How to Find Motivation When You'd Rather Give up - Day 397

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become completely dependent on perceiving it as though it is possible for me to attain the highest grade as an end-result of my participation within a specific subject for me to be able to motivate myself into studying - in the sense of seeing studying as something that is worthwhile and enjoyable – wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become unmotivated and resisting studying after having messed up an exam, wherein I all of a sudden would feel as though there is no use because I have already missed my chance of attaining an A as my final grade – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think “what’s the use” – where I would allow myself to physically and practically become that statement, where I find myself unable to motivate and move myself to study, which I see and realize is a result and indication of having formed a starting-point for studying which was never completely based on a self-movement but rather on having formed the idea of it being possible for me to attain the highest grade.

• Within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel as though I just want to give up, where I see and realize that my motivation for studying is merely based on the perception I have formed of it being possible for me to attain an A in my final grade, wherein that dependency would result in an experience of being unmotivated when and as I saw myself losing that prospect.

• And so I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed everything that I do, and my motivation for actually moving and pushing myself within what I decide to do, to be dependent on and determined by the perception I form of what I am able to attain through my participation – wherein I realize that I will actually merely feel motivated to participate when I have formed the perception of it being possible for me to attain a great result, and so whenever I perceive it as impossible for me to attain a great result I don’t see any purpose to participate – and I realize that this applies to pretty much everything within my reality, where my interpretation of the possible outcome will determine how motivated I feel to participate.

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to live self-movement within what I do and decide to participate within, but have instead accepted and allowed my perception of the possible outcome to determine how motivated I feel – not seeing or realizing how this is extremely self-limiting, as I become dependent on attaining an experience and belief in regards to seeing an opportunity of possibly attaining an experience of ‘being great’ within what I am doing or going to do for me to actually move myself and enjoy what I do – and so letting my starting-point be permeated with the interpretation I have formed of the possible outcome, and so already before starting something will assess what the outcome may/might be – projecting myself into the future and so preventing myself from moving myself, moment by moment, in self-direction.  

• I commit myself to assist and support myself within my school-participation to not ever accept and allow the experience of being unmotivated and the back-chat “what’s the use” to control and direct me into not studying – and so when I see that the back-chat “what’s the use” emerges within the mind, where an experience of not being motivated comes up, I stop and I breathe – where I commit myself to stop my participation and within that take a stance to move myself out of the mind, where I do not listen and do not trust the mind to tell me what to do but instead I move myself, I take that opportunity to show myself capable of directing myself – and so I take responsibility through re-instructing and re-asserting myself within that moment to become the directive principle of me, where I re-align my starting-point to be ‘I move myself’ and thus practice on that in every moment where I see what needs to be done, and so I move myself to study, I practically sit down and focus, and whenever I see the mind interfere I take a moment to breathe, slow myself down and so move myself back to here and place my attention on practical, physical reality – to in that stop the dependency of experience and ideas about the outcome for me to be able to move myself within what I am doing – to instead make sure that no matter what the outcome may/might be I make sure that I do what needs to be done and so do my best, where I thus remind myself of the fact that this is what matters – as the point of who I am within what I am doing, that this is what shows me WHO I AM and is thus what will form my relationship with myself – because within this I see, realize and understand that who I am within my relationship with me is what gets influenced and determined by who I am within what I am doing, where I realize that I am not trustworthy, that I cannot trust myself really, if I do not show myself and walk my capacity, ability and responsibility to be the directive principle of me – and so, when I see that I experience myself as unmotivated and want to kind of like just ‘give up’ – I remind myself of this, I remind myself of the fact that what I am giving up on is me, is myself, is my integrity and my self-responsibility – that this has nothing to do with school at all but that it is rather about who I decide to be, what I decide to influence and control me – and I do not accept and allow my relationship with me to be and become deteriorated due to me, not taking self-responsibility through making sure that I MOVE myself, but instead I see the moments where I feel unmotivated as opportunities for me to show myself real strength, real self-respect and real self-movement through taking my life in my own hands and so decide to move myself from within to the without and thus replace the experience of attaining motivation from external factors, such as attaining the perception of it being possible for me to attain good results, with a movement as motivation from within, where I move myself as motivation from the within to the without.

