- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must not, and have ‘no
right to’, come across as self-confident in class and on upcoming exams after
not having done well on the latest exam – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that others and the teacher will perceive
it as though I am not aware of how bad I performed in my latest exam or that
people/the teacher will perceive it as though I am not ashamed of my bad performance
if I come across as confident.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be ashamed of
my most recent performance within the previous exam to show myself and others/the
teacher that ‘I am better than that’ and that I am punishing myself through
being ashamed, that I am disciplining myself through being hard on myself and
blaming myself – where I feel the need to show and state that I am not proud of
my former performance, that I do not in any way accept such bad performance,
through acting and going into the experience of shame and self-criticism – where
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to
show the teacher how ‘bad I feel’ and how I in no way accept such bad results –
that I in no way accept myself when I have performed ‘so lousy’ – and within
that accepting and allowing my continued participation within school to suffer
and get conditioned through accepting and allowing myself to fear acting and
coming across in any other way than as being ashamed and embarrassed, where I
see and realize that I am empowering and generating the experiences of being
unconfident, self-doubtful, nervous and anxious which are experienced that will
really not help me within my participation in my upcoming exam – as I have seen
and realized that these experiences will rather prevent me from actually
showing my capacity and I am within this merely trapping myself as I see and
realize that accepting and allowing myself to be unconfident and self-doubting
does inevitably lead to a lesser capacity to perform well and allowing such
experiences are thus deliberate self-sabotage – and I mean; am I willing to
lower my grade even more just because I fear coming off as confident when I
believe that I should be ashamed?
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being hard on myself and
blaming myself whenever I perceive my external
performances/achievements/participation to be imperfect or not good enough
indicates that I am ‘self-aware’ and that it makes me ‘a better person’ since I
am at least then apparently aware of my inadequacies and showing/stating to
others and so to myself that I do not accept this from myself, that I am not
unaware of, stand for or am proud of myself and my
performances/participation/achievements - where I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define being hard on myself
as something that is positive and a good thing that makes me ‘a good person’ –
not seeing or realizing how being hard on myself and blaming myself has never
in fact lead me to becoming better at what I externally do or helped me
performing better – since I within this become so preoccupied with blaming and
being hard on myself that I consequentially prevent myself from really trusting
myself and so standing within and as self-confidence when being faced with a
situation wherein my capacity is being ‘tested’.
- And so I see, realize and understand
that to be able to do my best within my upcoming exam I require to direct
myself out of shame and self-blame and so instead decide to stand as
self-confidence and self-trust, where I see and realize that I am only able to
do my actual best when I do not allow a simultaneous internal fight and
conflict – because when I allow myself to participate within shame and being
hard on myself I am literally fighting with myself where what I would need is
to work and walk with me – and therefor
I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation through making
sure that I move myself out of self-doubt and do not accept and allow myself to
be hard on myself due to perceiving myself to having performed lousy in my
latest exam – but to instead let go of and give myself a clear and new
opportunity where I do not accept and allow the belief of myself as being a
better person and/or coming off as more aware if I am appearing as ashamed and
disappointed at myself to influence and control my participation within my upcoming
exam. Instead I commit myself to support myself when I see that I am being hard
on myself through immediately directing myself back to here where I commit
myself to walk with myself in and as who I am, here – where I see and realize
that it is only me blaming myself, and that this will not help me in any kind
of way and so therefor I re-instruct myself to stand on my own side in the
sense of not accepting and allowing myself to continue this pattern of
following and complying with the need to be seen as ‘a good person’ for
recognizing my apparent inadequacies – but instead I focus on being here,
standing with me and so doing my best through moving myself out of self-blame
and back to here through breathing – where I commit myself to give myself this
opportunity to explore and investigate how it would be like to no more accept
and allow self-blame to influence and control me.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that I do not deserve to care for
myself and accept myself if or when I perceive or experience it as though
others to not care for or accept me – and within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to adjust my self-support and compromise my
self-relationship through letting the perception I form within the mind in
regards to what others ‘give me’ to be the determining factor for how I see
myself and so how I decide to treat myself in thought, word and deed – where I
furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for
others to show me care and acceptance instead of giving myself self-care and
self-acceptance unconditionally – and within this I see, realize and understand
that I have formed an inherent belief and automatic pattern in relation to how
I see myself and so treat myself, where I think and believe that I have to earn
care and acceptance from others to be permitted to accept and care for myself.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is shameful to care
for and accept myself if or when I have formed a perception within the mind of
others not accepting me or caring for me – and so within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and oppose caring for and
accepting myself if or when I do not experience or interpret it as though
others care for/accept me due to accepting an experience of shame to decide for
me, where I see and realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to fully
trust and give value to an experience of shame without ever having considered
or questioned the belief of it being shameful to care for and accept oneself –
but instead just immediately, automatically and instantaneously accepted shame
to decide for me.
