- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my life and living in relation to
what I practically do within my daily participation as dull, boring,
insignificant, unfulfilling, incomplete and unsatisfying – and within this I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly and
continuously just blindly and automatically allow the experiences of being unsatisfied,
bored and unfulfilled to exist and take over when it comes up within me, as
though ‘that is just the way it is and has to be’– without seeing and realizing
that the ‘way it is’ is my creation, that both the experiences I have formed as
responses to what I do within my practical living and the actual life I decide
to live as what I participate within is all based on my decisions, on me
deciding to be unsatisfied with what I do within my life but still just
continue living as is due to convenience – wherein I see and realize that I
require to actually take responsibility for my own life and living through,
within self-honesty, look at, investigate and sort out the continuous
experiences I have in relation to my living and within that make clear, direct
decisions within my life.
- In this I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become rigid, strict,
stiff, oppressive and restrained as who I am and within what I do practically –
where I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live
within the moment from the perspective of allowing some spontaneity and
self-expression but have instead allowed myself to become completely constraint
and restricted – where I see and realize that I have self-sabotaged for myself within
my life and living through constantly and continuously thinking about the
things that I ‘have to do’ and the responsibilities I have and where I have
consequentially formed my daily living according to fear of not getting things
done, on fear of not being enough and doing enough – and I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others may/might think and the
possibility of others becoming disappointed/angry/annoyed with my
performance/effectiveness if or when I would not get ‘enough’ done within my
day or not do the things that I perceive others to expect of/from me – and
within this I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see
and realize that I am the one manipulating and sabotaging through accessing
fear of others and fear of others possible opinions of me and what I do within
my life - and within that letting such fear guide, move and direct me – instead
of me, asking myself, what I require to be able to give myself the life that it
is that I would really want for myself – because within this I see, realize and
understand that this is actually my life – and how I choose to live is my
decision alone – and, deciding to live within fear of not being who I think
others want me to be and fear of not being ‘enough’ is not what I want for
myself, is not what I want my life to be based on and driven by – and so I see,
realize and understand that only I can change this and therefor I commit myself
to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I am accessing
fear of not being ‘enough’ in the eyes of others – where I within this stop my
participation and ground myself here through breathing – where I take a stance
to no more accepting and allowing myself to follow, comply with and allow fear of
others to direct me within my life, within my daily decisions and within my
practical participation – but instead I support myself through slowing myself
down, making sure that my starting-point behind what I practically do is that
of self-direction and self-movement.
- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others or another will think or
believe that I am in some way dependent on, in need of or reliant on that
person – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to go into an immediate reaction of anger and aversion when and as I
perceive a pattern within another that indicates that that person thinks or
believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some way
dependent, in need of or reliant on that person – where I see and realize that
I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear to and towards becoming
dependent on or in some way count on another; from the perspective of expecting
something from another or expecting another to be here for me when I, in some
way, would require or be in need of assistance or support – as I within that
have linked and connected such dependency to undoubtedly and definitely getting
disappointed, deceived and let down – and where I thus turn this fear of
getting let down by another into anger, where I see and realize that I have
formed an automatic pattern wherein I push people away through anger, exclusion,
spitefulness and aversion as an attempt to protect myself from getting
disappointed, deceived or let down in the future – where I am projecting myself
into the future and accessing memories of my past wherein I experienced such
scenarios with the beings that supposed to be responsible for taking care of me
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that
I may or might, within a relationship with another being, create assumptions in
relation to expecting that the other being will be there for me, assist or help
me in situations or moments where I have formed the presumption that the other
being would respond through standing by my side when I am faced with something
that I perceive as difficult or hard to walk through and face on my own – and so within this fear accepting and
allowing myself to push people away through utilizing anger, spitefulness and
exclusion immediately when or if I perceive another to in some way show any