When The Best Student Fails - Day 395

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into absolute self-defeat while doing the final exam due to not being capable of answering all of the questions and so accessing and becoming preoccupied by fear of failure – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of failure as an automatic response when coming across a question that I did not understand/did not know the correct answer to – wherein I would thus remain in that experience of fear that the first instance of not knowing the answer to a question set off, and so brought that experience with me throughout the entire exam – consequentially fearing every single upcoming question due to already having created a definition of myself as a failure caused by that first instance as the question that I saw myself being unable to answer correctly.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into stress and anxiety when struggling with a question due to the limited amount of time that I had – wherein I would thus self-sabotage through looking at the watch and within that go into the mind thinking ‘shit, common –fuck I am so slow’ where I essentially just created a point of total black-out as a consequence of going into the mind, judging myself and inflicting stress – which I see, realize and understand merely made it more difficult as I would within that rather make myself ineffective since I was so busy participating within another dimension within the mind instead of actually being here, with me, working with myself to figure the equation out – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that judging and being hard on myself will push me into working harder and faster – not seeing or realizing that every time I accept and allow myself to participate within stress, fear and anxiety I am only making it harder for myself since I am basically attempting to fight myself into managing to work harder and faster – which results in internal conflict/friction that prevents me from focusing on the only point that is here, which is the question/equation – where I see and realize that what I would require is to actually stand with myself and so work with me instead of against me.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself into two separate entities within the mind through accessing fear, stress and self-anger as a response to perceiving myself not to work hard and fast enough throughout the exam and so within that creating yet another point within me of desire to succeed – and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear of failure and desire to succeed as two separate points and dimensions of which I utilize to motivate and push myself within an exam – instead of seeing and realizing how this merely limits me from seeing what is here in self-stability and so support myself to walk through the exam moment by moment, breath by breath – because within that my starting-point is based on fear and desire rather than me, being here, walking what needs to be walked.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a perception of the final exam as the most important thing in the world, where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own future and so take it to an extreme through making the possibility of getting a bad grade seem way greater than what it is in practical reality – but within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed manipulation in terms of going into the mind and convincing myself that this whole semester has been worthless and useless, that all the time I have spent studying and stressing about has been for nothing due to now understanding that I will lower my final grade.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to judge and blame myself as inadequate due to not nailing the final exam, wherein I would thus go into a point of grief, as though a part of me died with that final exam – which basically is what happened, because within this I see, realize and understand that I had formed a definition of myself based on always nailing the exams thus far, and while being faced with the final exam I realized that that would not be the case this time – which would then trigger such experience of grief/loss – and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear receiving the grade on my final exam due to understanding that the teacher will have to ask me what the hell went wrong – and so I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the teacher’s feedback due to having allowed myself to take the result of my performance personally and thus within that understanding that the teacher will point out that I have never performed this bad before – not seeing or realizing that, yes, the teacher will point this out and will most likely get quite surprised by the result to say the least, but that does not mean that I have  to take it personally, it does not mean that I have to blame and judge myself, as who I am, according to the feedback.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an emotional attachment to ‘bad grades’ and ‘failure’ – where I react to everything except nailing the exam in absolute despair and shame – instead of within that seeing and realizing that reacting to it in despair and shame cannot assist or support me in any way, but that I am merely feeding and empowering the point of accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the grades even more.

I’ll continue on this point tomorrow.

How to Unleash Your Inner Genius - Day 378

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into, trust, give value to and stay within a thought of ‘I don’t get it’ when and as I am studying and perceive myself to be unable to fully grasp the material that I am walking through or when I do not immediately understand how to tackle an equation – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an energetic reaction of anxiety, fear and frustration to the thought ‘I don’t get it’ – where I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that when I stay in that ‘I don’t get it’, then I won’t actually get it because I am within that accepting and allowing a thought and reaction to blind me from seeing that it’s all here – that I’ve got it and that it is here in me and as me – that the only thing that is preventing me from accessing the information is just a thought and reaction – where I see, realize and understand that I am limiting myself through trusting a thought and through reacting to that thought, instead of within such moments trust myself, slow myself down and breathe where I simply just take in the information.

• I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that the thought ‘I don’t get it’ cannot help me in any way but will rather just limit me from really seeing what is here and realizing that I do get it – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed that thought to get in the way, in the sense of accepting and allowing myself to place my trust within and believe a thought to tell me who I am and what I am capable of – instead of seeing and realizing that it is just a thought and reaction – which means that it is when I accept and allow myself to stay in that thought and trust that thought to tell me who I am that I won’t get it – because through accepting and allowing myself to participate within such thought and so the reaction, I give my consent to the mind to tell me who I am within a moment – instead of, within such situations, re-instruct myself and get that thought out of the way so that I can see that I do actually get it, I just have to slow myself down and so allow myself to take in the information.

• In this I commit myself to assist and support myself to get the thought of ‘I don’t get it’ our of the way through no more accepting and allowing myself to trust that thought and stay within that thought – but to instead, when the anxiety/fear/frustration comes up, tell myself ‘Malin, you’ve got it – read slowly, breathe, take in the information, it’s here in me and as me’ – and so realize that I DO have it, it’s just a thought and reaction that is blinding me from seeing that it’s all here.