- And so I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of going into self-anger and self-hatred
when and as I form an idea or perception of others not caring for or accepting
me, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think
and believe that it would be shameful and completely wrong for me to care for
myself and accept myself when or if others don’t – due to thinking and
believing that “I am not to think that I am anything special or important or
worthy” – and so especially not in situations where I interpret or perceive it
as though other people see me this way.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind and torment myself through
back-chatting about how worthless and useless I am as an automatic response to
situations/moments wherein I have formed the perception of not being accepted
by others/another or experiencing it as though others/another is neglecting me –
wherein I automatically and immediately just follow, listen to and comply with
whatever comes up within the mind due to thinking and believing that it is
legitimate and justifiable for me to judge myself as worthless and useless, and
thus not care for and accept myself but rather neglect and punish myself, if or
when I perceive others not to accept or care about me – and I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would give
myself something that I do not deserve if I would to accept and care for myself
in moments where others do not care about or accept me – and so within this
allowing myself to use the slightest indication of disapproval, neglect or lack
of care within another to trigger the construct of self-shame, where I just
automatically accept and allow myself to go into the belief of myself as not
being worthy of acceptance and care and thus consequentially neglecting and
bullying myself within the mind – instead of seeing and realizing that I am the
one deciding to give value to the belief of myself as not deserving acceptance
and care whenever I perceive others to neglect me in any kind of way, where I furthermore
realize that I am actually constantly and continuously anticipating and
expecting others to neglect and disapprove of who/how I am and within that am
consequentially perceiving and reacting to everything within another with this
self-belief veiling reality – and so within this I realize that the underlying
point here is merely based on my own self-neglect and self-disapproval, where I
allow myself to see myself as worthless and useless – and as a consequence I am
anticipating and expecting others to form this idea about me, wherein I have
manipulated myself into thinking and believing that if it is another who says
that I am worthless then it is OK for me to think and believe that about myself
– where that has thus become the belief which I will use to continue existing
within and making it legitimate for me to see myself as worthless. But I mean,
why would I believe that it is just completely OK for me to see myself as
worthless and useless if I perceive it to come from outside of me? Why would I
allow myself to just automatically go into shame when I perceive others to
neglect or disapprove of me – when I can within that decide to stand up for
myself and so not take it personally but instead choose to accept and care for
myself, I mean this is about my life, my relationship to me – and so why
compromise that through letting my perceptions and beliefs about what others
may/might think of me to decide how I see myself and so how I experience myself
within?
- I commit myself to assist and
support myself through my writings and self-forgiveness to open up and
investigate the construct I have formed in relation to utilizing my perception
of others experiences/thoughts about me to decide how I treat and see myself –
to in that further look at and stop the automatic pattern of going into shame and
the belief that I do not deserve to accept and care for myself if I perceive it
as though another neglect/disapprove of me. And within this I furthermore
commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I am
going into shame, as the situations where I believe others to neglect/disapprove
of me – where I within that stop and so take a moment to breathe – where I stop
the automatic response of self-blame and instead start to question what comes
up – where I no more accept and allow myself to just automatically and instantaneously
go into and give value to whatever comes up within the mind – but instead start
to question it, investigating it and so show myself that I can make the
decision not to go into it, not to trust or give value to it – but instead stop
and breathe, where I realize that only I can decide who I am and so what I
allow within – and so within that awareness I decide to realign my
self-relationship to establish unconditional self-acceptance and self-care, to
within that release myself from the dependency that I have formed to/towards
what I believe and expect others to think of me – since that does not matter –
because I still have the ultimate responsibility for who and how I am, within
and without.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to, within the state of my beingness which is based on
negativity, constantly and continuously anticipate and expect the worst in the
sense of internally/mentally preparing myself for failure and despondency – and
so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to
constitute and base my relationship to my external world and reality on the
imaginations I form within the mind in relation to the worst possible outcome
and scenario – where I have accepted and allowed myself to, within and
throughout my life, think and believe that through utilizing and existing
within this construct/relationship to my external world/reality I am in a way
‘prepared’ and geared for all the worst possible outcomes/situations that
may/might emerge within my reality – and within this accepting and allowing the
imagination to be and become the driving-force behind my external participation,
where I just automatically give value to and trust the expectations and
anticipations that comes up within the mind and in that not seeing or realizing
how I am through this actually perpetuating the reverberating negativity, where
I am accepting and allowing negativity to permeate and influence my
relationship to me and so my relationship to this world as a whole – and so within this I see, realize and
understand that I am accepting and allowing myself to generate and perpetuate this
state of negativity through accepting and allowing myself to exist within a
construct where I give value to, trust and follow the imaginations where I anticipate
and expect ‘the worst’ – and how I am within this not actually ‘preparing’ for ‘the
worst’ but am instead creating and manifesting a constant experience of things
being ‘impossible’, where I am actually not even giving myself the opportunity
to just do what I see needs to be done but am instead already before preparing myself
for failure, which in itself will create failure – because within this I see, realize
and understand that when I have allowed myself to ‘make up my mind’, in the
sense of accepting the imaginations that comes up as expectations of an
outcome, I have already created and manifested that outcome and will
consequentially manifest it within my practical reality – where I see and
realize that I am creating and accepting limitations through forming an
expectation within the mind in relation to the result of things.
