- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I must not, and have ‘no
right to’, come across as self-confident in class and on upcoming exams after
not having done well on the latest exam – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that others and the teacher will perceive
it as though I am not aware of how bad I performed in my latest exam or that
people/the teacher will perceive it as though I am not ashamed of my bad performance
if I come across as confident.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I have to be ashamed of
my most recent performance within the previous exam to show myself and others/the
teacher that ‘I am better than that’ and that I am punishing myself through
being ashamed, that I am disciplining myself through being hard on myself and
blaming myself – where I feel the need to show and state that I am not proud of
my former performance, that I do not in any way accept such bad performance,
through acting and going into the experience of shame and self-criticism – where
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the need to
show the teacher how ‘bad I feel’ and how I in no way accept such bad results –
that I in no way accept myself when I have performed ‘so lousy’ – and within
that accepting and allowing my continued participation within school to suffer
and get conditioned through accepting and allowing myself to fear acting and
coming across in any other way than as being ashamed and embarrassed, where I
see and realize that I am empowering and generating the experiences of being
unconfident, self-doubtful, nervous and anxious which are experienced that will
really not help me within my participation in my upcoming exam – as I have seen
and realized that these experiences will rather prevent me from actually
showing my capacity and I am within this merely trapping myself as I see and
realize that accepting and allowing myself to be unconfident and self-doubting
does inevitably lead to a lesser capacity to perform well and allowing such
experiences are thus deliberate self-sabotage – and I mean; am I willing to
lower my grade even more just because I fear coming off as confident when I
believe that I should be ashamed?
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that being hard on myself and
blaming myself whenever I perceive my external
performances/achievements/participation to be imperfect or not good enough
indicates that I am ‘self-aware’ and that it makes me ‘a better person’ since I
am at least then apparently aware of my inadequacies and showing/stating to
others and so to myself that I do not accept this from myself, that I am not
unaware of, stand for or am proud of myself and my
performances/participation/achievements - where I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and define being hard on myself
as something that is positive and a good thing that makes me ‘a good person’ –
not seeing or realizing how being hard on myself and blaming myself has never
in fact lead me to becoming better at what I externally do or helped me
performing better – since I within this become so preoccupied with blaming and
being hard on myself that I consequentially prevent myself from really trusting
myself and so standing within and as self-confidence when being faced with a
situation wherein my capacity is being ‘tested’.
- And so I see, realize and understand
that to be able to do my best within my upcoming exam I require to direct
myself out of shame and self-blame and so instead decide to stand as
self-confidence and self-trust, where I see and realize that I am only able to
do my actual best when I do not allow a simultaneous internal fight and
conflict – because when I allow myself to participate within shame and being
hard on myself I am literally fighting with myself where what I would need is
to work and walk with me – and therefor
I commit myself to assist and support myself in the continuation through making
sure that I move myself out of self-doubt and do not accept and allow myself to
be hard on myself due to perceiving myself to having performed lousy in my
latest exam – but to instead let go of and give myself a clear and new
opportunity where I do not accept and allow the belief of myself as being a
better person and/or coming off as more aware if I am appearing as ashamed and
disappointed at myself to influence and control my participation within my upcoming
exam. Instead I commit myself to support myself when I see that I am being hard
on myself through immediately directing myself back to here where I commit
myself to walk with myself in and as who I am, here – where I see and realize
that it is only me blaming myself, and that this will not help me in any kind
of way and so therefor I re-instruct myself to stand on my own side in the
sense of not accepting and allowing myself to continue this pattern of
following and complying with the need to be seen as ‘a good person’ for
recognizing my apparent inadequacies – but instead I focus on being here,
standing with me and so doing my best through moving myself out of self-blame
and back to here through breathing – where I commit myself to give myself this
opportunity to explore and investigate how it would be like to no more accept
and allow self-blame to influence and control me.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that I do not deserve to care for
myself and accept myself if or when I perceive or experience it as though
others to not care for or accept me – and within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to adjust my self-support and compromise my
self-relationship through letting the perception I form within the mind in
regards to what others ‘give me’ to be the determining factor for how I see
myself and so how I decide to treat myself in thought, word and deed – where I
furthermore forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait for
others to show me care and acceptance instead of giving myself self-care and
self-acceptance unconditionally – and within this I see, realize and understand
that I have formed an inherent belief and automatic pattern in relation to how
I see myself and so treat myself, where I think and believe that I have to earn
care and acceptance from others to be permitted to accept and care for myself.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that it is shameful to care
for and accept myself if or when I have formed a perception within the mind of
others not accepting me or caring for me – and so within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and oppose caring for and
accepting myself if or when I do not experience or interpret it as though
others care for/accept me due to accepting an experience of shame to decide for
me, where I see and realize that I am accepting and allowing myself to fully
trust and give value to an experience of shame without ever having considered
or questioned the belief of it being shameful to care for and accept oneself –
but instead just immediately, automatically and instantaneously accepted shame
to decide for me.