form of pattern that implies that the other person thinks or believes that I
expect something, am in need of or dependent on that being – and I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and assume
that if another person forms the idea and belief of me as being dependent on,
in need of or reliant on that person in any kind of way, then such idea and
belief would further result in the other being feeling obligated to assist and
support me – as though it is a duty rather than the other being actually
wanting to stand by my side and/or face and walk through something together
with me - and through this I see, realize and understand that I have formed
this pattern in where I react in anger, aversion, spitefulness and push people
away as a response within situations/moments wherein I interpret it as though
the other person’s starting-point and underlying reason for
assisting/supporting/standing by my side is based and founded on an experience
of obligation – where I see how the interpretation I form within the mind of
another person, feeling obligated to stand by my side will activate a program
and pattern within me where the intention is to show another that I absolutely
do not need no one and that I definitely do not expect another to be there for
me.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to project and superimpose anger onto
another if or when I perceive the person to show any form of pattern that I
perceive as an indication of that being thinking or believing that I expect
assistance or support in any kind of way – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to respond to such interpreted pattern through
excluding and ostracizing the other – and I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this anger that
comes up within me in situations where I perceive another to think or believe
that I expect something from or am dependent on that being, is actually
self-anger – because within this I see, realize and understand that these
instances/circumstances are triggering self-anger within me – where I become
angry with myself as a result of seeing that I have allowed myself to form expectations,
a dependency and attachment to another person – that I have allowed myself to ‘become
vulnerable’ from the perspective of accepting and allowing myself to get
influenced by who and how another person decides to be and so whether or not another
person decides to stand by my side when I am faced with and have to walk
through something difficult – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to be and become angry at and blame myself when I see myself
getting disappointed as a response to another person’s behavior and/or decision
of who to be in relation to that which I am faced with and have to walk through
– in where I see and realize that when I notice that I get influenced in any
kind of way due to another person’s decision of who to be as a response to who
I am or what I am faced with, I will immediately go into self-anger – due to
thinking and believing that letting myself get influenced by another person’s
behavior is an indication of me, accepting and allowing myself to not be independent
and strong enough but rather having allowed myself to become weak and stupid for expecting or wanting a
specific response from another person – where these situations become moments
where I am in a way telling myself ‘I told you so’ in spitefulness, where I
blame myself for not living according to the principle of ‘trust no one’.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and form a general idea about
people wherein I think and believe that others are not to be trusted, that
others will always betray, lie and leave, that allowing myself to assume or expect
something or anything from another will always with no exceptions lead to
disappointment, that I am not to count on or expect others to support or help
me when I require assistance, that I am not to think that others would want to
help me if I would to ask for assistance, that others will always leave or in
some way deceive, that allowing myself to in any way get attached to another is
the most dangerous thing I can expose myself to – and within this not seeing or
realizing how this indicates a total lack of self-trust, as I am within this
expecting and assuming that I cannot trust myself to be able to stand stable
within situations where I perceive others to betray, live, leave, let down,
deceive etc. – thus thinking and believing that I require to prevent myself
from ever exposing myself to such conditions – instead of seeing and realizing
that what I rather would require as a point of prevention is for me to
incorporate and really live self-trust and self-support – where I rather learn
and practically live within self-stability in my self-relationship, trusting
myself and so my capacity to face situations and have relationships with other
beings without having to fear others possible behaviors but rather stand within
myself, trusting myself and so realize that all I need is me, is my self-trust,
is my commitment to not disappoint myself or let myself down from the
perspective of not living self-care and thus supporting myself no matter
external circumstances/situations – wherein I see and realize that what I would
require is for me to really understand that what I for certainty can trust is
myself and my capacity to direct myself within a situation to support myself,
to make sure that I stand by my side, wherein I realize that another or others
behaviors or what another decides to do are not to be taken personally, as I
see and realize that a decision made by another is never in fact caused by me
and so not my responsibility.