- Therefor I commit myself to assist
and support myself within situations and moments where I am faced with a
task/responsibility or see something that I must do and when I notice that back-chats
such as; “I won’t make it” starts to come up within the mind, I immediately
stop and take a deep breath, in where I slow myself down within the moment and
in that stand as the directive principle of me – in where I take the decision
to no more accept and allow myself to create and manifest limitations through
forming and trusting a belief of myself as ‘not being able to make it’ – but instead
I stabilize myself here until no energy is moving me – but where I instead take
a stance to move myself, where I furthermore commit myself to live self-trust
through practically do what I see needs to be done and within that realize that
I can only do my best – but that when and as I accept and allow myself to
anticipate failure I am actually self-sabotaging through creating and
manifesting that limitation as something that I accept as a part of me – and therefor
I no more accept and allow myself to limit myself through trusting imaginations
in relation to whether I will manage to do things or fail, but instead I bring
myself back to here and so trust myself and my capacity to be here and so do my
best in every moment.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed my whole approach to/towards my practical participation within school
and to/towards my daily responsibilities to be and become permeated and
infiltrated by an internal sensation of negativity – where I forgive myself
that I have, within and throughout my life, accepted and allowed negativity to
be and become a constant underlying sensation within me in where I continuously
am attempting and trying to balance that negativity out through pushing myself
harder within what I participate in – thinking and believing that I will be
satisfied and at ease if only I become better at what I do, if only I become
perfect and do not have to put so much effort into school, if only I become
soooooo good that it will just ‘come natural’ – lol. And so within this I see,
realize and understand that I have formed and manifested an approach and
attitude towards my life in where I am in a way thinking and believing that the
state of negativity and underlying sensation of ‘not being satisfied’ is
somehow based on and linked to how hard I must work, how much effort I require
to put into things and how ‘being perfect and attaining perfect results in my
practical participation’ does not come ‘natural’ to me – and in where I am
utilizing these beliefs to move and push myself – believing that I will be
satisfied and at ease only when ‘things come natural to me’ in the context of not
having to ‘work hard’ but instead just kind of like having ‘an easy life’.
- And so within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to counteract and
balance out the inherent state of my beingness which is based on negativity
through, without even seeing or being aware of it, constantly search and look
for the polarity of positivity to cover up and suppress this reverberating
negativity – where I have accepted and allowed myself to search for this
positivity and attempted to become satisfied with my life and so with myself
through pushing myself to become better at what I externally participate within
– not seeing or realizing how I am and have always been trying to escape the
internal constant negativity through searching for an experience of being
satisfied with life and with myself outside of me – not seeing or realizing how
I am merely within this separating myself from me, because in this I have just
unconditionally and unquestionably accepted and absorbed the inherent sensation
and state of negativity where I thus continuously anticipate and assume that
things will be hard and tough for me, that I have to work really hard all the
time and that I require to be ’prepared for failure’.
- In this I furthermore forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and daily participation
complicated, difficult and a burden through just allowing myself to assume and
anticipate that things will be hard – not seeing or realizing that I can
actually decide for myself how I will approach things, that existing within a
constant state of negativity will not, and cannot, actually help me in any way
– and so I see, realize and understand that I require to take my life in my own
hands and in that stop this state of my beingness, to stop the sensation of
negativity and in that furthermore stop the continuous attempt to cover it up
through attempting to attain the positive polarity of ‘becoming satisfied’
through looking and searching outside of me.
- I commit myself to assist and
support myself in situations and moments where I see that the sensation of
negativity emerges within me, where I see that it is most prominent within
moments where I am faced with tasks/responsibilities/school-work, and in where
I thus become aware of such moments and my approach towards it – in where I
assist and support myself through stopping and breathing when I see that my
starting-point and attitude towards what I am doing is based on negativity and
in that I ground myself here – in where I make sure that I do not accept or
allow the negativity to move me or direct me and in where I commit myself to
not accept or allow myself to attempt/try to cover the sensation of negativity
up by searching and looking for positivity within what I externally participate
within – but to instead be here, alive, in where I take the decision to move myself –
and within this giving myself the opportunity to simply just be here, face,
approach and walk through my daily responsibilities/tasks/school-work with me
being the directive principle of myself and thus no more accepting and allowing
negativity to be the state of who I am.
