- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people that possesses a
skill or knowledge within a specific area/subject
will, may or might see me as less than and inferior if I appear as completely
lost within that particular subject through not possessing any skill/understanding/knowledge what so ever
– and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt
and try to adjust, mold and change myself, where how I change and what I decide
to ‘enhance’ gets determined by how I see and perceive another, in the context
of what the individual that I am encountering seems to be good at or proficient in – and in that I
forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form an automatic
pattern that is based on fear of appearing as stupid/less than, wherein I see
and realize that I am merely sabotaging for myself, as I am within this pattern
preventing myself from expanding/growing through learning from another person’s
expertise , as I am preoccupied with trying to hide and conceal the lack of
knowledge I perceive myself to possess in comparison to the other person – and
so within that missing an opportunity to expand my understanding due to
accepting and allowing fear of appearing as stupid to direct and take power
over me – where I furthermore forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and
allowed myself to see, realize and understand that becoming experienced within
a specific area or subject is not something that just ‘happens’ to a person,
meaning; it isn’t something that will just automatically and miraculously
manifest within a person, but that it is something one has to learn through
experience, something one has to practice and specify – and so I see and
realize that another person that possesses a specific
understanding/experience/knowledge has developed such attainment through space
and time, and most often through others, through asking others questions – and
so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid thinking and believing that I
mustn’t appear as stupid in front of others through revealing that I am not as
skilled or have as much knowledge and experience as I perceive another to have
within a specific subject/area – when I could instead see it as an opportunity
for me to learn something new, expand and grow.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend that I understand and grasp
what another person is talking about and/or attempting to explain to me due to
fearing the possibility of being judged by the other or having the other person
form an opinion of me as being stupid or unintelligent if I would admit that I
do not fully comprehend the information that is being shared or the subject
that is being discussed – and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed
myself to pretend as though I comprehend something in situations where I have
asked another for assistance and support to understand, and wherein I get an explanation
but still can’t seem to fully grasp what is being shared – where I stop and
prevent myself from asking again or admitting that I still don’t understand due
to thinking and believing that the other person will or might judge me as
slow/stupid/retarded if I do not immediately grasp what is being shared or
explained to me the first time.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and resist asking for help,
assistance and support from others – where I see and realize that I have made
this point of asking for help, assistance or support into ‘a big deal’ from the
perspective of having linked and connected ‘asking for help’ to being less than
and inferior to others, not smart enough, not strong enough, not independent –
not seeing or realizing how such ego-definitions are really just preventing me
from learning, from actually expanding and growing – where I am compromising MY
life - where I am through this essentially stating that I’d rather struggle
with something and spend time trying to work shit out myself instead of simply asking someone that I see can explain
or support me for some help so that I do not have to go through something on my
own – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to compromise myself and my life as a result of ‘pride’ from the perspective of
looking at how I constantly and continuously stop and prevent myself from asking
for support due to thinking and believing that it is shameful to depend on
others, that it is shameful to admit that I do not know it all, that I may not
be strong enough to lift a car on my own – and I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to go into an immediate experience of fear if and
when I see or perceive another person to think and believe that I depend on
them, that I expect something from another or that I am in need of another to
be able to do something.
- In this I commit
myself to assist and support myself through further investigation in relation to this pattern
and point that I have formed in regards to resisting and stopping myself from
asking others for assistance and support and I furthermore commit myself to
support myself within situations and moments where I see that I am restraining
and stopping myself from asking others that I see could help me with something
that I am faced with due to fear of what the other may/might think – where I no
more accept and allow myself to follow and comply with this fear but instead I
move and direct myself to stop this pattern and thus practically practice on
slowing myself down, breathing and move through the fear to then support myself
through and with the help of others so that I can give myself the opportunity
to take part of others understanding within the areas of which I do not fully
grasp yet.
