- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to generate and habitually participate within a desire, want
and need to and towards attaining the experience of being more successful/accomplished/better
than others within the areas of which I participate within in my external world
and reality – and in this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself
to be and become dependent on such internal experience – where I within that
think and believe that for me to be able to enjoy what I do and motivate myself
to continue my participation, I require to interpret it and experience it as
though I am better/more accomplished than others, or that there is an
opportunity/chance for me to become better than others within that specific
area. – And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my external
participation/involvement to be regulated and determined by the perception I
form within the mind in relation to ‘how accomplished others are within this
area’ – where I see and realize that I have formed an automatic pattern of
constantly and continuously assessing and ranking how good/accomplished others
are within the areas of which I also participate within or consider to start
participating within – where I am kind of like estimating where I am or could/would
be on the parameter/diagram I have formed within the mind – and in this
accepting and allowing the evaluation of ‘where I am/would/could be’ in
relation to others to determine how I experience myself, whether I will feel
good enough or not, if I will continue/start participating and how I feel about
others in regards to either seeing others as superior/a threat or not.
- And so within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite people that I perceive to be
better than or more successful/accomplished than me – but at the same time
thinking and believing that if I become ‘better than’ and more successful than
others, then people will be more inclined to accept and like me – not seeing or
realizing how I am revealing and showing to myself that I experience the contrary,
that I am not in any way more inclined to accept/like people that I perceive to
be ‘better’/more accomplished than me but will rather feel threatened and
intimidated by such people where I attempt to deteriorate them just so that I
can feel better about myself – so, how can I trust and give value to the belief
that ‘others will be and become more inclined to accept and like me if I am
better than them’ when my intuition is to dislike and not accept people that I
perceive to be better than me? – Since I would within that rather feel
intimidated, threaten, inadequate and less than such beings.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that other people will overtake/move faster
than me when it comes to specific areas that I participate within in my
external world/reality – where I have accepted and allowed myself to see everything
as a race, as a competition - and I forgive myself that I have accepted and
allowed myself to fear ‘falling behind’ or not moving as fast as others, and am
consequentially manifesting an internal reverberating experience of stress and
fear – accepting and allowing myself to participate within and generate a
constant internal conflict, where I am basically attempting and trying to fight
myself into keeping up with others and where I go into an automatic response of
fear whenever I interpret or perceive it as though I am falling behind or am
not moving as fast as others or another person – not seeing or realizing that I
am actually within this completely forgetting about and missing me, who I am
and what really in fact matters – where I get so preoccupied with winning a
race that I haven’t even considered asking myself why? – and within this I see,
realize and understand that the slight experience of ‘accomplishment’ that
emerge within me as a response to the interpretation I form of having accomplished
something or attained perfect results within something, does only last for a
split second – and then I am right back in the competition/race again – and so
I see, realize and understand that I am within this constantly attempting to
run away from the experience of ‘failure’, of being ‘less than others’ – but,
trying to run away from such experience is definitely not a solution, because I
realize that I am preventing myself from facing the fear and facing myself and
the creation I have constructed in relation to the integrated self-belief of
myself, who I am and my self-worth as something that is dependent on and
determined by the accomplishments I manage to achieve externally.
- I commit myself to assist and
support myself to face me, to face my own creation as how I have constructed
and formed my life to be and become a constant race – where I am essentially
running away from myself, from actually caring for myself and from developing
and living self-acceptance – I mean; shit, this is not how I want to live my
life, this is not what I want for myself or would want for anyone within this existence.
And so therefor I commit myself to assist and support myself within moments
where I see that I start to compare myself to others in the sense of assessing
who is better/more accomplished – where I in that immediately stop my
participation and breathe – in where I direct my attention and focus to stop
following, stop participating and stop obeying to what comes up within the mind
– but instead I bring myself back to here, back to breathing, where I correct
myself within such moments through realizing that I am one and equal to others,
that others are parts of me – and therefor I no more accept and allow myself to
separate myself from me through competing with others but instead I direct
myself to slow myself down and work with others, with myself – and so giving
myself the opportunity to face what it is that I am attempting to run away
from, where I have the tools with which to stabilize myself – and so with my
breathing, my self-forgiveness and self-corrections I commit myself to face my
own creation and explore how it is to live a life where I value who I am, and
in that get to know this ‘I’ through removing the current construct that I live
within that is based on valuing and defining this ‘I’ by the mind's
interpretation of what I externally can/do accomplish. Because within this I
see and realize that I am hiding behind external accomplishments, where I fear
facing who I am when peeling off the ‘acceptable image’ I portray and present
to the world. But, I realize that it is time – and so I commit myself to peel
off the layers and face who I am beneath the veil of what I do.
