- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must not, and have ‘no
right to’, come across as self-confident in class and on upcoming exams after
not having done well on the latest exam – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that others and the teacher will perceive
it as though I am not aware of how bad I performed in my latest exam or that
people/the teacher will perceive it as though I am not ashamed of my bad performance
if I come across as confident.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be ashamed of
my most recent performance within the previous exam to show myself and others/the
teacher that ‘I am better than that’ and that I am punishing myself through
being ashamed, that I am disciplining myself through being hard on myself and
blaming myself – where I feel the need to show and state that I am not proud of
my former performance, that I do not in any way accept such bad performance,
through acting and going into the experience of shame and self-criticism – where
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to
show the teacher how ‘bad I feel’ and how I in no way accept such bad results –
that I in no way accept myself when I have performed ‘so lousy’ – and within
that accepting and allowing my continued participation within school to suffer
and get conditioned through accepting and allowing myself to fear acting and
coming across in any other way than as being ashamed and embarrassed, where I
see and realize that I am empowering and generating the experiences of being
unconfident, self-doubtful, nervous and anxious which are experienced that will
really not help me within my participation in my upcoming exam – as I have seen
and realized that these experiences will rather prevent me from actually
showing my capacity and I am within this merely trapping myself as I see and
realize that accepting and allowing myself to be unconfident and self-doubting
does inevitably lead to a lesser capacity to perform well and allowing such
experiences are thus deliberate self-sabotage – and I mean; am I willing to
lower my grade even more just because I fear coming off as confident when I
believe that I should be ashamed?
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being hard on myself and
blaming myself whenever I perceive my external
performances/achievements/participation to be imperfect or not good enough
indicates that I am ‘self-aware’ and that it makes me ‘a better person’ since I
am at least then apparently aware of my inadequacies and showing/stating to
others and so to myself that I do not accept this from myself, that I am not
unaware of, stand for or am proud of myself and my
performances/participation/achievements - where I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define being hard on myself
as something that is positive and a good thing that makes me ‘a good person’ –
not seeing or realizing how being hard on myself and blaming myself has never
in fact lead me to becoming better at what I externally do or helped me
performing better – since I within this become so preoccupied with blaming and
being hard on myself that I consequentially prevent myself from really trusting
myself and so standing within and as self-confidence when being faced with a
situation wherein my capacity is being ‘tested’.
- And so I see, realize and understand
that to be able to do my best within my upcoming exam I require to direct
myself out of shame and self-blame and so instead decide to stand as
self-confidence and self-trust, where I see and realize that I am only able to
do my actual best when I do not allow a simultaneous internal fight and
conflict – because when I allow myself to participate within shame and being
hard on myself I am literally fighting with myself where what I would need is
to work and walk with me – and therefor
I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation through making
sure that I move myself out of self-doubt and do not accept and allow myself to
be hard on myself due to perceiving myself to having performed lousy in my
latest exam – but to instead let go of and give myself a clear and new
opportunity where I do not accept and allow the belief of myself as being a
better person and/or coming off as more aware if I am appearing as ashamed and
disappointed at myself to influence and control my participation within my upcoming
exam. Instead I commit myself to support myself when I see that I am being hard
on myself through immediately directing myself back to here where I commit
myself to walk with myself in and as who I am, here – where I see and realize
that it is only me blaming myself, and that this will not help me in any kind
of way and so therefor I re-instruct myself to stand on my own side in the
sense of not accepting and allowing myself to continue this pattern of
following and complying with the need to be seen as ‘a good person’ for
recognizing my apparent inadequacies – but instead I focus on being here,
standing with me and so doing my best through moving myself out of self-blame
and back to here through breathing – where I commit myself to give myself this
opportunity to explore and investigate how it would be like to no more accept
and allow self-blame to influence and control me.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed my self-esteem and self-confidence in school to be and become
dependent on how well I perceive myself to perform within exams and assignments
– where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an