- When and as I think
and believe that I see a pattern within another that indicates that the person thinks
or believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some
way dependent, in need of or reliant on that person and in where I see myself
reacting in fear and anger where I feel the urge to push the other away – I stop
and I breathe – in this I commit myself to slow myself down and take a moment
to ground myself here – wherein I stop my participation within anger and
realize that excluding, projecting anger and spitefulness outwards onto another
will not and cannot solve my internal experiences – because within this I see,
realize and understand that when anger emerges within me it is merely
indicating self-anger, and so therefor I no more accept and allow myself to
take such anger out on another but instead I commit myself to support myself
through standing as my self-awareness, where I re-instruct myself within the
moment and direct myself out of the pattern through first making sure that I
slow myself down through breathing and in that ground myself here, within
myself, where I take the decision to stand by my side, to support myself and to
realize that I do have me – and therefor I commit myself to always make sure
that I am here for me, that I stand here with me and in that practice on
accepting and embracing the support and assistance that others give, where I
realize that others supporting me is their decision – and as I realize that I
remain here by my side, with me, supporting myself, I further see that there is
no need in fearing and resisting others support or fearing that I may not be
able to trust the support – because no matter what, I make sure that I stand by
my side.
- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist stopping the pattern of
attempting and trying to decode other people’s personal preferences in regards
to who I perceive that I have to be or what sides/aspects of me that I have to
enhance and present of myself to be able to trigger, activate and generate
positive experiences, opinions and internal thoughts/back-chats within the
people/person that I am encountering – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I cannot just simply let
myself be me and express myself as who I am – but that I rather have to decode
and assess what other people will react and respond to within and with a positive
experience and thus align and mold myself accordingly – because being me is
apparently not enough – and as such I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to desire, want and need to attain the experiences of fitting in
and being approved of and accepted by others, wherein I have allowed who I am
when interacting with others to be and become influenced and conditioned by this
desire to be able to confirm that others approve of me as the ‘who I am’ –
instead of seeing and realizing that letting such desire, want and need to
guide and move me has really in fact lead me nowhere – in the sense of looking
at my underlying starting-point which is to get approved of, accepted and feel
as though I am ‘a good person’, someone that is appreciated, respected and
loved – and in that I realize that I am denying myself acceptance, self-approval, self-respect and
self-appreciation - that I am, through looking for such aspects/points
externally, stating that I refuse to
give these points to myself, to live these points for myself as parts and
points of me – and so I see and realize that for as long as I accept and allow myself
to deny myself that which I see myself require within my relationship to me
through searching for it outside of myself, I am at the same time making my
relationship to me, to who I am and to how I see myself dependent on external
factors which I really in fact CANNOT CONTROL – since I see and realize that
how others may/might react and respond to who I am does not, and cannot, define,
portray or depict who I really am – since what others think and feel about me would
rather represent who they are in relation to looking at their life-experiences
and memories – where I realize that who I am in other people’s minds will get
filtered through layers of memories, past events, inherited opinions, beliefs
and so on – since I see and realize that these are aspects, points and layers that
I see through as well, where I realize that when I react towards something within
positivity or negativity, then that is a result and outcome of how I have
created my mind through memories and past events – as such I realize that when and
how I internally react towards external circumstances and other people, is a
result of my own acceptances and allowances and that I am thus responsible –
and through that I also realize that how another reacts and responds to me, and
how others perceives/sees me, is not something I can control – as I have no
idea how others entire mind works – and within this I furthermore see and
realize that it is mind-reactions, not even the real person – so there is
really no reason for me to take it personally, fear certain reactions and
desire others – that the real solution here would rather be to investigate and
look at the aspect and points that I am searching for externally and so focus
on how I can incorporate and give myself such points – so that I within this
can stop letting my relationship with me be dependent and conditioned by
external points which I cannot control.
