An Epidemic of Chronic Boredom - Day 412

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life and living in relation to what I practically do within my daily participation as dull, boring, insignificant, unfulfilling, incomplete and unsatisfying – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and continuously just blindly and automatically allow the experiences of being unsatisfied, bored and unfulfilled to exist and take over when it comes up within me, as though ‘that is just the way it is and has to be’– without seeing and realizing that the ‘way it is’ is my creation, that both the experiences I have formed as responses to what I do within my practical living and the actual life I decide to live as what I participate within is all based on my decisions, on me deciding to be unsatisfied with what I do within my life but still just continue living as is due to convenience – wherein I see and realize that I require to actually take responsibility for my own life and living through, within self-honesty, look at, investigate and sort out the continuous experiences I have in relation to my living and within that make clear, direct decisions within my life.

• In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become rigid, strict, stiff, oppressive and restrained as who I am and within what I do practically – where I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live within the moment from the perspective of allowing some spontaneity and self-expression but have instead allowed myself to become completely constraint and restricted – where I see and realize that I have self-sabotaged for myself within my life and living through constantly and continuously thinking about the things that I ‘have to do’ and the responsibilities I have and where I have consequentially formed my daily living according to fear of not getting things done, on fear of not being enough and doing enough – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may/might think and the possibility of others becoming disappointed/angry/annoyed with my performance/effectiveness if or when I would not get ‘enough’ done within my day or not do the things that I perceive others to expect of/from me – and within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the one manipulating and sabotaging through accessing fear of others and fear of others possible opinions of me and what I do within my life - and within that letting such fear guide, move and direct me – instead of me, asking myself, what I require to be able to give myself the life that it is that I would really want for myself – because within this I see, realize and understand that this is actually my life – and how I choose to live is my decision alone – and, deciding to live within fear of not being who I think others want me to be and fear of not being ‘enough’ is not what I want for myself, is not what I want my life to be based on and driven by – and so I see, realize and understand that only I can change this and therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I am accessing fear of not being ‘enough’ in the eyes of others – where I within this stop my participation and ground myself here through breathing – where I take a stance to no more accepting and allowing myself to follow, comply with and allow fear of others to direct me within my life, within my daily decisions and within my practical participation – but instead I support myself through slowing myself down, making sure that my starting-point behind what I practically do is that of self-direction and self-movement.