- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that others or another will think or
believe that I am in some way dependent on, in need of or reliant on that
person – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to go into an immediate reaction of anger and aversion when and as I
perceive a pattern within another that indicates that that person thinks or
believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some way
dependent, in need of or reliant on that person – where I see and realize that
I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear to and towards becoming
dependent on or in some way count on another; from the perspective of expecting
something from another or expecting another to be here for me when I, in some
way, would require or be in need of assistance or support – as I within that
have linked and connected such dependency to undoubtedly and definitely getting
disappointed, deceived and let down – and where I thus turn this fear of
getting let down by another into anger, where I see and realize that I have
formed an automatic pattern wherein I push people away through anger, exclusion,
spitefulness and aversion as an attempt to protect myself from getting
disappointed, deceived or let down in the future – where I am projecting myself
into the future and accessing memories of my past wherein I experienced such
scenarios with the beings that supposed to be responsible for taking care of me
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that
I may or might, within a relationship with another being, create assumptions in
relation to expecting that the other being will be there for me, assist or help
me in situations or moments where I have formed the presumption that the other
being would respond through standing by my side when I am faced with something
that I perceive as difficult or hard to walk through and face on my own – and so within this fear accepting and
allowing myself to push people away through utilizing anger, spitefulness and
exclusion immediately when or if I perceive another to in some way show any
form of pattern that implies that the other person thinks or believes that I
expect something, am in need of or dependent on that being – and I forgive
myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and assume
that if another person forms the idea and belief of me as being dependent on,
in need of or reliant on that person in any kind of way, then such idea and
belief would further result in the other being feeling obligated to assist and
support me – as though it is a duty rather than the other being actually
wanting to stand by my side and/or face and walk through something together
with me - and through this I see, realize and understand that I have formed
this pattern in where I react in anger, aversion, spitefulness and push people
away as a response within situations/moments wherein I interpret it as though
the other person’s starting-point and underlying reason for
assisting/supporting/standing by my side is based and founded on an experience
of obligation – where I see how the interpretation I form within the mind of
another person, feeling obligated to stand by my side will activate a program
and pattern within me where the intention is to show another that I absolutely
do not need no one and that I definitely do not expect another to be there for
me.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to project and superimpose anger onto
another if or when I perceive the person to show any form of pattern that I
perceive as an indication of that being thinking or believing that I expect
assistance or support in any kind of way – wherein I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to respond to such interpreted pattern through
excluding and ostracizing the other – and I forgive myself that I have not
accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that this anger that
comes up within me in situations where I perceive another to think or believe
that I expect something from or am dependent on that being, is actually
self-anger – because within this I see, realize and understand that these
instances/circumstances are triggering self-anger within me – where I become
angry with myself as a result of seeing that I have allowed myself to form expectations,
a dependency and attachment to another person – that I have allowed myself to ‘become
vulnerable’ from the perspective of accepting and allowing myself to get
influenced by who and how another person decides to be and so whether or not another
person decides to stand by my side when I am faced with and have to walk
through something difficult – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to be and become angry at and blame myself when I see myself
getting disappointed as a response to another person’s behavior and/or decision
of who to be in relation to that which I am faced with and have to walk through
– in where I see and realize that when I notice that I get influenced in any
kind of way due to another person’s decision of who to be as a response to who
I am or what I am faced with, I will immediately go into self-anger – due to
thinking and believing that letting myself get influenced by another person’s
behavior is an indication of me, accepting and allowing myself to not be independent
and strong enough but rather having allowed myself to become weak and stupid for expecting or wanting a
specific response from another person – where these situations become moments
where I am in a way telling myself ‘I told you so’ in spitefulness, where I
blame myself for not living according to the principle of ‘trust no one’.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and form a general idea about
people wherein I think and believe that others are not to be trusted, that
others will always betray, lie and leave, that allowing myself to assume or expect
something or anything from another will always with no exceptions lead to
disappointment, that I am not to count on or expect others to support or help
me when I require assistance, that I am not to think that others would want to
help me if I would to ask for assistance, that others will always leave or in
some way deceive, that allowing myself to in any way get attached to another is
the most dangerous thing I can expose myself to – and within this not seeing or
realizing how this indicates a total lack of self-trust, as I am within this
expecting and assuming that I cannot trust myself to be able to stand stable
within situations where I perceive others to betray, live, leave, let down,
deceive etc. – thus thinking and believing that I require to prevent myself
from ever exposing myself to such conditions – instead of seeing and realizing
that what I rather would require as a point of prevention is for me to
incorporate and really live self-trust and self-support – where I rather learn
and practically live within self-stability in my self-relationship, trusting
myself and so my capacity to face situations and have relationships with other
beings without having to fear others possible behaviors but rather stand within
myself, trusting myself and so realize that all I need is me, is my self-trust,
is my commitment to not disappoint myself or let myself down from the
perspective of not living self-care and thus supporting myself no matter
external circumstances/situations – wherein I see and realize that what I would
require is for me to really understand that what I for certainty can trust is
myself and my capacity to direct myself within a situation to support myself,
to make sure that I stand by my side, wherein I realize that another or others
behaviors or what another decides to do are not to be taken personally, as I
see and realize that a decision made by another is never in fact caused by me
and so not my responsibility.
- When and as I think
and believe that I see a pattern within another that indicates that the person thinks
or believes that I expect something or anything from that being or am in some
way dependent, in need of or reliant on that person and in where I see myself
reacting in fear and anger where I feel the urge to push the other away – I stop
and I breathe – in this I commit myself to slow myself down and take a moment
to ground myself here – wherein I stop my participation within anger and
realize that excluding, projecting anger and spitefulness outwards onto another
will not and cannot solve my internal experiences – because within this I see,
realize and understand that when anger emerges within me it is merely
indicating self-anger, and so therefor I no more accept and allow myself to
take such anger out on another but instead I commit myself to support myself
through standing as my self-awareness, where I re-instruct myself within the
moment and direct myself out of the pattern through first making sure that I
slow myself down through breathing and in that ground myself here, within
myself, where I take the decision to stand by my side, to support myself and to
realize that I do have me – and therefor I commit myself to always make sure
that I am here for me, that I stand here with me and in that practice on
accepting and embracing the support and assistance that others give, where I
realize that others supporting me is their decision – and as I realize that I
remain here by my side, with me, supporting myself, I further see that there is
no need in fearing and resisting others support or fearing that I may not be
able to trust the support – because no matter what, I make sure that I stand by
my side.
- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