- I forgive myself that
I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an internal experience of fear
and inferiority as an automatic response that gets activated and triggered by
and within situations where I am faced with or perceive another person within
my surrounding/closest environment to show any form of pattern that I have
linked to and see as indications of superiority/authority/dominance - wherein I
see and realize that I have formed this automatic response as a program that
gets activated within me whenever I perceive another person within my external
reality to be superior/dominant as a consequence and result of my past and
memories, in this thinking and believing that I must change who and how I am to
become submissive and as invisible as I possibly can to prevent the possibility
of triggering/activating anger/rage within the person that I interpret to be
dominant/superior, due to believing that I am placing myself and my life at
risk and in danger if I activate or trigger anger/rage within another – and so
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to
situations wherein I perceive myself to be faced with a person that is
dominant/superior through physically changing my behavior and who I am into
becoming more silent, repressed and where I suppress and hide myself in the
sense of attempting and trying to not cause any ‘trouble’ but rather be silent so
that I won’t come across as provocative – and in this just unquestionably
accept this continuous response and change in behavior without even considering
why, as I see and realize that this behavior is really not assisting or
supporting me but is rather making my relationship to me and so my relationship
to others completely messed up – where I also see and realize that I do have
another option, that I could just as well decide to stop this unsupportive behavior
through within the moment decide not to participate, not to respond within an
automation but to instead move myself and decide who I am going to be in every
situation – and so therefor I realize that it is rather stupid to continue
existing within this automation as I realize that it is not helping me, it is
not supporting me but rather fucking me up within my relationship to me.
- I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to change my physical behavior as my
posture, movements and interactions within situations and moments where I
perceive another person within my surrounding/environment to show any form of
pattern that I interpret as indications of dominance/authority/superiority – in
where I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed moments and situations
in where I perceive myself to be faced with a being that I see as
dominant/superior to be and become circumstances wherein I habitually and
unquestionably change myself as who I am and behave externally – not seeing or
realizing that just because I perceive myself to be faced with a being that
shows any form of pattern that I have connected to
dominance/authority/superiority does not automatically mean that I have to
adjust, mold or change myself as who I am – but within this I realize that I
have formed a belief of it being important and necessary for me to change
myself dependent on how I perceive beings within my environment to be, as an
attempt to kind of like form a ‘balance’ – where I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to change my behavior and practical participation
due to thinking and believing that if I remain being just me then the whole
situation will become out of balance in the context of thinking and believing
that the person that I perceive to be dominant/superior would react in anger if
I do not practically and physically change myself to become more silent, compliant,
submissive and passive.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to connect and link anger and rage to patterns within
others that I perceive to be indications of superiority/authority/dominance -
wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and
believe that the inclination to react in rage and anger are greater and more
prominent within individuals that I consider to be or show patterns that I have
linked to authority/superiority/dominance – and I furthermore forgive myself
that I have within this accepted and allowed myself to make assumptions and merely
participate within my own imaginations and beliefs in regards to who and how another
person is – instead of seeing and realizing that I cannot in any way know or
understand the entirety of another person’s entire mind, and so in that I
realize that I am drawing conclusions based on previous events and memories
instead of allowing myself to participate in that which are here, and so
observe and interact with real, actual reality.
- In this I commit
myself to practice within situations/moments wherein I see that I have formed a
perception of another individual within my surrounding as being
dominant/superior/ authority – where I within such instances stand within my
awareness, where I see the tendency that I have formed in relation to reacting
in fear and letting such fear trigger the pattern and automatic response of
going into inferiority – and so within that I commit myself to slow myself down
through stopping and breathing when I see myself react due to someone within my
environment, where I assist and support myself to prevent myself from going
into an automatic response where I change my behavior, but instead practice on
remaining here, standing within and as stability and thus assist and support
myself through being aware of the pattern and in that no more accept and allow
myself to just blindly and automatically follow and comply with – but instead I
take my life in my own hands, where I direct myself to take self-responsibility
through not accepting and allowing myself to go into a state of inferiority but
to instead move and instruct myself to focus on being me, on remaining here and
so place my awareness in practical, physical reality – to in that make sure
that I only participate in that which exists directly here as the physical – to
realize that anything that does not exist directly here as the physical is the
mind and is thus not real.
