thus aware of the tendency of
attempting and trying to decode and assess who I should be to be able to
confirm and experience it as though others approve of, accept and validate who
I am – wherein I stop myself when I see myself activating this program through
the fear of ‘what others may think’ – and so re-instruct myself to take a
moment, breathe, and instead place my focus on being me – and in that I
furthermore commit myself to work on my relationship with me from the
perspective of stopping my participation within the search for external
confirmation and validation and instead investigate and explore how I can give
myself that which I see myself looking for externally, how and what I require
to be able to really accept myself – to in that make sure that I take
responsibility for standing stable within myself, accepting me, no matter how I
perceive others to respond/react to me – to in that break the dependency and enslavement
that I have formed towards external circumstances and instead focus on that
which I actually can control, that which I do have the ability, the capacity
and the responsibility to change – as the relationship I have with myself from
the perspective of what and why I deny myself that which I see myself require
to be able to stop the endless external search and dependency – because within
this I see and realize that being me, and actually accepting myself, is really
something that I would want within my life and within my relationship to me –
so, therefor I commit myself to, within this life, within my life, really embrace
the opportunity to live within equality and oneness with myself through giving
myself self-acceptance and self-respect – because where the pattern of
searching for such aspects outside of me has lead me is really just nowhere,
and will thus not lead to anything else in the future either – so therefor I
commit myself to explore and investigate where I can lead myself with taking my
life in my own hands and so decide to live self-acceptance for myself, to live
self-respect for myself, to stand with myself instead of against myself.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must not, and have ‘no
right to’, come across as self-confident in class and on upcoming exams after
not having done well on the latest exam – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that others and the teacher will perceive
it as though I am not aware of how bad I performed in my latest exam or that
people/the teacher will perceive it as though I am not ashamed of my bad performance
if I come across as confident.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be ashamed of
my most recent performance within the previous exam to show myself and others/the
teacher that ‘I am better than that’ and that I am punishing myself through
being ashamed, that I am disciplining myself through being hard on myself and
blaming myself – where I feel the need to show and state that I am not proud of
my former performance, that I do not in any way accept such bad performance,
through acting and going into the experience of shame and self-criticism – where
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to
show the teacher how ‘bad I feel’ and how I in no way accept such bad results –
that I in no way accept myself when I have performed ‘so lousy’ – and within
that accepting and allowing my continued participation within school to suffer
and get conditioned through accepting and allowing myself to fear acting and
coming across in any other way than as being ashamed and embarrassed, where I
see and realize that I am empowering and generating the experiences of being
unconfident, self-doubtful, nervous and anxious which are experienced that will
really not help me within my participation in my upcoming exam – as I have seen
and realized that these experiences will rather prevent me from actually
showing my capacity and I am within this merely trapping myself as I see and
realize that accepting and allowing myself to be unconfident and self-doubting
does inevitably lead to a lesser capacity to perform well and allowing such
experiences are thus deliberate self-sabotage – and I mean; am I willing to
lower my grade even more just because I fear coming off as confident when I
believe that I should be ashamed?
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being hard on myself and
blaming myself whenever I perceive my external
performances/achievements/participation to be imperfect or not good enough
indicates that I am ‘self-aware’ and that it makes me ‘a better person’ since I
am at least then apparently aware of my inadequacies and showing/stating to
others and so to myself that I do not accept this from myself, that I am not
unaware of, stand for or am proud of myself and my
performances/participation/achievements - where I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define being hard on myself
as something that is positive and a good thing that makes me ‘a good person’ –
not seeing or realizing how being hard on myself and blaming myself has never
in fact lead me to becoming better at what I externally do or helped me
performing better – since I within this become so preoccupied with blaming and
being hard on myself that I consequentially prevent myself from really trusting
myself and so standing within and as self-confidence when being faced with a
situation wherein my capacity is being ‘tested’.
- And so I see, realize and understand
that to be able to do my best within my upcoming exam I require to direct
myself out of shame and self-blame and so instead decide to stand as
self-confidence and self-trust, where I see and realize that I am only able to
do my actual best when I do not allow a simultaneous internal fight and
conflict – because when I allow myself to participate within shame and being
hard on myself I am literally fighting with myself where what I would need is
to work and walk with me – and therefor
I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation through making
sure that I move myself out of self-doubt and do not accept and allow myself to
be hard on myself due to perceiving myself to having performed lousy in my
latest exam – but to instead let go of and give myself a clear and new
opportunity where I do not accept and allow the belief of myself as being a
better person and/or coming off as more aware if I am appearing as ashamed and
disappointed at myself to influence and control my participation within my upcoming
exam. Instead I commit myself to support myself when I see that I am being hard
on myself through immediately directing myself back to here where I commit
myself to walk with myself in and as who I am, here – where I see and realize
that it is only me blaming myself, and that this will not help me in any kind
of way and so therefor I re-instruct myself to stand on my own side in the
sense of not accepting and allowing myself to continue this pattern of
following and complying with the need to be seen as ‘a good person’ for
recognizing my apparent inadequacies – but instead I focus on being here,
standing with me and so doing my best through moving myself out of self-blame
and back to here through breathing – where I commit myself to give myself this
opportunity to explore and investigate how it would be like to no more accept
and allow self-blame to influence and control me.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that others will succeed in ways and within areas
where I perceive myself to have failed within or am unable to succeed within –
due to thinking and believing that if another person can succeed and manage to
obtain a better result than me within areas that I participate within, then
that must mean that I am not ‘as good as that person’ but am rather less than
and inadequate – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to compare the perception I have of my external
performances/accomplishments to others, where I within that have allowed myself
to create a pattern of constant comparison and competition in the sense of
believing that who I am, and so my self-worth, is determined and measured by
whether or not I perceive others to be better than me within areas that I
participate within as well.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that the image I present of myself to the
world will be deteriorated and degraded if and when I perceive someone else to
be better than me or more successful than me within areas of which I
participate within as well.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have not ever within or throughout my life accepted and allowed myself to
question this pattern of self-interest as how I exist and live within this
world in relation to others, where all I have come to care about is presenting
an acceptable image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself
that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question and ask myself why – in
the sense of looking at and investigating how and why I believe that presenting
an acceptable image of myself to the world would matter or determine who I am - I mean; here I am
busy separating myself from all and everyone through a continuous pattern of
competition, where I essentially want others to fail just so that I can portray
myself as more successful within the mind, but – why? What purpose does that
serve?
- And so within this I commit myself
to, through my writings and my self-forgiveness, start to investigate, look at
and question the patterns I have formed in relation to feeling the need to
portray and present an acceptable image of myself to the world – where I see and realize that I do not even understand my own
creation fully, where I exist within an obsession in regards to the results I
obtain externally in the sense of fearing failure and desiring to be better
than others within what I do – but in where I have never really asked myself
why, since – no matter what I ‘accomplish’ externally I have still always
feared failure and especially in the context of perceiving myself to not be as
good as others, due to thinking and believing that if I do not manage to
portray an acceptable image of myself to the world then that must mean that I
am inadequate – and so to within this look at the pattern of competing with
others, where I realize that the construct serve no purpose but is merely
perpetuating my existence within separation from others – and am thus
separating myself from me through comparing myself with points and aspects that
are outside of me – instead of actually establishing a relationship with me
where I live self-acceptance and in that expand and grow within what I do
without utilizing the points of comparison and competition, but rather move
myself and so stand with others in assisting and supporting myself and so
others to expand, develop and grow.
