The Torment of Being Falsely Accused - Day 405

• I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personally through going into fear, shame and self-blame when perceiving it as though I am getting accused of something by another and when interpreting it as though the person is disappointed or angry at me - no matter if I have actually done what I perceive myself to be accused of or not, wherein I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a pattern activated by fear, in where I immediately react when I perceive another to accuse me of having done something which the other person do not agree with or approve of and in where I automatically and instantaneously go into the belief and idea that I have to protect and defend myself through ensuring that I prevent the other from creating a perpetuated definition and opinion of me that is based on negativity due to that which I am being accused of - wherein I think and believe that I require to explain myself in the best possible way so that I can remove the experience/reaction that came up within another and so replace it with an explanation that I think and believe can ‘repair’ and compensate for the initial reaction that got triggered within the person, as an explanation and thus experience that is based on a positive energy instead of negative – where I see and realize that I have created a pattern wherein I think and believe that I require to protect myself from negatively charged experiences within others due to believing that such experiences can result in my safety being threatened – as I have connected this point of ‘being accused of something’ to the consequences I would be faced with when this occurred while I lived with the first foster family – and so perpetuated the pattern of instantly going into fear when perceiving myself to get accused by another, not seeing and realizing how such pattern is really in fact not helping me within my current living and life – as I see and realize that when I am within a reaction of fear I cannot see real reality or what is practically here – and that I will react to every perceived similarity to the patterns that I saw within the foster mother as a consequence of the protection mechanism I have formed within the mind – instead of seeing and realizing that such protection mechanism isn’t protecting me at all but is rather making it impossible for me to stand stable within myself and so see real reality in the sense of facing and practically walking through a situation of perceiving myself to be accused by another into a solution – which I see and realize is only possible when I take the decision to stop the fear, stop the reactions and stop the automatic pattern of attempting and trying to protect myself through inducing positive experiences through a satisfying explanation – and I realize that the solution within these situations would be to first of all making sure that I remove any and every form of internal reaction and so stand with myself in clarity and awareness where I furthermore move myself practically to investigate the situation, whether I am even being accused of something or not, and so communicate with another to find an actual, real solution that is best for both in the sense of clearing up possible misunderstandings/misinterpretations and self-honestly, and with taking self-responsibility, investigate that which I perceive myself to be accused of.

• I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that what I am reacting to is actually in fact my own interpretation and perception of being accused – wherein I am essentially reacting to myself as a consequence of my self-created fear of what another may/might think of me due to what I believe myself to be accused of and so how the person will see me, think about me and feel about me in the continuation – and that through accepting and allowing myself to participate within such imaginary reality I am getting distracted from participating within that which are really in fact real, and thus preventing myself from finding and coming to a real solution since I am not even capable of seeing the problem as I am preoccupied within my imagination – which I realize isn’t a real representation of what is really in fact occurring – and so I see and realize that to be able to face and walk through a problem, conflict or misunderstanding I require to bring myself out of the mind-reality as imagination and back into real reality as that which exists directly as the physical.    

• Within this I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments and situations where I think, believe and perceive that I am being accused of something by another – through within that slow myself down through breathing and thus prevent myself from going into the automatic pattern of reaction – and so in this make sure that I have slowed myself down and grounded myself here, where I can look at things within awareness and clarity – where I commit myself to re-instruct myself and change the pattern of wanting to immediately explain myself and remove the negatively charged experience that I perceive within another, to instead look at a solution – where I make sure that I stand within me stable, that I do not accept and allow myself to participate within fear but instead place my attention within practical, physical reality through asking questions, through finding out if another person is even accusing me of something or if I merely interpreted it as though I was accused due to my own internal reactions and so reacting to my own mind – and so from there I make sure that I am really seeing reality in terms of first make sure that I am removing my own reactions so that I can participate in that which exists directly as the physical reality and where I direct myself to open the point up through communicating with the being that I perceive to accuse me, through simply asking questions and clearing up any misunderstandings – where I commit myself to ensure that I am self-honest within my approach from the perspective of making sure that my starting-point is not based on the attempt to please another or wanting to say something to remove any possible negatively charged reactions/experiences within the other but that my starting-point is instead based on finding a real solution through communication, self-responsibility and self-honesty.