- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to define who I am according to what I externally do/manage
to do – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to think and believe that I have to ‘earn’ value and worth through my
external participation in the sense of achieving, accomplishing and performing
within the frames of what I have learned to define as ‘good’ and ‘valuable’- as
the opinions that I have incorporated from this system/society in relation to
what is being seen as ‘good’ – where I have accepted and allowed myself to
think and believe that I require to ‘enhance’ my value through the things that
I am doing in my practical reality – instead of seeing and realizing that I am
actually denying myself my value and worth as life by implying that I have to
earn it through external achievements – and that what is being defined as ‘good’
within this society/system is not in any way based on what is actually best for
all but essentially determined by what one has to do to ensure one’s survival,
where accomplishments and success are directly connected and linked to money,
to survival, to conquering a contest that only a few can win, and where the
possibility of winning merely exist as a polarity to the majority that has to
loose.
- And so within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to
compete about value with others, where I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to conquer through
proving myself worthy through externally performing and achieving ‘better’ than
others – so that I can ensure my own survival.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that my own survival will be at risk if I
do not live according to the belief and idea that I require to earn value
through externally achieving within the frames of what is being defined as ‘good’
by this society.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed my experience of myself to be conditioned and controlled
by how much and ‘how good’ I perceive myself to perform externally within my
day to day living, where I see and realize that I have allowed the
interpretation/perception/experience that I form as a response to what I have
managed to get done, and the apparent quality of what I have done, within a day
to completely determine how I feel about myself in the context of whether I see
myself as valuable/worthy or not – and I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to just blindly and automatically accept and allow the
experience, perception and belief that comes up within the mind as a response
to how ‘effective’ I apparently am or am not within a moment/situation/day –
instead of seeing and realizing that just because I have made an assessment and
created an opinion in relation to my effectiveness or the quality of what I
have done, where I see it as though I am not aligned with the demands and
expectations I have of myself, it still does not mean that it is legitimate to
judge myself as less worthy or not good enough – but that I have within this
allowed myself to give value to the belief that I somehow get a free pass to
judge myself as inadequate within situations/moments/periods where I practically
assess my performance/participation and conclude that my participation is in
some way not aligned with the definition I have in relation to what is ‘good’.
- In this I commit myself to assist
and support myself when and as I see that I am forming a perception or
experience as a response to my external participation and in relation to the ‘effectiveness’
or quality of what I do – and in where I within this no more accept and allow
myself to continue my participation within judgment but instead I bring myself
back to here, to breathing – where I see and realize that what I do does not
determine my value or worth – and so therefor I commit myself to slow myself
down and realign/correct my starting-point to instead support myself within
what I am doing, where I within my awareness move with me, with breath and so
value myself as life instead of placing my value into what I manage to do –
since I see and realize through doing so I will merely trap myself within a
struggle between superiority and inferiority.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that others will expect me to always achieve perfect
results within what I externally participate within due to thinking and
believing that if others expect something specific of me, then I have to live
up to that – not seeing or realizing how I have just automatically given value
to and taken for granted that others expectations are something I must live up
to, unquestionably – without seeing and realizing that just because I perceive
it as though others have expectations in
relation to what I manage to do and what not, does not automatically mean that
I have to ‘satisfy’ their belief and align myself and my living according to
their expectations – that I can and have the responsibility to actually decide
over my own life and living – where I must be the one that decides what I will
prioritize in my life and what not. And within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to fear deciding over my own life in relation
to actually taking self-responsibility through directing and deciding what I
will prioritize – due to thinking and believing that ‘people will think less of
me’ if I do not live up to the definition of being a ‘high achiever’ and ‘someone
who works really hard and am self-disciplined’.
- And so within this I forgive myself
that I have not ever, within or throughout my life, accepted and allowed myself
to ask myself; what do I want to do, what do I need – and what is most
important for me? – but have instead always accepted and allowed myself to push
myself to attempt and try to align who I am with what I perceive others to
expect of me – in where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to completely forget about me, about who I want to be in my relationship with
myself – and have instead just blindly accepted and allowed myself to
prioritize and fear others expectations and definitions of me – as though
others expectations/my perception of others expectations should be my map, my
guide in relation to what I do and do not do.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping my participation within
a life which is constituted and shaped according to my perception of others
expectations due to thinking and believing that if I do not continue pushing
myself to live up to others possible expectations then I will disappoint others
and be seen as someone who does not ‘live up to my own capacity’ – not seeing
or realizing that; yes, sure – everyone could actually achieve perfect external
results, but this is about what one decides to prioritize, and I see that I am compromising
my self-support and my relationship with myself due to letting my priority, my driving-force
and starting-point within life be the perception I have of what others ‘expect
of me’ – where I am within this not taking self-responsibility through looking
at 1.What do I require/need to be stable 2.Who do I want to be and how do I
want to experience myself within my relationship with me? 3.What is needed/what
do I actually require to do to for me to survive within this system? – Because within
this I see, realize and understand that the strain I have manifested and placed
on myself are not based on practical consideration in relation to seeing that
it is needed for me to assure my survival within this world-system of money,
but rather based on my fear of what others may/might think of me – where I am
merely utilizing this point of ‘I have to push myself to make sure that I am
stable within this system’ as an excuse and justification for why I should
continue my existence within this program that I have set up for myself – where
I see and realize that the program I have manifested is based on fear of not
living up to others expectations/fear of not being seen as ‘good enough’ and thus
the desire to be seen as perfect, as successful, as hard-working etc. – and that
these two polarities of positivity and negativity, of desire and fear, are what
moves and directs me – where I realize that I am holding on to and perpetuating
the fear of what others may/might think of me if I do not live up to the definitions and expectations I perceive others to have of me through allowing myself to exist within desire to and towards external
validation and confirmation in regards to myself as being ‘good enough’, hard-working and a 'high-achiever'.
- Within this I commit myself to
assist and support myself through investigating this point in relation to how I
have constituted and founded my life and my relationship to what I externally
participate within – where I commit myself to, through my writings,
self-forgiveness and commitment-statements, open up and investigate what it is
that moves, directs and motivates me in relation to what I externally do, why I
do it and what I would actually require to support myself within my life, my
living, my relationship with me and so my survival within this system – where I
commit myself to realign and reinstruct myself to stop accepting and allowing
fear and desire to be what moves me within what I participate within and
instead take my life in my own hands where I live self-responsibility through
actually being the one who decides what is important and what is not important
when considering my self-support, my relationship with me and my stability
within the system - because within this I see, realize and understand that how I am currently living is not cool, is not supportive and is not something I would want to look back at later and realize that I actually could have lived in another way - but did not. Therefor I commit myself to walk through this construct and really in that give myself the opportunity to create a life for myself that I would really want, a life that I can look back at without regretting and asking myself; why didn't I live?