What Will You Do When Another Gives Up On You?-Day 377

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist asking teachers for help/assistance/support when I am having trouble comprehending something – due to fearing that I will still not understand even if they try to explain something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will feel stupid if I ask for assistance but will still not comprehend – where I have accepted and allowed myself to, within such situations where I see that I still won’t understand even if another attempts to explain, formed a pattern of automatically going into the experience and belief of myself as being stupid and slow for not immediately understanding – where I consequentially have formed a resistance to and towards asking for help due to the underlying belief of ‘I won’t understand anyway’.

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is no use in asking teachers for assistance and support when I find myself unable to understand something – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume and expect that other’s will not be able to explain in a way that makes me comprehend due to how this typically happens when I ask for assistance – and I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that there is just something wrong with me, that it is my fault that I normally won’t understand when others tries to explain something – and so within this have simply just accepted that point of ‘I won’t understand’ as a part of me – not seeing or realizing how accepting and allowing this definition to exist and constantly reverberate within the back of my head, actually limits and prevents me from fully being here when another person attempts to explain something, because within that there is this one aspect of me that has already beforehand decided that ‘I won’t get it anyway’ – which is a belief that is based on the past, where I am just constantly accessing all the times where I did not understand and in where I am holding on to those instances instead of giving myself a new opportunity in every moment. I mean, I cannot know whether I will comprehend something or not through just accessing the past and trusting that ‘that’s just how it normally is’ – because within that I won’t even give myself a clean slate or a fair shot.

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and judge myself as stupid and slow when and as I ask another for assistance/support and when I do not manage to comprehend/understand even if another person attempts to explain – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally and judge myself due to seeing how others/teachers tends to ‘give up on me’ in the sense of just explaining once and then, if and when I still don’t ‘get it’, just walking away – which I have allowed myself to interpret as them, giving up on me and seeing it as an impossible task to ‘make me understand’ – not seeing or realizing that just because someone ‘gives up and walks away’ does not automatically mean that I am too stupid or that I am to blame – so, I see, realize and understand that I still have the capacity and the responsibility to decide in such moments who I am going to be in relation to someone walking away, that I still have the capacity and the responsibility to decide how I am going to react – and so I realize that I can, within such situations decide, who I am going to be, how I am going to experience myself and what I will accept and allow and what not – where I realize that another person’s behavior is their behavior, it is not something I must take responsibility for – however, what I do have to take responsibility for is who I am in relation to and as a response to other people’s behaviors.

 

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others will give up on me in the sense of attempting to explain something and in where I still won’t understand – and in where this eventually leads another person to just ‘walk away’ – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately, automatically and instantaneously give up on myself and see myself as a failure due to perceiving and interpreting it as though another person gives up on me and so within that just accept the fact that ‘I don’t understand this’ – instead of seeing and realizing that I could actually instead go ‘ok, so that would not help me understand/comprehend – so, let’s find a solution, let’s look at what I do require to understand’ – and so re-instruct myself within such moment to instead of just going ‘I don’t get it, I am stupid’ go ‘ok, let’s look for a solution’ – I mean, why would I want to just give up and feel like shit about myself when I can instead assist and support myself to see it as challenge, as an opportunity to learn, expand and grow? And so within that instead decide to walk the path that I can actually enjoy for myself – I mean it is so simple in the sense of looking at it as just one simple decision that I have to make, to in that just take the decision to see it as ‘ok, don’t understand, cannot compute – let’s take this on, let’s find a solution and let’s walk it!’

To be continued.. 

How to Overcome Limiting Beliefs - Day 366

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the state of my beingness which is based on negativity, constantly and continuously anticipate and expect the worst in the sense of internally/mentally preparing myself for failure and despondency – and so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constitute and base my relationship to my external world and reality on the imaginations I form within the mind in relation to the worst possible outcome and scenario – where I have accepted and allowed myself to, within and throughout my life, think and believe that through utilizing and existing within this construct/relationship to my external world/reality I am in a way ‘prepared’ and geared for all the worst possible outcomes/situations that may/might emerge within my reality – and within this accepting and allowing the imagination to be and become the driving-force behind my external participation, where I just automatically give value to and trust the expectations and anticipations that comes up within the mind and in that not seeing or realizing how I am through this actually perpetuating the reverberating negativity, where I am accepting and allowing negativity to permeate and influence my relationship to me and so my relationship to this world as a whole  – and so within this I see, realize and understand that I am accepting and allowing myself to generate and perpetuate this state of negativity through accepting and allowing myself to exist within a construct where I give value to, trust and follow the imaginations where I anticipate and expect ‘the worst’ – and how I am within this not actually ‘preparing’ for ‘the worst’ but am instead creating and manifesting a constant experience of things being ‘impossible’, where I am actually not even giving myself the opportunity to just do what I see needs to be done but am instead already before preparing myself for failure, which in itself will create failure – because within this I see, realize and understand that when I have allowed myself to ‘make up my mind’, in the sense of accepting the imaginations that comes up as expectations of an outcome, I have already created and manifested that outcome and will consequentially manifest it within my practical reality – where I see and realize that I am creating and accepting limitations through forming an expectation within the mind in relation to the result of things. 