- When and as I see that I am
attempting and trying to decode and assess who I should be and present myself
as to be able to activate, trigger and generate positive
experiences/opinions/perceptions/ideas within the people/person that I am
interacting with – I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to be aware of
who I am when being/interacting with others and thus aware of the tendency of
attempting and trying to decode and assess who I should be to be able to
confirm and experience it as though others approve of, accept and validate who
I am – wherein I stop myself when I see myself activating this program through
the fear of ‘what others may think’ – and so re-instruct myself to take a
moment, breathe, and instead place my focus on being me – and in that I
furthermore commit myself to work on my relationship with me from the
perspective of stopping my participation within the search for external
confirmation and validation and instead investigate and explore how I can give
myself that which I see myself looking for externally, how and what I require
to be able to really accept myself – to in that make sure that I take
responsibility for standing stable within myself, accepting me, no matter how I
perceive others to respond/react to me – to in that break the dependency and enslavement
that I have formed towards external circumstances and instead focus on that
which I actually can control, that which I do have the ability, the capacity
and the responsibility to change – as the relationship I have with myself from
the perspective of what and why I deny myself that which I see myself require
to be able to stop the endless external search and dependency – because within
this I see and realize that being me, and actually accepting myself, is really
something that I would want within my life and within my relationship to me –
so, therefor I commit myself to, within this life, within my life, really embrace
the opportunity to live within equality and oneness with myself through giving
myself self-acceptance and self-respect – because where the pattern of
searching for such aspects outside of me has lead me is really just nowhere,
and will thus not lead to anything else in the future either – so therefor I
commit myself to explore and investigate where I can lead myself with taking my
life in my own hands and so decide to live self-acceptance for myself, to live
self-respect for myself, to stand with myself instead of against myself.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear the outcome and possible consequences of people not
forming a positive opinion, perception and idea of me – in where I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that my safety,
my life and I would be in danger and threatened if and when another person/people
would form opinions, ideas or perceptions of me that are based on negativity and
disapproval and that I thus have to protect myself, my life and my own safety
through making sure that who I am when being with or around others/another is
aligned with what that specific person/people prefer and approves of and so aligned
with what will activate and generate positive reactions and responses within
the beings/being that I am encountering – not seeing or realizing that I can in
no way control other people’s reactions or responses – because I see and
realize that people will react differently to different types of behaviors
within people – which then shows me that how a person reacts or respond to a
certain behavior or another being is merely a result of how that person has
created their mind, where the opinions and possible experiences are merely
products of memories – which I see within myself and so realize within myself,
that what I react to and how I react, what activates, triggers and generates
experiences and reactions and responses within me through external
circumstances and other people, are merely products and results of my past, my
memories in regards to what I have connected to certain conditions, behaviors,
words, pictures etc. wherein the things I’ll see and hear through others, through
their words and behaviors, are something that I have, within the mind, formed and
linked specific experiences, perceptions, ideas and opinions to and towards –
but it has nothing to do with the person/people I meet here and now, since the
opinions and experiences already exists within me – and they merely get
triggered and activated by certain conditions and situations as a result of the
memories that I have formed and linked to certain behaviors, words etc. – and so,
I see realize and understand that fearing other people’s minds, that fearing
the possibility of standing as a point or dimension that will trigger, activate
and generate negatively charged opinions, experiences and perceptions within
another/other people is really conditioning and compromising and limiting my
life and my relationship to me – where I see and realize that what I want for
myself within my life and within my relationship to me and my relationship with
others is for me to focus on BEING ME, on living the courage to stand for,
stand by and stand WITH who I am in the sense of assisting and supporting
myself to be stable within myself, and so trust myself within who I AM in every
moment – that living my life in fear of how others entire mind works is very,
very silly, as I see and realize that I cannot control others reactions since
reactions and opinions and responses are merely outflows and outcomes of the
person’s past and memories and their history, childhood and so what they have
been presented with within their lives – and I realize that who I am will be
seen through a veil and layer that are based on the beings past as their inhabited
preferences and the specific connections they have formed and linked between
behaviors/words and internal responses/experiences.
