“Now – the Mind is the Product of
your Environment and the Events that took place in your life, and the Events
that you Learned from.”
“So, if you for instance have a
Program due to Trauma where You Have Immense Fear for a
Person, you will Create in the Mind – and the Mind will virtually do it by
Itself because You’re Not really Aware that you are doing it – You will Create
a Mechanism through which you would Detect according to your Environment, the
Possibility of People in your Environment that May Cause such Trauma again, and
you will end up Seeing the person that Caused the Trauma Everywhere. Now
obviously the Person Doesn’t Exist, the Person Only Exists in the Mechanism
that You’ve Created through which you are Attempting to Protect Yourself from
such Trauma and therefore Any Person that in Any Way will Show Any form of the
Patterns which are Part of your Protection mechanism in the Mind will
Immediately bring up Paranoia and you’ll immediately ‘Not Like the Person,’
you’ll Immediately want to be Out of their Environment as Much as Possible, Not
Communicate with them/ Stay Away from them because all they’re going to do is –
according to Your Mechanism – they’re going to Abuse you and therefore you will Move
Yourself out of that Environment to Protect yourself.” -Bernard Poolman - Day 397: Paranoia and Stopping the Mind
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to create and live within and according to a fear
of triggering or activating negatively charged internal conversations,
opinions, experiences or reactions within other beings through my behavior or
words due to having associated and connected such occurrences to my past living
conditions, where I see and realize that I developed and manifested an intense
fear of activating or triggering anger/frustration/disapproval/discontentment
within others due to the consequences I would be faced with when perceiving
myself to having triggered such reactions within the first foster mother I had –
and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
hold on to and continue living with this protection-mechanism that I would create
in the past as an attempt to protect myself from trauma through suppressing,
hiding and aligning myself with that which I saw wouldn’t trigger negatively
charged reactions/experiences/thoughts within the foster mother – not seeing or
realizing that this pattern and mechanism is not assisting or supporting me in
any way what so ever in my current living since I am fully capable of
protecting/defending myself and standing up for myself through simply utilizing
common sense and practical consideration in terms of assessing the situations I
am in and through that make sure that I take self-responsibility for my words
and behavior, and to also realize that, yes, there is always a possibility of other
people reacting in anger/frustration/disapproval/discontentment, no matter who
or how I am really, because I can in no way know how other people’s entire mind
is set up and what may/might trigger reactions within others – so all I can do
is to be me, to make sure that I treat others as I would like to be treated without
suppressing/hiding myself or going in with the starting-point of constantly
assessing and attempting to decode what/who/how another person would prefer me
to be where I am trying to trigger or generate positive experiences but to
rather focus on being me, and if or when I see another reacting I realize that
it is not actually something personal but that it is due to how that specific
individual have created and constructed their mind – and that if a situation
would emerge wherein I see that my safety is at risk I do have the capacity to
remove myself from the situation – and so within this I see, realize and understand
that fearing other’s possible reactions are actually completely unnecessary as
I do have the tools, the understanding and the capacity to assess a situation/moment
with common sense and thus decide in every moment what is best for all – but that
accepting and allowing myself to live in constant fear and worry about
triggering/generating/activating negatively charged reactions within another is
really not assisting or supporting me and does not help me in any kind of way –
that it is in fact just preventing me from trusting myself and from standing stable
within myself and focusing on being me.
- When and as I see that I am going
into the mechanism of trying to protect myself from the possibility of having
to face the consequences that I perceive is going to happen if I in some way
activate/trigger/generate negatively charged reactions within another person,
and in where I see myself going into fear due to perceiving a pattern/behavior/words/tonality/’sign’
within another, that I have connected and linked to the foster mothers patterns/behaviors/words/tonality
and where I thus see myself activating this mechanism through fear – I immediately
stop and breathe – where I see, realize and understand that the reaction of
fear got triggered because someone in some way represented/showed a pattern
which I have linked to the foster mother and which thus activates the
protection mechanism within the mind, but that it is not necessary for me to
react in fear, hide or suppress myself – and so therefor I commit myself to in
the continuation be aware of this tendency and through that immediately stop
and breathe when I see myself activating this defense and protection mechanism,
where I re-instruct myself to instead participate in that which exists directly
as the physical – to assess the physical situation that I am in with common
sense and practical consideration to within that stand as the directive
principle of me, where I see and realize that it is only when I am here,
participating in what is actually practically and physically occurring that I
can assess the situation and decide what is best within the moment – and so
therefor I no more accept and allow myself to just automatically and instantaneously
go into the pattern of fear whenever I see a dimension/aspect within another
that reminds me of the foster mother – but to within such moments instead take
a breath, slow myself down and look at the situation practically – where I
bring my power back to me, where I stand up for myself and so trust myself –
because within this I see, realize and understand that within these situations
I am essentially becoming the scared child that I once was, and that hiding and
suppressing myself is of no need, that I am fully capable of standing with
myself, standing up for myself and practically assess what is best in any given
moment.