 

• Therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within situations and moments where I am faced with a task/responsibility or see something that I must do and when I notice that back-chats such as; “I won’t make it” starts to come up within the mind, I immediately stop and take a deep breath, in where I slow myself down within the moment and in that stand as the directive principle of me – in where I take the decision to no more accept and allow myself to create and manifest limitations through forming and trusting a belief of myself as ‘not being able to make it’ – but instead I stabilize myself here until no energy is moving me – but where I instead take a stance to move myself, where I furthermore commit myself to live self-trust through practically do what I see needs to be done and within that realize that I can only do my best – but that when and as I accept and allow myself to anticipate failure I am actually self-sabotaging through creating and manifesting that limitation as something that I accept as a part of me – and therefor I no more accept and allow myself to limit myself through trusting imaginations in relation to whether I will manage to do things or fail, but instead I bring myself back to here and so trust myself and my capacity to be here and so do my best in every moment.

The Negativity Will Exist Until Perfection Exists - Day 365

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my whole approach to/towards my practical participation within school and to/towards my daily responsibilities to be and become permeated and infiltrated by an internal sensation of negativity – where I forgive myself that I have, within and throughout my life, accepted and allowed negativity to be and become a constant underlying sensation within me in where I continuously am attempting and trying to balance that negativity out through pushing myself harder within what I participate in – thinking and believing that I will be satisfied and at ease if only I become better at what I do, if only I become perfect and do not have to put so much effort into school, if only I become soooooo good that it will just ‘come natural’ – lol. And so within this I see, realize and understand that I have formed and manifested an approach and attitude towards my life in where I am in a way thinking and believing that the state of negativity and underlying sensation of ‘not being satisfied’ is somehow based on and linked to how hard I must work, how much effort I require to put into things and how ‘being perfect and attaining perfect results in my practical participation’ does not come ‘natural’ to me – and in where I am utilizing these beliefs to move and push myself – believing that I will be satisfied and at ease only when ‘things come natural to me’ in the context of not having to ‘work hard’ but instead just kind of like having ‘an easy life’. 

 

• And so within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt and try to counteract and balance out the inherent state of my beingness which is based on negativity through, without even seeing or being aware of it, constantly search and look for the polarity of positivity to cover up and suppress this reverberating negativity – where I have accepted and allowed myself to search for this positivity and attempted to become satisfied with my life and so with myself through pushing myself to become better at what I externally participate within – not seeing or realizing how I am and have always been trying to escape the internal constant negativity through searching for an experience of being satisfied with life and with myself outside of me – not seeing or realizing how I am merely within this separating myself from me, because in this I have just unconditionally and unquestionably accepted and absorbed the inherent sensation and state of negativity where I thus continuously anticipate and assume that things will be hard and tough for me, that I have to work really hard all the time and that I require to be ’prepared for failure’.

 

• In this I furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my life and daily participation complicated, difficult and a burden through just allowing myself to assume and anticipate that things will be hard – not seeing or realizing that I can actually decide for myself how I will approach things, that existing within a constant state of negativity will not, and cannot, actually help me in any way – and so I see, realize and understand that I require to take my life in my own hands and in that stop this state of my beingness, to stop the sensation of negativity and in that furthermore stop the continuous attempt to cover it up through attempting to attain the positive polarity of ‘becoming satisfied’ through looking and searching outside of me.

 

• I commit myself to assist and support myself in situations and moments where I see that the sensation of negativity emerges within me, where I see that it is most prominent within moments where I am faced with tasks/responsibilities/school-work, and in where I thus become aware of such moments and my approach towards it – in where I assist and support myself through stopping and breathing when I see that my starting-point and attitude towards what I am doing is based on negativity and in that I ground myself here – in where I make sure that I do not accept or allow the negativity to move me or direct me and in where I commit myself to not accept or allow myself to attempt/try to cover the sensation of negativity up by searching and looking for positivity within what I externally participate within – but to instead be here, alive, in where I take the decision to move myself – and within this giving myself the opportunity to simply just be here, face, approach and walk through my daily responsibilities/tasks/school-work with me being the directive principle of myself and thus no more accepting and allowing negativity to be the state of who I am.