- And so therefor I commit myself to
assist and support myself in practical reality when I am encountering or
participating with other beings through being aware of the tendency I have of
going into fear of not pleasing and getting approval from others due to the
belief and idea that my safety, my life and I am at risk if the self-image that
I present in some way activates, triggers or generates negatively charged opinions,
perceptions and experiences within another or other people – and so within that
I commit myself to practically support myself when and as I see myself going
into fear of other people’s possible reactions/experiences/opinions and so the
urge to mold, adjust and change myself to protect myself and ensure that I do
not contribute to activating negatively charged experiences within another –
where I within this stop and breathe, where I see and realize that I cannot
control other people’s reactions or the process behind what triggers reactions,
opinions and experiences within another’s mind – and within that I also realize
that it’s the mind’s reaction, not even the real person – therefor I commit
myself to direct myself out of the fear, bring myself back to here where I
stand up within myself and decide to focus on BEING ME, and so, within moments
where I see that I am accessing fear of triggering reactions that are based on
negativity within other people’s minds I re-instruct myself to stop my
participation in fear and instead focus on being me, where I no more accept and
allow myself to live my life in fear of how others entire mind works but to
instead establish and live the courage to be me and so trust myself and my
capacity to stand up for myself, as I realize that I now have the capacity to
protect and stand up for myself, thus I do not require or need to fear other’s
negatively charged internal experiences.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear not being aligned with how other people would prefer
and want me to be in the context of who I am, how I behave and how I look –
wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and
try to mold, shape and adjust myself as the totality of who I am depending on
who I am encountering, where I just instantaneously and automatically go into
this pattern of adjusting, changing, molding and shaping myself with the
starting-point of wanting, needing and desiring to attain the perception and
interpretation of being someone that satisfies and pleases the
person’s/people’s personal preferences in regards to what they appreciate, like
and what activates and generates positive reactions and feelings within the
individuals that I am facing.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by others/another person – wherein
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being faced
with situations or moments where I perceive that who I am activates and
generates negatively charged thoughts and experiences within another being –
and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and
believe that if I am rejected by another person/others or am activating
negatively charged experiences or thoughts within another then that would mean,
and be an evidence of the fact that I am not good enough and that who I am is
not a worthwhile person – where I will thus allow myself to attempt and try to
mold and shape myself so that I can avoid and prevent others from forming
perceptions and opinions of me that are based on negativity due to thinking and
believing that if I fail to make a ‘positive impression’ but instead activates
and generates negative responses/reactions within others then I will
consequentially HAVE TO feel inadequate, humiliated, less than, worthless,
useless, self-hate and so on.
- I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that I am taking the
decision to utilize my perception of being rejected by others to confirm the
judgments and opinions that I already have of myself in regards to being
inadequate, less than, worthless, useless etc. – wherein such opinions and
definitions does already exist within me through my acceptances and allowances
in my relationship to myself – and that that is the only reason for why I would
fear being rejected by others – because within this I see, realize and
understand that if I would not have any negatively charged experiences and thoughts
about myself within myself, that if I would not allow any form of self-judgment,
then I would not be able to make such connection within the mind in relation to
gauging my self-worth and self-value according to the perception I form of what
reactions/thoughts/experiences I generate and activate within others – and I
see and realize that what I see in others are merely reflections of myself, of
my own experiences of me - of my own
self-relationship, wherein I see and realize that I am, every single day,
rejecting myself, activating and generating negatively charged thoughts and
experiences about myself – wherein I am the one that do not respect and
accept myself and have consequentially thus placed such responsibility on others
and so also given away the decision of who I am through accepting and allowing
myself to define and decide who I am based on what I think and believe others
to think and feel about me, what I think, believe and perceive myself to
activate and generate within others – and I forgive myself that I have, for so
long, for too long, accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to create and
become a self, as I am, that would be seen as acceptable and adequate for
others where I never allowed myself to let go of the idea and belief that I can
only accept myself and respect myself and love myself when I am confirmed as
good enough by others, when I can confirm that I have removed the possibility
of activating negatively charged thoughts and experiences within others – not seeing
or realizing that this possibility will inevitably exist as a possible outcome
within my mind for as long as I allow myself to define and gauge my self-worth
according to how I think and believe others to see and feel about me, because I
cannot remove the possibility of activating negatively charged thoughts and
experiences within myself as a response to the perception I form of my external
world’s response to me through changing who I am externally – that for as long
as I allow myself to judge and form negative opinions of me I will
consequentially see such judgments and opinions within others as reflections of
what I internally accept and allow.