- I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to feel the need to compete with other people in the sense
of comparing myself and who ‘I am’ in my external participation to how I
perceive others to be – and within this I forgive myself that I have accepted
and allowed myself to think and believe that I require to prove to myself that
I am better than others for me to be able to accept myself – not seeing or
realizing that I am merely separating myself from me, and so from others,
through accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to others and within
that compete with the perception I form of who others are within the mind.
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I notice or perceive it as
though another person is deliberately attempting and trying to make it seem as
though he/she ‘is better’ in some way or another – and within this I forgive myself
that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within fear, inadequacy and inferiority
as a response to seeing/perceiving it as though another person is starting a
competition about ‘who is the best in a specific area’ and in that ‘showing off’
– not seeing or realizing that within such instances/moments/situations I do
not have to go into, partake or participate within the competition – and just
because I perceive it as though another person is ‘showing off’ or attempting
to make him- or herself seem ‘better’ does not automatically mean that I have
to feel inferior or less than – that within situations where I perceive it as
though another person is starting a competition or am trying to put me down to
make themselves seem better, I can actually take the decision to direct myself,
to not participate, to not fuel the competition but to instead make sure that I
remain here, stable, breathing and within that take self-responsibility for any
experience of inadequacy or want/need/desire to partake and respond to the ‘competition’
– where I see, realize and understand that I do not have to show/prove to
another that ‘I am better than what they think’ – since that would merely fuel
the competition and separation even more. And within this I see, realize and understand
that the only reason for competition and comparison is internal insecurities –
and, so why would I want to feed another person’s insecurities and so my own
through taking a ‘competition’ seriously and partake within it?
- I forgive myself that I have
accepted and allowed myself to fear that another person will see or perceive me
as inferior or less than them – and within that thinking and believing that I
have to prove them wrong if or when I interpret it as though another person is,
in some way or another, implying that I am less than them or less than who I
actually am – not seeing or realizing that whether another person sees me, or
sees a limited version of me does not really matter – it can only influence me
if and when I accept and allow myself to take it personally and so believe
myself to be the perception I perceive another to form of me.
- And so therefor I commit myself to
assist and support myself within moments/situations where I perceive it as
though another person is starting a competition about ‘who is the best’ when it
comes to a specific area – where I within this become aware of the tendency of
wanting to participate/partake within the competition due to fear of being seen
as ‘less than who I am’ – and when and as I see that the fear starts to emerge
within me, I commit myself to take a moment, breathe, bring myself back to here
where I see, realize and understand that I do not have to prove myself better
or prove to another that I am not ‘who they think I am’, that I am ‘just as
good as they are’ – no, I do not accept or allow myself to take part in the
competition but instead I make sure that I remain here, stable, breathing – and
within that see, realize and understand that ‘proving another person wrong’
will merely fuel and feed the competition and so the separation – therefor I
commit myself to re-instruct myself within such moments, where I direct myself
out of the want/need/desire to prove someone wrong or make myself ‘look better’
and instead I realize that I know who I am and so therefor I am in no need to
prove to another that I am adequate or ‘just as good as they are’ – and in that
I further realize that through going into such mental competition I will merely
fuel and empower another person’s insecurities and their internal need to prove
themselves as ‘good’ or ‘better than’ – and so I commit myself to instead just
stand here, with and as the other person in the sense of seeing and realizing
that we have both constructed ourselves in a similar way in the sense of
thinking and believing that we are inadequate and that we thus have to prove
ourselves worthy – and so through realizing this I take a stance to instead be and
stand as an example in the sense of showing that we do not have to compete with
each other, that I will not partake.