experience of being insecure and unconfident when and as I perceive myself not
to perform as well as I normally do – and I furthermore forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to be and become dependent on attaining the
experience of performing well for me to be able to feel and be confident – where
I see and realize that I have allowed the experience of self-doubt to just take
over and decide who I am, without me even questioning the experience due to
thinking and believing that it is right, justified and legitimate for me to
doubt myself and feel insecure when I have not performed well, thinking and
believing that that gives me a free-pass to doubt myself and feel insecure –
not seeing or realizing that this is an automated pattern that I have formed ,
where I am the one who gives my consent to self-doubt as a response of
perceiving myself to having performed bad, but that just because I haven’t
performed well does not mean that I have to or am obligated to doubt myself or
let my confidence get influenced.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted and assume that whether I
doubt myself or am confident will and must be determined by my external
performance – wherein I would never, within or throughout my life, allow myself
to establish real self-assurance and self-confidence but would instead just
blindly accept and allow myself to believe that such points can merely be lived
when, and as a result of, one’s external performances/achievements – wherein I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate this
belief through living accordingly, wherein I would accept and allow myself to
just blindly and unquestionably allow myself to limit myself within my
relationship to me through not seeing and realizing that self-confidence and
self-assurance can only be lived as constant points/parts within me when and as
they are just that, lived, from the within to the without, as a decision and self-movement
– and so I see and realize that when I am searching and looking for confidence
outside of myself, within my performances and the things that I participate
within, I am forming a dependency and am not at all taking responsibility for
creating the self and the life that it is that I would really want for myself,
but am rather looking and searching for aspects that I require within my
relationship with me outside of myself – which I see and realize will inevitably
lead to dependency, where I allow myself to become dependent on the perception of performing well for me to be
able to feel confident, when all the while I could have and can decide to give
myself and live self-confidence as a living principle of me – to stop looking
and searching outside of myself and to instead move and direct myself out of
self-doubt and stop the pattern of letting my external performance determine
how and who I am within myself and so without.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to form expectations and/or anticipations according
to the perception I have formed of how I have performed previously, wherein my
latest performance within an exam/assignment determines what I
expect/anticipate for the future in the sense of how I believe that I will perform
in upcoming exams/assignments, wherein I forgive myself that I have not accepted
and allowed myself to give myself the opportunity of always standing within
myself, trusting me, and thus doing my best without anticipating or expecting
any specific result but to instead live self-confidence no matter how ‘well’ I
managed to perform in my latest exam/assignment.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should not, and have no
right to, be self-confident if and when I perceive my latest performance within
school/an assignment/exam to be ‘bad’ – and wherein I have thus allowed my
starting-point behind my continued participation, as the starting-point I have
within the next exam/assignment, be and become influenced and determined by
previous results – where I am holding on to past performances and thus
expecting bad results if I did not perform well in the latest assignment/exam –
instead of always giving myself a clean slate where I make sure that I let go
of past results and instead make sure that I stand, within who I am as
self-confidence, and so move myself to do my best in what is here now.
- In this I commit myself to assist
and support myself to live self-confidence through no more just blindly accepting
and allowing myself to go into self-doubt when I perceive my results and
performances within school to be bad or not as good as they normally are – but
to instead become aware of this tendency of just unquestionably believing that
it is impossible and not legitimate for me to be confident within myself if and
when I have not attained good results within my external participation – so
therefor I commit myself to support myself within moments where I see that the
experience of self-doubt starts to emerge within me, where I within such
situations/moments stop, take a moment to breathe, and so re-instruct myself
where I stop giving my consent to self-doubt to tell me who I am or what I am
capable of – and so within that I instead make sure that I let go of past
results/performances through realizing that I cannot change it, I can only make
sure that I give myself the opportunity here and now to do my best – which I
commit myself to do through making sure that I direct myself out of the
experience of self-doubt that are based on past performances/results and so
stand as and live self-confidence as a directive decision and movement.