- And so I see and realize that to
stop fearing rejection within my world I require to stop rejecting myself
through thoughts, words and deeds – I require to bring this point back to me
and instead of trying to change and mold myself as an attempt to align myself
with others personal preferences as what and who they prefer others to be, I
have to focus on the real problem here – which is what I accept and allow
within me, what I accept and allow myself to define and judge and hate myself
for and why it is that I just do not want to stop hating and judging and
bullying myself, what is the secret agenda here? What is it that I want to
achieve? Because I realize that I can, in every moment, take that decision to
stop, to stop projecting my self-judgments onto others, to stop finding excuses
for why I am inadequate, to stop manipulating myself into thinking and believing
that it is legitimate and justifiable for me to hate and judge and blame myself
if I have managed to interpret it as though the initial rejection or
disapproval came from another or others. And so why wouldn’t I stop this? Why would
I want to continue?
- And so therefor I commit myself to
really investigate, open up and look at this construct in regards to the value
I place into the perception I form of what others think and feel about me, in
regards to the desire, want and need to activate and generate certain thoughts
and experiences within others and in regards to the fear of triggering
negatively charged emotions and thoughts within others – where I see and
realize that what I think that I am generating, activating and triggering
within another/others are merely just a reflection of what I think and feel
about myself, what I allow myself to generate and activate within me – and so I
commit myself to stop projecting, to stop separating myself from me through
fearing others rejection and experiences of me to instead see and realize that
what I do fear is how I experience myself as a response to the perception I
form of what others think and experience – and the opinions I believe others to
form of me are just revealing and showing me the opinion I allow to exist within
me of myself – and therefor, through my writings, self-forgiveness and
self-correction, I commit myself to walk through this, to face this me that I
have created myself as and in that bring all the pieces back to me in the sense
of taking self-responsibility for what I accept and allow within my relationship
with me and so no more accept and allow myself to mold and shape myself to
attempt and try to avoid and prevent rejection but to instead make sure that I
stop rejecting myself, that I stop judging and blaming and hating myself and within
that see and realize that the reason for why I would fear external rejection is
due to self-rejection in thoughts, words and deeds.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to fear that others will succeed in ways and within areas
where I perceive myself to have failed within or am unable to succeed within –
due to thinking and believing that if another person can succeed and manage to
obtain a better result than me within areas that I participate within, then
that must mean that I am not ‘as good as that person’ but am rather less than
and inadequate – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to compare the perception I have of my external
performances/accomplishments to others, where I within that have allowed myself
to create a pattern of constant comparison and competition in the sense of
believing that who I am, and so my self-worth, is determined and measured by
whether or not I perceive others to be better than me within areas that I
participate within as well.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that the image I present of myself to the
world will be deteriorated and degraded if and when I perceive someone else to
be better than me or more successful than me within areas of which I
participate within as well.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have not ever within or throughout my life accepted and allowed myself to
question this pattern of self-interest as how I exist and live within this
world in relation to others, where all I have come to care about is presenting
an acceptable image of myself to the world – and within this I forgive myself
that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question and ask myself why – in
the sense of looking at and investigating how and why I believe that presenting
an acceptable image of myself to the world would matter or determine who I am - I mean; here I am
busy separating myself from all and everyone through a continuous pattern of
competition, where I essentially want others to fail just so that I can portray
myself as more successful within the mind, but – why? What purpose does that
serve?
- And so within this I commit myself
to, through my writings and my self-forgiveness, start to investigate, look at
and question the patterns I have formed in relation to feeling the need to
portray and present an acceptable image of myself to the world – where I see and realize that I do not even understand my own
creation fully, where I exist within an obsession in regards to the results I
obtain externally in the sense of fearing failure and desiring to be better
than others within what I do – but in where I have never really asked myself
why, since – no matter what I ‘accomplish’ externally I have still always
feared failure and especially in the context of perceiving myself to not be as
good as others, due to thinking and believing that if I do not manage to
portray an acceptable image of myself to the world then that must mean that I
am inadequate – and so to within this look at the pattern of competing with
others, where I realize that the construct serve no purpose but is merely
perpetuating my existence within separation from others – and am thus
separating myself from me through comparing myself with points and aspects that
are outside of me – instead of actually establishing a relationship with me
where I live self-acceptance and in that expand and grow within what I do
without utilizing the points of comparison and competition, but rather move
myself and so stand with others in assisting and supporting myself and so
others to expand, develop and grow.