- And so I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to form a pattern of going into self-anger and self-hatred
when and as I form an idea or perception of others not caring for or accepting
me, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think
and believe that it would be shameful and completely wrong for me to care for
myself and accept myself when or if others don’t – due to thinking and
believing that “I am not to think that I am anything special or important or
worthy” – and so especially not in situations where I interpret or perceive it
as though other people see me this way.
- Within this I forgive myself that I
have accepted and allowed myself to go into the mind and torment myself through
back-chatting about how worthless and useless I am as an automatic response to
situations/moments wherein I have formed the perception of not being accepted
by others/another or experiencing it as though others/another is neglecting me –
wherein I automatically and immediately just follow, listen to and comply with
whatever comes up within the mind due to thinking and believing that it is
legitimate and justifiable for me to judge myself as worthless and useless, and
thus not care for and accept myself but rather neglect and punish myself, if or
when I perceive others not to accept or care about me – and I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I would give
myself something that I do not deserve if I would to accept and care for myself
in moments where others do not care about or accept me – and so within this
allowing myself to use the slightest indication of disapproval, neglect or lack
of care within another to trigger the construct of self-shame, where I just
automatically accept and allow myself to go into the belief of myself as not
being worthy of acceptance and care and thus consequentially neglecting and
bullying myself within the mind – instead of seeing and realizing that I am the
one deciding to give value to the belief of myself as not deserving acceptance
and care whenever I perceive others to neglect me in any kind of way, where I furthermore
realize that I am actually constantly and continuously anticipating and
expecting others to neglect and disapprove of who/how I am and within that am
consequentially perceiving and reacting to everything within another with this
self-belief veiling reality – and so within this I realize that the underlying
point here is merely based on my own self-neglect and self-disapproval, where I
allow myself to see myself as worthless and useless – and as a consequence I am
anticipating and expecting others to form this idea about me, wherein I have
manipulated myself into thinking and believing that if it is another who says
that I am worthless then it is OK for me to think and believe that about myself
– where that has thus become the belief which I will use to continue existing
within and making it legitimate for me to see myself as worthless. But I mean,
why would I believe that it is just completely OK for me to see myself as
worthless and useless if I perceive it to come from outside of me? Why would I
allow myself to just automatically go into shame when I perceive others to
neglect or disapprove of me – when I can within that decide to stand up for
myself and so not take it personally but instead choose to accept and care for
myself, I mean this is about my life, my relationship to me – and so why
compromise that through letting my perceptions and beliefs about what others
may/might think of me to decide how I see myself and so how I experience myself
within?
- I commit myself to assist and
support myself through my writings and self-forgiveness to open up and
investigate the construct I have formed in relation to utilizing my perception
of others experiences/thoughts about me to decide how I treat and see myself –
to in that further look at and stop the automatic pattern of going into shame and
the belief that I do not deserve to accept and care for myself if I perceive it
as though another neglect/disapprove of me. And within this I furthermore
commit myself to assist and support myself within moments where I see that I am
going into shame, as the situations where I believe others to neglect/disapprove
of me – where I within that stop and so take a moment to breathe – where I stop
the automatic response of self-blame and instead start to question what comes
up – where I no more accept and allow myself to just automatically and instantaneously
go into and give value to whatever comes up within the mind – but instead start
to question it, investigating it and so show myself that I can make the
decision not to go into it, not to trust or give value to it – but instead stop
and breathe, where I realize that only I can decide who I am and so what I
allow within – and so within that awareness I decide to realign my
self-relationship to establish unconditional self-acceptance and self-care, to
within that release myself from the dependency that I have formed to/towards
what I believe and expect others to think of me – since that does not matter –
because I still have the ultimate responsibility for who and how I am, within
and without.
